Page Five of . . .
ARCHIE'S ALBUM COVER GALLERY
THE BUENA VISTA ALBUMS
2127 - 2129
HITS OF THE FIFTIES
DESTINATION LOVE POP-ART-CHIE
CHEER ME UP: THE ECHO VALLEY CHRISTMAS BALL
In the year 2124, The Walt Disney Company buys an Indian media conglomerate known as Vox Sound + Image. The main motivation for this multi-milion dollar purchase is Vox's ownership of the Archie Records catalogue. It includes the great early 21st century hits of The Archies! Disney wastes no time marketing new releases from that catalog. By 2127, its Buena Vista label has issued Archie Forever!, a deluxe ultra-long-playing hits compilation; Stone Archie, a collection of demos produced for The Archies by Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones; and So Much Love!, another demo-based Archies album produced by Carole King. Disney's controversial use of a bootleg master to press this album won't hurt its sales; in fact, all of these releases become best-sellers, as does a reissue of Archie's Christmas Album.
Among Disney's other acquisitions from Vox is a cache of rare rehearsal tapes long buried in the Archie Records archives. These contain rough versions of songs that The Archies later performed in concert or were intended for albums and singles. Quite a few are Rhythm and Blues-oriented (Archie will have been a huge Soul music buff) and most of those never progressed to the stage of studio recordings.
Disney will covet the chance to reissue Ride, Ride, Baby, a highly-praised album of Soul music covers; The Archies will have cut it for Atlantic Records in 2027. (You'll find no mention of this LP in The Archies' discography! The reverberations of a time warp described in our 2019 graphic novel "The Freaking Out of Geraldine Grundy" will bring it into existence.) TCM/Warner Music Group owns the album master, so a Disney reissue isn't possible; but catalog A & R chief Cecily Mourgos imagines a different Soul album when she hears the rehearsal tapes.
Mourgos cobbles together a pair of live sets from those tapes and slaps them on both sides of an LP. The resulting Hits Of The Fifties album gets marketed on the 100th anniversary of Ride, Ride, Baby. It's a collection of R & B classics that were all originally released by Atlantic Records artists. Among them is "Jim Dandy", a legendary Archies recording that has been bootlegged since the mid-2000s! Logically, Hits Of The Fifties will be sold as if it were a companion album to Ride, Ride, Baby; but despite rave reviews for its "raw" sound, the LP is not a big seller.
ARCHIES FAN CLUB/BUENA VISTA MEDIA
I Got A Woman (Ray Charles)
Poison Ivy (Leiber, Stoller)
Jim Dandy (Lincoln Chase)
Mama, He Treats Your Daughter Mean!
(Lance, Wallace)
Money Honey (Jesse Stone)
Chains Of Love (Ertegun, Van Walls)
Sh'Boom! (The Chords)
One Mint Julep (Rudy Toombs)
A Lover's Question (Benton, Williams)
The Chicken And The Hawk
(Leiber, Stoller)
Beyond The Sea (Lawrence, Trenet)
Teardrops From My Eyes (Rudy Toombs)
PREVIOUSLY UNRELEASED REHEARSAL
TAPE PERFORMANCES
HITS OF THE FIFTIES
The Archies
Music Directors:
CHUCK CLAYTON + D'ANGELO WONG
Produced by THE ARCHIES
2127
The performances of Betty, Veronica, Kelly and especially Chuck Clayton (on "One Mint Julep") draw effusive praise from critics; but to say that the board members of Archies, Incorporated disapprove of Hits Of The Fifties is an understatement! However, compared to Elijah Baumgartner Andrews, they're just mildly peeved! Archie's son is apoplectic that rehearsal tapes would be used as source material for an Archies compilation. Shortly after the album tanks, Andrews is elected chairman of "Archies Ink"; it's a high-profile appointment, since he's an icon in the LGBT community as well as a prominent environmental activist. Dude wastes no time taking a more assertive stance with Disney!
Denouncing the company for "tarnishing my father's legacy with substandard product", Andrews demands to meet with company executives. Disney resists but finally agrees after he threatens legal action. Months of tense negotiations result in a compromise: Cecily Mourgos will consult with Andrews on future releases from the Archie archive.
Their first collaboration results in an unreleased duet album recorded by Archie and Veronica between 2007 and 2015. Destination Love isn't demo or rehearsal tape-based; it's generated from finished masters. Jason Blossom is known to have called the album "a piece of shit" but it turns out to be an excellent collection: All fifteen of its songs were written by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. A tribute to the legendary writer/producers, it will be the companion album to Ride, Ride, Baby that Disney hoped Hits Of The Fifties would be. Sales figures aren't exceptional but they're more than respectable, and critical reviews are absolutely glowing!
