GLAMMUS VIDAL . . .
. . . FASHION MODEL AND ASPIRING ACTRESS! A STUNNING BEAUTY WITH ABUNDANT CHARM AND A SPARKLING PERSONALITY! BABE IS MASTER OF CEREMONIES AT THE APOLLO THEATER'S MOTOWN FESTIVAL. IT'S HER FIRST MAJOR STEP UP THE LADDER OF SUCCESS! BUT DOES THE MILLION-DOLLAR SMILE ON HER FACE HIDE SECRET HEARTBREAK? IS HER BUDDING ROMANCE WITH PROFESSIONAL DANCER WINDSOR JOY DOOMED? WHAT'S THE TRUTH ABOUT HER CLOSE FRIENDSHIP WITH NICHOLAS FREUND, THE APOLLO'S HOUSE BANDLEADER? AND WHAT FRIGHTENING SECRET DOES RAUNCHY COMEDY STAR HUDSON BEECHER HOLD OVER GLAMMUS'S LOVELY HEAD?
POP CULTURE CANTINA
presents
A MARVELOUS LIE PRODUCTION"THE SMOKE STACK MURDERS"
A Novelette in Six Parts
featuring the Songs of
SMOKEY ROBINSON
PART THREE
"The Composer"
"The Composer"
THE TIME: THE YEAR 2063
(with flashbacks to the year 1990)
THE PLACE: NEW YORK CITY
THE NARRATOR: MARGYEE WENZEL
THE NARRATOR: MARGYEE WENZEL
The road to success for The Archies was paved with compromises. Just like The Beatles, whose songs they once re-imagined for an indie movie soundtrack, the group had to change their scruffy look; but when The Archies agreed to let Rock impresario Don Kirshner groom them, they had to change their sound, too! That's what Archie in particular found so hard to accept.
It was a thrill for him to scream Punk Rock numbers, croon vintage Rockabilly tunes and lay down the occasional Power Pop stomper for adoring teenage girls in Riverdale! However, the Pop-glossy New Wave songs that Kirshner made him sing proved to be a huge letdown. Worse, Archie had to perform those songs at concert venues that were so large and impersonal he didn't feel connected to his audience. Jughead felt much the same way, and two bandmates would commiserate about it.
Chuck Clayton told me how he'd attended an Archies show soon after Veronica and Betty had replaced Dilton Doiley. Invited backstage, the group's old high school buddy got an unexpected earful of their discontent! "What you heard us sing tonight isn't what we're going to be singing," Juggy warned. "Our new material makes us sound like a bunch of half-assed Beatles!" Curious as to how bad their new songs really were, Chuck asked to hear something from their forthcoming début album. Archie disdainfully performed a couple of songs. "Man, they suck so bad!" he snarled, throwing down his guitar. "I don't know how long I can keep singing that kind of shit." The part-time music teacher disagreed: "It isn't shit, Arch! Those songs are good. Very good, in fact. It's the way you're phrasing them that's the problem."
So began Archie's first tutoring session with Chuck Clayton, who had been a teenage Gospel singer before moving to Riverdale. Soon, Veronica and Reggie (who sang harmony for Archie) were also learning Gospel techniques. "I shared a little bit of my Sunday morning spirit with them," he recalled, "and they seemed to dig it, so I shared a little bit more!" Before long, Don Kirshner was detecting a change in The Archies' approach to original songs he was providing them with. Kirshner cautioned the group not to "overdo that Aretha Franklin stuff", but neither he nor writer/producer Jeff Barry disapproved of their new, more soulful sound.
By the time The Archies were ready to go out on their first Summer Tour, Chuck had been coaching them for nearly a year. He officially became their touring music director in 1989. "Don Kirshner never allowed me in the studio," Chuck told me, "but he couldn't stop me from working with The Archies outside of it. I had them vocalizing to New Wave songs the 'old school' way! 'Sugar, Sugar' was the first Archies hit to show Gospel influence: Remember how Veronica phrased that immortal line I'm gonna make your life so sweet? And it was apparent in Arch and Roni's singing from from then on."
So now, at the Apollo Theater's Motown Festival, the whole group was poised to demonstrate just how well they'd learned what Chuck taught them . . . or not! And if their presentation wasn't soulful enough, the notoriously tough Harlem audience would show them no mercy!
