THE SMOKE STACK MURDERS (Part Two)

 HUDSON BEECHER . . .

. . . FOUL-MOUTHED COMEDY STAR! A CAKE OF SOAP WOULD MELT IF IT GOT WITHIN TEN FEET OF HER! BABE HAS LANDED A PLUM GIG AT HARLEM'S APOLLO THEATER, JOKING IT UP AT THE WEEK-LONG MOTOWN FESTIVAL. HUDSON KNOWS A LOT MORE THAN SHE TELLS AND TELLS MORE THAN SHE OUGHT TO KNOW! SHE'S BOTH THE KEEPER AND THE SPILLER OF SECRETS; BUT CAN WHAT SHE SAYS ABOUT THE LEADER OF THE APOLLO'S HOUSE BAND BE TRUE?  IS NICHOLAS FREUND REALLY A MAFIOSO AND A MURDERER? AND NOW THAT THE ARCHIES HAVE BEEN BOOKED TO HEADLINE THE MOTOWN FESTIVAL, ARE THEY IN ANY DANGER?

POP CULTURE CANTINA
presents
A MARVELOUS LIE PRODUCTION
"THE SMOKE STACK MURDERS"
A Graphic Novelette in Six Parts
featuring the Songs of
SMOKEY ROBINSON

PART TWO

"My Girl"

THE TIME: THE YEAR 2063 

(with flashbacks to the year 1990)

THE PLACE: NEW YORK CITY
THE NARRATOR: MARGYEE WENZEL

It's funny how life can throw people together unexpectedly, sometimes more than once!  After I worked with The Juggz in Hamburg, I had no reason to think I'd ever see Archie Andrews, Juggy Jones, Dilton Doiley and Reggie "Gino" Mantle again.  I did hear about them again, though, shortly before I left Germany for America.  When I reconnected at The Apollo Theater with Arch and Jug and their new group, The Archies, I told them something they hadn't known before.

After The Juggz returned to Riverdale, they got serious about chasing down a record deal.  Archie's wealthy girlfriend Veronica convinced them to cut a demo tape, and they tracked it on a home recorder at her family's beach house. Dilton is the one I’d have chosen to supervise a demo, because he was fantastic in the studio!  But even though she had no experience recording music, Veronica decided to produce it herself. Dilton wasn’t even there! Afterwards, Roni gave the tape to her father, communications magnate Ram Lodge.  Much to his dismay, she asked him to play it for his friends in the music industry!

  

Fortunately, he listened to it first. That demo sounded so bad, it might’ve done the opposite of what The Juggz hoped it would do!  I'm one of the few people who ever heard it. The boys performed a bunch of Neil Diamond songs Punk Rock style: Mein Gott, it was awful! I could hardly believe it was the same band I had worked with.

 

Well, when he heard that cringeworthy demo, Ram Lodge had no intention of circulating it.  He never liked to disappoint his daughter, though, so he figured out another way to help the group. He remembered Veronica telling him about movie soundtrack recordings The Juggz had made for my mother, Mimosa Vanhorne, and it just so happened that he knew her.  They had met when he was pursuing some business venture or other in Hamburg.

He dialed her up, and I answered the telephone.  When he mentioned The Juggz, I wouldn’t get off the line until he gave me all the details! Cut to the chase: Mama gave me permission to create a mix tape of songs that they'd recorded for her film, Ringo, I Love You. All of those tracks sounded wunderbar, because Mama was a perfectionist: She never put out substandard product. What's more, I helped her produce them!  Together, we made The Juggz sound just like professional studio musicians.

I sent that mix tape via overnight mail to Ram Lodge, and he used it to replace the demo Veronica had produced.  The very first music business executive he shared it with was Don Kirshner.  Once Kirshner heard Archie imitating Paul McCartney, he knew he'd found the perfect front man for a New Wave Pop group he wanted to create; so he signed the band to his record label and molded them to fit his vision.  

Don Kirshner didn't rename The Juggz, though; Jughead disabused me of that misconception.  "Because the band had my name, everybody thought I was the bandleader," he explained. "I wasn't, and I never wanted to be!  Archie was the leader, so at my urging we started using his name instead. That happened a couple of months before we met with the Kirshner people."