Like Hits of The Fifties, Destination Love will be marketed on an Archie Records subsidiary label: In this case, the notorious, short-lived Cherry Vagina imprint! But Elijah Baumgartner Andrews wants to revive the subsidiaries, so future Buena Vista releases will carry "Archie Americana", "Archies Fan Club" and "Cherry Vagina" as well as "Archie" record labels.
CHERRY VAGINA/BUENA VISTA MEDIA
Bossa Nova Baby (Leiber, Stoller)
Some Other Guy (Barrett, Leiber, Stoller)*
Destination Love (Leiber, Stoller)
I'm A Woman (Leiber, Stoller)
My Boy John (Leiber, Stoller)
You're The Boss (Leiber, Stoller)**
Kansas City (Leiber, Stoller)**
Ruby Baby (Leiber, Stoller)*
I Keep Forgettin'
(Garfield, Leiber, Stoller)***
Pearl's A Singer
(Dino, Leiber, Sembello, Stoller)
Love Me (Leiber, Stoller)***
Trouble (Leiber, Stoller)***
Is That All There Is? (Leiber, Stoller)
Neighborhood
(Dino, Leiber, Sembello, Stoller)
Stand By Me (King, Leiber, Stoller)****
A PREVIOUSLY-UNRELEASED ALBUM MASTER
DESTINATION LOVE
Archie + Veronica
Produced by BREE SPELLMAN
*Produced by D'ANGELO WONG
**Produced by JEFF BARRY
***Produced by CHUCK CLAYTON
****Produced by
BREE SPELLMAN + D'ANGELO WONG
2128
As adults, The Archies became famous as a "covers" band, reviving classics from the Great American Rock 'n' Roll Song Book. Specifically, they were known for reviving the song catalogs of Brill Building legends like Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich, Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil and Gerry Goffin and Carole King. Yet the group members wrote original songs, too; several became hits for other artists, mostly in the Country music genre. The 2117 Vox compilations Titty Twister and Reprehensible will have collected demos of these songs intended for others to sing; but in 2129, Disney will market a compilation of song demos that were all meant for an Archies album! It would've been the band's only self-composed LP.
Elijah Baumgartner Andrews is directly responsible for the release of Pop-Art-Chie. His correspondence with the heirs of superstar Garcy Briseño brings to light evidence of this previously-unknown album project. Garcy's father, producer, songwriter and record executive Dilton Doiley Briseño will have told his daughter about it; he worked closely with The Archies and was to have been music director at the studio sessions. Extensive notes regarding the project will surface, leading to the discovery of song demos in the archives of Riverdale Music Academy; that's an élite music school that Archie and Veronica Lodge-Andrews founded in 2017.
Along with arranger/producers Sabrina "Bree" Spellman and Justin Strickland, Dilton Doiley Briseño collaborated with The Archies on a total of eighteen new compositions. All of the demos date from the year 2012, which is when the aborted album would have been released, and all were produced in a Techno-Pop style. Pop-Art-Chie would have been a radical departure from The Archies' signature roots Rock sound! Cecily Mourgos will use these song demos to painstakingly construct an album, and there'll be a bare minimum of remixing; Elijah Baumgartner Andrews will insist on it! Many Archies demos sounded professional enough to release as finished masters, and these certainly do.
Since no photo sessions were scheduled for Pop-Art-Chie, Mourgos's research staff will assemble album artwork from an unused 2012 photo shoot by Vanity Fair Magazine. Photographer Stuffed Animal had The Archies wear elaborate barbarian costumes designed by celebrity fashion designer Tanya Hyde. These images will lend a sword-and-sandal fantasy element to the edgy Techno songs featured on the album. Fans will consider Pop-Art-Chie a follow-up to 2114's ABBA-Normality, and it will be almost as successful!
Famed deejay Don Señorito Cartoon, the alleged grandson of Veronica Lodge-Andrews, will pull four songs off the album and remix them for Gay party circuit dance venues. Incredibly, "Highway Runner" will top Billboard's Dance chart and then be replaced in quick succession by "Romeo", "Melanie" and "You To Me Are Everything"! Pop-Art-Chie will go on to win for The Archies the first of two posthumous Best Catalog Album Grammy Awards. Not long afterwards, much to the delight of everyone involved, it will cross over to the Pop charts and earn a Gold Record! Even so, the album will draw mixed reviews from Rock critics and rank low among fan favorites. Music being such a subjective thing, you can never please everybody!