The festival took place the week of May 27, 1990. It ran for five nights beginning on Monday the 28th, and each night was a celebration of hit songs by a different Motown songwriter. Monday featured the compositions of Smokey Robinson. Tuesday spotlighted the music of Stevie Wonder. Wednesday put the focus on Marvin Gaye; Thursday was the night for Holland-Dozier-Holland hits; and Friday was Motown Revue Night, a big finale with performances of songs written by any of the aforementioned tunesmiths as well as forgotten talents like Norman Whitfield, Mickey Stevenson and Frank Wilson.
Each night featured dance sequences and a comedy act. There were two festival comedians, one of which was a then-unknown Wanda Sykes. The other was my boss, Hudson Beecher. The headliners included Queen Latifah, Teena Marie, Boy George and Bootsy’s Rubber Band. Replacing Hall and Oates, The Archies opened the Motown Festival on Monday night.
After Glammus Vidal’s warm salutation to the capacity crowd, Windsor Joy's Apollo Dancers took the stage. They performed an energetic routine to Smokey Robinson + The Miracles’ 1960 hit “Shop Around”. The then-30-year-old song got a Hip-Hop update, with choreography that featured locking, twerking and breakdancing. Toni Topaz was a standout dancer; that little fraulein may have been short in stature, but she had plenty of bounce to the ounce!
Then Glammus introduced the headline act: "Give it up, y'all, for Riverdale's finest: The Archies!" First Archie Andrews and then Chuck Clayton sauntered out of the wings, crooning a duet of the 1964 Temptations classic “The Way You Do The Things You Do”. After the first chorus, Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge came dancing up out of the audience, sporting micro-miniskirts, green tambourines and dazzling smiles! When the women joined them on stage, Archie sang the second verse to Veronica while Chuck serenaded Betty. The song ended with a big band flourish, followed by cheers, whistles and hearty applause.
Then Archie introduced his group members, with Jughead's introduction coming last; Juggy was situated away from the others, far upstage behind the big drum kit. When the spotlight hit him, he bore down on his "skins" for an extended solo that revved up the crowd! As soon as it ended, lead guitarist Rod Mack cut loose with a monster chord and Jug dove into a blues-drenched rendition of Rare Earth’s 1970 hit “Get Ready”. The audience roared its approval!
With his booming baritone voice, he rocked the living daylights out of that song; and then The Salsa Soul Brothers segued into “Tears Of A Clown”. During this number, Archie had the crowd in the palm of his hand, all but channeling Smokey Robinson’s honey-voiced delivery. Then he urged the audience to start clapping hands in rhythm, after which Chuck stepped forward to take lead vocals on “Ain’t That Peculiar”. His feverish delivery of this 1965 Marvin Gaye favorite had the crowd stomping its feet as well as clapping! Archie played lead guitar on the number, taking over from Rod Mack.
The big Latin percussion section asserted itself on “The One Who Really Loves You”, a bongó, conga and timbale-infested treat that gave Veronica her first lead vocal of the night. The Apollo Dancers paired off into couples and executed fancy Salsa moves behind her as she sang. Then the tempo slowed so that Archie could have his soulful way with “You Really Got A Hold On Me”. His delivery was so torrid, women in the audience started screaming before he’d even reached the first chorus! One overheated female even threw her black lace panties onstage (which were promptly scooped up by the stage manager)!
Foot stomping resumed when The Archies performed “Floy Joy” to a brisk denbow beat that anticipated the Reggaetón craze. Duplicating the two-voice approach featured on The Supremes’ 1971 version, Betty sang the intros, Veronica sang the verses and the ladies joined forces on the choruses. Chuck Clayton's bass guitar added a solid throb to the rhythm section.
Then the divine Ms. Cooper claimed her first lead vocal of the night with a cover of “I’ll Be Available”. That's an obscure Smokey Robinson tune originally waxed by Brenda Holloway in 1965. Betty’s phrasing had more than a little bit of Country twang, but the audience didn’t seem to mind; on the contrary, the Apollo regulars dug her smoky Patsy Cline voice, sassy hand gestures and swiveling hips! A man in the front row shouted: “Shake 'em, blondie!” Betty obliged him with a shimmy, delighting the crowd!
