The File On Stormy Foster: Chapter Three

THE FILE ON STORMY FOSTER 
A Cartoon Movie Serial in Twelve Chapters
CHAPTER THREE: 
“THE GAY MESSIAH”

STORMY FOSTER THE GAY MESSIAH

TIME AND PLACE:
 HAWAII, 1990 (and in flashback, 1942) 

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
IRENE BANG, the NARRATOR
NIRMAHL BEN-ABSALOM, the REFUGEE
MAMO, the HIGH PRIESTESS
PAJARO HINA, the QUEEN
BASIL SINGAPORE, the DECOY

 It’s Irene Bang, back on tape with the third installment of Nirmahl Ben-Absalom’s incredible story. I knew him as Stormy Foster. I’ve told you how he fled an unhappy life in Honolulu: The dissolution of his family after his mother's suicide, and being forced into prostitution by a predatory masked madam. After surviving a beating that nearly cost him his life, a mysterious man named Puma helped Stormy escape to an uncharted island. 

The people he found on Pajaro Island practiced a religion that extolled peace, love, respect for the natural environment and gender equality. It also celebrated same-sex love. When he converted to this amazing faith, Stormy had to undergo a complex ritual. It began with an ancient Hawaiian tradition: The Makahiki Festival. 

Stormy said it was an incredible experience that changed his life forever. He described to me how Pajaro Islanders conducted the festival. The gathering was held inside the queen’s compound, far up in the hills. There were throngs of people there, laughing, singing, dancing, feasting, playing games and drinking wine. Festivities began in the middle of the day and lasted well into the evening. As a new convert to the Kauwa religion, Stormy was a guest of honor. He and the other initiates were given rainbow-hued sarongs to wear; the colors signified their honored status. 

At dusk, a group of women gathered in a circle and demonstrated the Hula Mai: That’s an ancient Polynesian hula that celebrates the sexual organs. After a few minutes, everyone joined in. Stormy said the dancing went on for an hour or so, with dancers gradually pairing off and heading into guest huts to make love. Finally, no one was left but the initiates. There were four. They were urged to keep dancing, which they did until they dropped to the ground from sheer exhaustion. 

Then Pajaro Hina, the queen, directed them to be carried into the luakini (temple) where she lived with her royal staff. They slept on luxurious feather beds until late the following morning. The celebrations had resumed by the time they awoke, but the four initiates did not return to them. Instead, the Pajaro Kahuna Nui (high priestess) and a band of Kauwani elders led them up the big mountain. 

MAKAHIKI FESTIVAL ON PAJARO ISLAND

MAKAHIKI FESTIVAL ON PAJARO ISLAND 

Stormy said they reached the base of the giant bird statuary just before sundown. He told me there was a cavern up there with an ancient altar inside. It was round and huge, the size of a large millstone. The elders passed out food that they’d brought along, and then Mamo, the Pajaro Kahuna Nui led a prayer service. When it concluded, she spread sacred mats on the cavern floor and everyone slept. 

Just before dawn, the initiates were roused and instructed to lay on the altar in a circle with their heads touching. Immediately, a large number of tropical birds flew into the cavern and rested on the round edge of the altar. “It was eerie,” Stormy said, “because when the birds came, they didn’t make a sound. Not even their wings.” The elders offered a prayer, and then a large amount of Lavender Tarot root was emptied into a pipe. The pipe was passed among the initiates, and one by one they fell into a deep trance. 

When Stormy awoke, he found himself strapped to a large kite that was suspended hundreds of feet in the air! He told me: “I was never afraid of heights, but the wind felt like a dozen whips flogging me. It was awful!” The queen’s tests of faith had begun! 

Just as Puma had described, these trials lasted from sunup to sundown on four consecutive days. When each one ended, the initiates were returned to the cavern, massaged with sacred oils and instructed to sleep. They were not allowed to consume food. For three successive mornings, there was more Tarot root smoking, more trances, and more tests: Day-long burial in a sand pit while encased in a giant gourd; day-long burning in fire while wrapped in protective Pia leaves; and finally, day-long submerging in the sea while wrapped in some kind of waterproof shroud.  Stormy brought that shroud with him to Honolulu; I wish I still had it!  The fabric was unlike any I'd ever seen before.