 

So, along with Ram Lodge and my mother, I can take credit for getting The Archies their first record deal.  Archie and Juggy didn’t doubt that what I told them was true, and they even admitted: "That really was a stank demo!"  It vanished without a trace, and we had a good laugh, speculating about what might have happened to it.  But I doubt Veronica would have been amused and I don't think they ever told her about the substitution!

I got acquainted with Veronica Lodge and Chuck Clayton, and quickly struck up a friendship with Betty Cooper; but The Archies didn’t have a lot of time to hang out! They only had that weekend to learn the songs, lock down the musical arrangements and stage their presentation. Also, it was the first time they’d been augmented by an orchestra on stage: Nicky Álvarez and his Salsa Soul Brothers!  As a rule, The Archies avoided musical collaborations; they were sensitive to accusations of not playing on their own records.  Archie had decreed that using guest musicians on stage was verboten!  However, this was a special occasion.

 
Archie and Chuck were both exceptional guitarists, but they felt that their music skills didn't measure up to those of Nicky's crew; after all, those guys were Jazz and Soul veterans!  So they decided to play their guitars only at certain points in the show.  Likewise, Veronica abandoned her electric piano to take up a tambourine alongside Betty; she knew that she couldn't match what a Latin Jazz pianist could do. On the other hand, Jughead was a phenomenal percussionist; he dazzled everybody with his raw talent!  Nicky Álvarez quickly saw that Juggy was good enough to alternate with his regular trap drummer.

I’ll never forget seeing The Salsa Soul Brothers in action. Working with Mama in the recording studio, I’d seen different configurations of musicians before but I’d never seen a Rock ‘n’ Roll big band like that!  They had two gigantisch drum kits, three pianos, a large xylophone, two bass guitars (a stand-up and a Fender), an eight-man Latin percussion section, a six-piece string section, twelve horns and five guitars!  Mein Gott! Apollo Theater house bands had always been big, though, going all the way back to the 1930s.

 
Lead guitar was played by Rod Mack, a talented young Jazz musician; he and Nicky worked most closely with The Archies during rehearsals.  Rod could play rings around both Archie and Chuck, but there was never any tension between them.  On the contrary, they hit it off with him right away and began a decades-long professional relationship. The Archies would play on a solo album Rod would cut the following year, and in turn he’d become one of their regular studio sidemen.

Rod was also a music arranger, and he wrote several of the song arrangements they performed at the Festival.  However, most of the arranging was done by former Folk music star Geraldine Grundy. She'd come down from New England with Chuck and the group. It later came to light that Nicky Álvarez had known her years ago. She recognized him, too, but initially, he pretended not to know her!  I'll explain why later.

 
Deanie (as she liked to be called) ran a music school where Chuck Clayton worked part-time. In the late Eighties and early Nineties, she wrote most of the arrangements that The Archies performed in concert. You could tell from the quality of her work that Deanie was a seasoned professional; she gave those Motown oldies a sparkle that made them sound like brand new compositions! More important, her charts served as a bridge where The Archies could meet the more experienced Salsa Soul Brothers on common musical ground.

Archie and Veronica were the group's lead singers, but Nicky wanted to know: "Can Jughead and Betty sing?"  When they answered in the affirmative, he asked Deanie and Rod to write some lead parts for them, and for Chuck, too.  All five ended up singing lead at different points in the show.  Betty, in particular, leapt at the chance to show what she was capable of!

 
I heard Nicky rehearsing her on "You Beat Me To The Punch", a Smokey Robinson tune that ended up not being sung in the show.  Veronica was making Betty nervous with petty criticisms like: "Girl, please! You didn't get anywhere near that note." Then she'd complain: "That song is pitched too high for her.  It's in my vocal range! Why don't I sing it instead?"  But Nicky was patient with Betty, and with each repetition, her pitch and timing improved.  She had a strong voice, just made for singing! Roni might've shaken her confidence a bit, but I knew my friend would be just fine once she got on stage with a mike in her hand.

Chuck, the only Black group member, handled all of the vocal arrangements; he had extensive training in Gospel music. I remember him joking that it was his job to make the Motown Festival audience forget that The Archies were "a bunch of Irish, Italian and Jewish kids from the 'burbs!" I would say that he succeeded, too. Yet as much as he, Deanie and Rod Mack contributed to the show’s success, it was Nicky Álvarez who kept everything together.