The first half of the show ended with Veronica delivering an exuberant version of The Supremes 1969 hit “The Composer”, which she dedicated to its author, Smokey Robinson. "Smokey was the greatest songwriter at Motown Records," she declared, "and he wrote every note of music that you hear us perform tonight." The rest of the group joined in on the rousing choruses, with the Apollo Dancers twirling and The Salsa Soul Brothers blazing behind them. Archie, Betty, Roni, Juggy and Chuck took their first bows of the night to thunderous applause!
Then, with a frozen smile on her face, Glammus Vidal introduced Hudson Beecher's comedy spot. As far as I was concerned, Hudson was too much of everything: Too bleached-blonde, too heavily made-up, too flashy in her dress, too loud, too profane and entirely too unpredictable. Viel zu viel! She shouldn’t have gone over with crowds as well as she did, but they always ate her up with a spoon! This festival crowd was no different; Hudson's frantic antics and potty-mouthed ad-libs had them all howling like hyenas!
I often wondered if her predominantly African-American audiences would have laughed so hard if they'd known what she really thought of them? "Every time I play a Black venue," she'd complain, "it takes a week to get the stink of ghetto off of me. Sure, they're my fans but I wish these jungle bunnies would keep their goddamn distance!
"They're the best when it comes to honing your technique, though," she smirked. "If a female comedian can make a nigger man split his britches, she can make anybody laugh; and I've got these darktown strutters wrapped around my lily white finger! It won't be long, Margot, until I can leave ghetto venues behind and play to high-class houses exclusively."
That's right: Hudson Beecher was a bigot and a snob on top of everything else! Mind you, there was nothing racist in the jokes I wrote for her, but I never knew how she was going to ad-lib them. Hudson was a total wild card! Often, I'd stand in the wings during her routine and cringe as she improvised on political, religious or racial issues. She had the subtlety of a sledgehammer and a mile-wide cruel streak; that woman liked to push audiences right up to the edge of outrage! Occasionally she would push too hard, but she was relatively well-behaved on this opening night: I only heard her use the word motherfuckers once!
As she left the Apollo stage, Hudson winked and blew a kiss at the MC. Glammus ignored her, even while heaping praise on her comedic skill! That's what you call real class. Then she announced The Archies’ return: “Are you ready, people? Are you in the mood for some more of that hot-buttered Riverdale Soul? How much longer can you stand to wait?” She whipped the audience into a hooting, stomping frenzy, and when Betty, Veronica, Juggy, Chuck and Archie reappeared, they got a minute-long standing ovation! Their first set had won over the hard-to-please Apollo regulars; now, could they build on the foundation they’d laid?
At first they played it cool, with a low-key intro to Smokey Robinson’s 1964 finger popper “I Like It Like That”. Then they gradually built the energy up until everybody in the theater was clapping hands, wagging heads and rocking from side to side. This was a dance number, but The Archies were never one of those groups known for dancing onstage. Archie himself was especially awkward on his feet; at rehearsal the day before, I’d heard Veronica warn him to “cool it with the Michael Jackson shit!” But now, Arch was so caught up in the groove, he just couldn’t help himself: He broke into a spontaneous Moonwalk! I saw a look of horror flash across Roni's face, but there was no need for concern.
Always ready to improvise, The Apollo Dancers mimed his moves at staggered intervals. It was such a great visual, the audience cheered! By the next song, Archie still hadn’t gotten the King of Pop out of his system, but that proved to be a good thing: He covered MJ’s definitive version of “Who’s Lovin’ You?” with authentic Gospel passion. There was so much emotion in his delivery, he brought the crowd to its feet with shouts of “Sing it, White boy! Take us to church!” I glanced over at Chuck Clayton and saw a gigantisch smile on the music teacher's face; his voice coaching had paid off in a big way! From that point forward, The Archies could do no wrong.
JUGHEAD DISPLAYS HIS AWESOME
DRUMMER SKILLS
For me, the rest of the show was a blur of sound, color and motion: Conga drums pounding, dancers gyrating, spotlights sweeping the stage, green tambourines beating furiously, Nicky Álvarez frantically conducting the big band, and one stellar performance after another: Chuck channeling Marvin Gaye again as he vamped his way through “Take This Heart Of Mine”. Jughead abandoning his drum kit to throw down a righteous rendition of “I’ll Be Doggone”. Veronica and Betty rocking a box step while trading verses on “Automatically Sunshine”. Archie down on his knees, wailing “The Tracks Of My Tears” and then getting the crowd to sing along with him as he belted out “I Second That Emotion”.