Given how Lavender Tarot root enhanced the human senses to razor-sharpness, those life-threatening trials were terrifying! Stormy assured me that nobody died, but the experience was too traumatic for the other three initiates. He said that one dropped out after the air test. The sand test was too much for another one. The last two flat-out refused to take the fire test. “They didn’t have enough faith in the gods,” he said, “but mine was still strong.” Stormy was the only one left to endure the test of sea burial. 

Led by Mamo and the elders, he descended the mountain by a secret path and emerged on a stretch of beach. Stormy told me how the elders shrouded him and placed him in a canoe. Then they rowed far out into the surf and dropped him overboard. “At first, it felt like I was suffocating,” he remembered, “but then I was somehow able to breathe again.” He said that when he was finally pulled up from the sea bottom, tropical birds were flying overhead, singing at the top of their voices. 

Back on the beach, some of the birds perched on his shoulders. They brushed their wings against his face and neck, and he was filled with joy. “It was a rapturous feeling, like being born again,” he told me.  He said he felt as though his soul had been renewed; but he was puzzled by astonished looks on the faces of the elders as they looked at him. “AKUA!” one cried, and then the cry was taken up by everyone except Mamo, the Pajaro Kahuna Nui. She just looked at him solemnly. 

Alarmed, Stormy asked her what had happened. It seemed that his long brown hair had changed color to platinum silver and was glowing intensely. The elders fell to their knees and resumed shouting “AKUA”!  Mamo gestured for them to stop, and there was immediate silence. The birds also fell silent and flew back out to sea. “The gods have spoken,” she declared. She directed Stormy to break his fast, eat and rest. When he woke up, he found everyone packed up and prepared to leave. The party wasted no time returning to the queen’s compound. Ah, here is my husband at last! He has firsthand knowledge of what happened next to Stormy. 

HOLY BEDCHAMBER

INSIDE THE HOLY BEDCHAMBER 

Aloha! My name is Basil Singapore. My wife, Irene, is the primary source of information about the life of Nirmahl Ben-Absalom. She was his fiancée, and they shared confidences that only she can reveal. However, I was his friend, his closest friend I think, and I also lived on Pajaro Island for many years. When we met, he was introduced to me by his surname “Absalom”. That’s the name that Puma and all of us called him before and after he was declared Akua. 

I was brought to the Kauwa refuge long before Absalom arrived; so long, in fact, that you wouldn’t believe me if I told you! All I can say is that the Kanaka Tanga had a secret method of prolonging life that I, as a convert to their religion, benefited from. I was, and still am, a believer. I understand the significance of Kauwa rituals. I witnessed Absalom taking part in certain ceremonies that Irene has asked me to talk about; so, to the best of my memory, I’ll recall them for you. 

The day after completing his faith trials, Absalom, Mamo and the elders arrived back at the queen’s compound. Absalom was given a special audience with her that evening. Every Kahuna on the island was there; about ten or twelve holy women in all. They preceded him into the temple. The members of his brethren household, of which I was one, were also allowed entry. When everyone was inside, the elders stepped forward and addressed the queen. 

They declared Absalom the first initiate in many moons to pass all four tests of faith. They described the sea birds landing on his shoulders as he emerged from the surf and his glowing hair, both of which were signs from the gods. Pajaro Hina, the queen, requested a tureen of sacred oil and motioned for Absalom to approach her.  She disrobed him and, dipping her hands into the oil, she anointed his body from head to toe.  Then she clapped her hands, and Mamo brought to her an ancient scroll. The queen carefully opened it and began to read aloud.  

Pajaro Hina was also called the Son-Daughter because of her third-gender status. She never spoke English; she despised all Maka Inana languages and only spoke Kauwani. On religious occasions such as this one, she used an ancient dialect that Absalom couldn’t understand.  I didn't know that dialect, either, so Mamo had to translate for us. 