ARCHIES FAN CLUB/BUENA VISTA MEDIA
Highway Runner (Andrews, Cooper)
Brooklyn (Briseño, Cooper, Spellman)
Leave Me Alone! (Jones, Strickland)
End Of The Week (Briseño, Spellman)*
Romeo (Briseño, Spellman)*
Melanie (Andrews, Cooper)
A Runner With The Pack
(Dilton Doiley Briseño)
True Love Survives (Briseño, Cooper)
To Turn The Stone (Andrews, Briseño)
You To Me Are Everything (Briseño, Spellman)*
Sweet Emotion (Briseño, Spellman)*
I Don't Know How To Love Him
(Rice, Webber)
Rainbow (Trevor Smith)
Back Where You Belong (Jones, Strickland)
I Believe In You (Jones, Strickland)
Walk On! (Andrews, Briseño)
People Talk (Andrews, Cooper)
I Need Time (Andrews, Briseño, Cooper)
A PREVIOUSLY-UNRELEASED ALBUM IN DEMO FORM
based on the unreleased 1981 two-record set
I'M A RAINBOW by Donna Summer
POP-ART-CHIE
The Archies
*from the musical production Mexotica
Music Director:
DILTON DOILEY BRISEÑO
2129
Also in 2129, The Walt Disney Company collaborates for the first time on a Discos Fuentes release of Archies material. It happens when Fuentes schedules the release of masters that are owned by Disney; decades earlier, the Vox label made the same mistake with a recording owned by Fuentes.
At that time, a "sister label" relationship was subsequently established between the two companies. This time, Disney contracts to distribute the disputed Fuentes album. It's audio from a 2004 podcast, long believed lost, that features The Archies headlining a various artists holiday show. The audio was produced by sound engineer Tom Mourgos, the grandfather of Cecily! Not surprisingly, she is heavily involved with the Fuentes collaboration behind the scenes.
DISCOS FUENTES/CODA/BUENA VISTA MEDIA
Cherry, Cherry (Neil Diamond)
- The Archies featuring Archie
Be My Baby (Barry, Greenwich, Spector)
- The Archies featuring Reggie
Julie, Do Ya Love Me? (Tom Bahler)
- Devon
Lay A Little Lovin' On Me (Barry, Cretecos, McNamara)
- Katy Keene
Sooner Or Later (Bottler, McNamara, Paris, Zekley)
- Blue-Eyed Soul featuring Jughead
Janie, Janie (Allan, Dante)
- Veronica
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy (Levine, Resnick)
- The Bingos featuring Bingo
Cheer Me Up (Barry, Carr, Dante)
- Blue-Eyed Soul
Have Yourself A Rock 'n' Roll Christmas (Brooks, Kasha)
- The Bingos featuring Bingo
Jingle Bell Rock (Beal, Boothe)
- Blue-Eyed Soul
Band Of Gold (Dozier, Dunbar, Holland)
- Katy Keene
Charmer (Tim Moore)
- The Archies featuring Archie
Love That Little Woman (Barry, Kim)
- The Archies featuring Reggie
My Baby Loves Lovin' (Cook, Greenaway)
- The Bingos featuring Bingo
Temptation Eyes (Price, Walsh)
- Blue-Eyed Soul featuring Kelly
We Can't Dance To Your Music
(Barry, Williams)
- Devon
More Today Than Yesterday (Patrick Upton)
- Devon
Venus (Robbie Van Leeuwen)
- The Archies featuring Betty
Mony Mony (Bloom, Cordell, Gentry, James)
- The Archies + The Bingos
featuring Archie + Bingo
Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)
(Barry, Greenwich, Spector)
- The Archies featuring Betty
PREVIOUSLY UNRELEASED PODCAST PERFORMANCES
PROFESSOR BUBBLEGUM
presents
CHEER ME UP:
THE ECHO VALLEY CHRISTMAS BALL
Music Director: JEFF BARRY
Production + Sound by
TOM MOURGOS
2129
With a foot in the door of a legendary Latin music label like Discos Fuentes,
Disney will be inclined to stay put! By the year 2140, Buena Vista Media
will have taken full control of Fuentes's distribution. Complete
ownership of The Archies' catalog seems within reach, but just
like the Vox label Discos Fuentes will prove to be a tough
negotiator! A buyout will take more time.
A MARVELOUS LIE PRODUCTION
Text by HAMPTON JACOBS
Art by STUFFED ANIMAL
A homeless artist born 24 June 1960
Styling by LIZ TINSLEY
Fashion by JULIE FAZIO, DONATELLA GRANITO and
TANYA HYDE for HENRIETTA la del BARRIO
Listen to selections from the imaginary Archies Rockumentary