Then there was Betty, whom guitarist Rod Mack nicknamed "Miss Thing!" She wreaked holy havoc with a steamy, hip-rolling interpretation of “From Head To Toe”. Her performance so impressed Rod that he later recorded that Chris Clark cult favorite himself! The grand finale was his extended arrangement of “Goin’ To A Go-Go”, a song that Smokey Robinson + The Miracles used to raise the roof with back in the Sixties. I mean to tell you: The Archies’ version rocked the Apollo Theatre down to its foundations!
Led by Toni Topaz, The Windsor Joy Dancers took to the aisles, popping and locking like crazy; Betty and Veronica left the stage and mingled with the crowd again, showing everybody how to get in the groove with their sassy strutting and posing; and all the while, the ladies were bearing down on that deadly background vocal refrain: Goin' to a go-go/Don't you wanna go? Archie screamed himself hoarse on lead vocals!
Performance of that one song must have lasted nearly half an hour; then The Archies regrouped on stage, physically and emotionally spent but exhilarated. After taking prolonged bows, they sprinted backstage where the entire Apollo crew was waiting to shower them with congratulations! The stage manager brought flowers to Roni and Betty, and champagne bottles were uncorked. Toni Topaz was so elated, she surprised Juggy with an open-mouthed smooch! (A couple of decades later, she would marry him.) But everyone was hugging, kissing and crying! It was an unqualified triumph, never to be forgotten, and well worth the band members' sacrifice of missing their graduation ceremonies.
The Motown Festival was very much a graduation for The Archies in its own right! That night, they stopped being a mere Pop group: With Smokey Robinson's songs as their point of departure, Archie, Betty, Veronica and Jughead had set sail on a stylistic river that, in time, would lead them to complete Soul music immersion. When they finally reached that destination, mein Mädchen Betty would be the group's brightest star! She was over the moon with excitement at how warmly she’d been received; not even Veronica’s futile attempts to conceal her jealousy could throw a damper on her evening.
However, a damper did get thrown, and it took the form of a bloodcurdling scream from Toni Topaz! This happened about twenty minutes after the Monday night festival had ended. People noticed that dance captain Windsor Joy had missed the show finale and still hadn’t appeared. Where could he be? His fellow dancers searched for him in vain; then Hot Dog started barking loudly in front of a maintenance closet. A janitor opened it and found what was left of Windsor inside!
Toni was the next person to see the dance captain's corpse, and her screams brought people running from all over the theater. As I hurried toward the scene I heard Glammus Vidal yelling “cut him down! Please don’t leave him like that!” So by the time I got there, the noose had been loosened from Windsor's broken neck and his rigid body was lying on the floor. He'd also been castrated, and the gruesome evidence was laying on the closet floor!
Glammus was kneeling in that gory mess, oblivious to the blood that stained her clothes. She was cradling Windsor's poor head in her arms, sobbing and wailing so pitifully that it almost tore my heart out. His dead eyes were open, and I’ll never forget that awful blank stare; even now, I get queasy just thinking about it! But what really turned my stomach was seeing Hudson Beecher, slowly edging her way toward Glammus. She had an exaggerated look of concern on her face. Nicht zu glauben! I could see right through that fakery!
Hudson wasn't capable of sentiment. She could have cared less about Windsor Joy being dead! I knew that she was secretly glad, because with him out of the way there was nobody to come between her and Glammus. Now Ms. Full-of-Sympathy-and-Compassion was going to invite the grieving girl to cry on her shoulder. Then, when she was at her most vulnerable, the bitch was going to move in on her!
I didn’t wait to see Hudson go into action; I turned and walked away from the crime scene. If you haven’t guessed already, I didn’t much like my boss; but it was at times like that, when she was at her most predatory, that I could barely stand her. Mein Gott! That woman had no soul inside. For a moment - only a moment - I wished that Hudson had been the one found hanging from a rope!
THE ARCHIES ACCOMPANIED JAZZ GUITARIST
ROD MACK ON HIS 1991 SOLO ALBUM
END OF PART THREE
"The Tracks Of My Tears"