 
The Archies grew to trust him implicitly! He was a more-than-capable bandleader gifted with loads of charisma and a strong guiding hand; and Nicky was so laid-back, you’d never have guessed that he had a black cloud hanging over his head!  Not until my boss, Hudson Beecher started hanging around him. It wasn't obvious, but if you looked closely, you could tell that the very sight of her made him uncomfortable.

I hired on with Hudson as a comedy writer “with other duties as assigned”.  That meant that in addition to providing her with stage material, I was her cook, maid, butler, bottle washer, chauffeur, wardrobe mistress and make-up girl!  One day while I was toiling for her like a Hebrew slave, she told me some startling things about Nicky Álvarez.

 
"Listen, Margot," she brayed, blowing her verdammt marijuana smoke in my face as she talked. "That little swish isn't who he says he is!" (Hudson called me "Margot" even though I begged her not to. I absolutely despised that name.)  She claimed to have known Nicky back in the Sixties.  He wasn’t Latino at all, she said, but a German like me.

His real name was Nicholas Freund, and twenty-five years earlier he’d been one half of a Folk music duo called Freund and Lover. Hudson was pre-gender transition back then: She was known as "Hud" Beecher.  Freund and Lover had an avid female following, but Hud was one of a few male fans.  In fact, "his" great enthusiasm for their act led to her becoming president of their fan club; and in that capacity, she confirmed a suspicion of hers.  She thought there was more to the act than met the eye!  

Few people knew that Nicholas Freund and Lover Ramos were Gay lovers, but Hudson knew right away. She identified as a Gay man herself at the time!  What's more, she was infatuated with Lover, the handsome lead singer and focus of the act. “Nicholas was insanely jealous of us,” she fumed, “because he craved Lover for himself! As swishy as he was and still is, he was a little too 'butch' for Lover. Macho Puerto Rican men of any sexual preference want mates who are very feminine. Nicholas couldn’t stand it when Lover decided I was the one he preferred; so do you know what that Kraut bastard did, Margot?  He killed him!”

Hudson's shocking allegation certainly got my attention!  According to her, late one night Nicky Álvarez ambushed Lover Ramos, tied him down on some railroad tracks and watched him die a grisly death when the train came!  “Nicholas Freund came from a Mafia family," she declared, "and to him, that kind of killing was second nature. He was a fucking homicidal maniac, but I was too outraged to be afraid of him! I testified against his murdering faggot ass, and it was sweet revenge when he got convicted and sent to prison! But only as an accessory to murder; there wasn’t enough evidence to directly charge him with the crime.”

 
Nicholas got out of jail in the mid-Seventies, and Hudson said that’s when he assumed the identity of Nicky Álvarez. "He started over with his music career but a little problem called ex-convict status got in the way," Hudson drawled, puffing away on her blunt. "So the fat little queen adopted a fake name! Nicholas changed his appearance, too: He lost weight, cut his long hair and dyed it brown; but I recognized that mobbed-up motherfucker easily enough! He could never fool me.”

IN THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY, THE 

WALT DISNEY COMPANY WILL RELEASE
ARCHIES ALBUM TRIBUTES TO RON 
DANTE AND TONI WINE IN A TWO-
RECORD SET

Nicky didn’t start singing again; instead, he became a Jazz instrumentalist. "That gangster always did know his way around a guitar, and he's decent on drums and keyboards, too," Hudson admitted. "That's the one good thing I can say about his murdering Kraut ass!" From Nicky himself, I later learned that he was a session player on many studio sessions, including critically-acclaimed releases by Keith Jarrett, Herbie Hancock, Pat Metheny and Chick Corea.

 
In the Eighties, he cultivated a reputation as a reliable bandleader. In 1988, while I was busy getting acquainted with America, he landed his much-coveted gig as conductor of The Apollo Theater’s house band. Under his direction, it evolved into the red-hot Salsa Soul Brothers, mostly with musicians of his own choosing. Nicky Álvarez was an essential cog in the Apollo's turbo-charged music machine, but Hudson was determined to sabotage him!  She swore that she’d “out” him as a jailbird to his bosses, but not until after the Motown Festival was over.  She didn’t want there to be any complications that might impact her own gig!