The scroll contained a creation narrative that incorporated the history of the Kanaka Tanga. It described the homophobic persecution that had driven them to their island refuge, and the Magic Bird of Fire that had led them there. This was the carefully-guarded story that only religious converts were allowed to hear. But then the narrative changed from history to prophecy. 

The scroll told of a Chosen One, an Akua who would one day appear on Pajaro Island. This divine emissary had dormant powers over air, earth, fire and water that only the Son-Daughter could activate. The Akua’s arrival would coincide with heightened persecution of “foreign-born” Kauwani, that is, Gay people who lived in the Hawaiian islands.
 
They would be targeted by an evil Kahuna Nui.  We understood that this was a man, because we were taught that only male Kahuna were evil.  This particular male was so powerful, it would take the combined efforts of half the world to defeat him! Much later, I would learn that his name was Adolph Hitler. The gods would dispatch their Akua to defend mainland-based Kauwa from this mass-murderer. 

That the elders had declared Absalom the Akua of legend was obvious; but the rest of the prophecy confused him. When he asked for clarification, Mamo replied that all would soon be revealed to him by our gods, Mother Penis and Father Vagina. He was told to expect a “spirit dream”. Such dreams are how the gods communicate with us directly. Later, Absalom confirmed to me that his questions had been answered in this way. 

There was more to the legend, but the queen did not read the entire scroll. She closed it up and began to pray, prompting everyone in the temple to kneel. Stormy dropped to his knees as well but Pajaro Hina raised him to his feet again. We all began to chant: “Absalom is AKUA!” As our chanting grew louder, the queen took Absalom by both hands and led him into her sacred royal bedchamber.  Mamo and the elders followed. 

NIRMAHL LEARNS HOW TO FLY

ABSALOM LEARNS HOW TO FLY 

We were never told exactly what happened in that bedchamber; but everyone understood that whatever sacred ceremony took place, it bestowed special powers on the Akua. When Absalom emerged from the bedchamber, he was still naked and a bird of brilliant color rode his shoulder. Everyone gasped and kneeled in awe: It was the fabled Magic Bird of Fire! For the first time in many decades, our queen had reverted to her true form. 

At Mamo's direction, Absalom stood in the center of the compound and performed certain feats. As I and hundreds of other Pajaro Islanders watched, he demonstrated control over the four elements he’d bested during his tests of faith: Air, earth, water and fire. We marveled as he drew plant roots up out of the ground and made them blossom. We cowered as he called up a violent windstorm. Someone brought a basin of water, and Absalom made it leap and dance just by holding his hands over it! Everyone broke into delighted applause at that feat, but when he miraculously shot fire from his fingertips, we were filled with reverence: We began to chant, pray and sing praises to our gods. 

Needless to say, Absalom was overwhelmed! He was also frightened by his new abilities, and that was expected: No human being knows instinctively how to control such powerful forces. The elders made him undergo a period of training that lasted three weeks or so. The brothers in his household were allowed to watch as he basically learned how to be superhuman!

It was thrilling to see him learn to form fireballs with his hands, sculpt foliage, create water spouts in the surf and sail above the tree tops like a seagull. The silver-winged harness that Absalom used to steady his training flights later became part of the costume my wife designed for him. When the wings became invisible, we knew his training was complete. 

Of course, by then we knew that Absalom would be leaving us. A convert to the Kauwa faith was free to make our secret refuge his permanent home, but one who was declared Akua could not stay! He had a sacred mission to fulfill in the heterosexual world, which we called the land of Maka Inana. 

STORMY FOSTER OUTRO

You've just read Chapter Three! Click below to read
Second chapter in the Stormy Foster saga
Then be sure to read 
Fourth chapter in the Stormy Foster saga
Concept by HAMPTON JACOBS and PATTY BALL 
Art by STUFFED ANIMAL 
Costumes by HENRIETTA la del BARRIO 
Project Assistance by RODERICK MACK and DAVE PEARSON
Text by HAMPTON JACOBS