That was Hudson for you: Vindictive! Her edgy comedy routine wasn't just an act; she really was a nasty, devious, conniving bitch! And she loved nothing better than to bully and intimidate people. Me, for instance! I feel so ashamed when I remember what I let Hudson get away with saying and doing to me. I’d slap the verdammt taste out of her filthy mouth if she were still around; I wouldn’t put up with her crap today, not for one minute!  It was tough to write comedy for someone so vicious and mean-spirited.

But it was just as hard to keep my mind on writing comedy routines when Glammus Vidal was around.  The Apollo Theater hired her as MC for the Motown Festival.  This girl was just stunning - one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen!  Her flaming red hair was styled in a buzz cut, her lips were the color of raspberries, her eyes were like the clear blue of a cloudless sky, and her skin was the color of a peach just about to ripen.  If it sounds like I was sold on her, well, I’m guilty as charged!

  
Glammus had a magnetic personality, too. I introduced myself, and in her sexy, husky Kathleen Turner voice, she told me how she hoped the Motown gig would open the door to an acting career.  "I've already done a little bit of fashion modeling," she admitted, "but the catwalk is no substitute for being onstage." I couldn’t believe she hadn’t been scooped up already by some Hollywood director or producer!

Rumor had it that Nicky Álvarez helped her land the MC job.  They clearly were friends, and very close, but it wasn't a romantic kind of thing. Nicky wasn't swishy like Hudson said, but he was definitely Gay! Among women at the Apollo, there was firm consensus about that. Besides, Glammus's heart belonged to someone in the festival dance troupe; she was seeing Windsor Joy, the dance captain. It broke my heart, even though I’d sensed right away that she wasn’t a Lesbian. That didn’t stop Hudson Beecher, though: She began flirting with Glammus Vidal as soon as they were introduced!

 
I knew that Hudson was bisexual (not to mention the biggest slut in New York City), but this was the first time I saw her go after a woman.  And how she went after her:  Always up in her face, with that awful stank breath she got from eating a raw salmon fad diet! And she'd say things to her that were so vulgar, even I felt embarrassed and believe me, I'm no prude. Needless to say, Glammus wasn’t interested! She sweetly but firmly rebuffed the increasingly crude advances.  That only made Hudson more persistent; and she was seething with jealousy after she found out about Windsor Joy!

I never got to know Glammus well, but we did have a handful of conversations.  My buddies at the Apollo were Betty, Toni Topaz and Deanie Grundy; also Jughead’s pet sheepdog Hot Dog, who came down with The Archies in their tour bus.  Puppy and I became very attached to each other! Whenever possible, we’d all get together in the performers' lounge for coffee (and a doggie treat).  Sometimes Glammus would come, too.

 
Monday afternoon, when Betty, Toni and Deanie were busy rehearsing for the first night of the festival, only Hot Dog, Glammus and I were in there.  As I was brewing the coffee, she lay her head down on the table and started crying! Hot Dog whimpered and put his shaggy head in her lap; I rushed over and asked if anything was wrong.  At first, she didn’t want to talk about it but then she confessed: "I'm having problems with somebody in the festival cast!:"

Workplace sexual harassment was known back then, but it wasn’t talked about as openly as it is today. Behind the scenes, someone was pressuring Glammus for sexual favors and it was stressing her out!  She wouldn't name the culprit, but I immediately knew who it was. In fact, I wanted to confront Hudson about her behavior! Frankly, though, I didn't have the nerve. If I valued my job, I knew not to interfere with her sexual interests and I certainly had never wanted to before! But despite my feelings for Glammus, I chickened out.

 
Instead, I urged her to confide in Nicky Álvarez.  He did intervene, and I’ll tell you about that later. Unloading her burden to me must have done some good, though, because when the festival curtain rose that night, Glammus Vidal showed no hint of distress; she was vibrant, dynamic and charming as hell!

HUDSON BEECHER, TONI TOPAZ, 

GERALDINE GRUNDY, MARGYEE WENZEL, 

BETTY AND VERONICA, NICHOLAS FREUND 

AND ROD MACK REHEARSE FOR THE 
MOTOWN FESTIVAL

END OF PART TWO

Click here for Part Three: 
"The Composer"

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE