STORMY FOSTER RETURNS: Chapter Twelve
POP CULTURE CANTINA
presents
A MARVELOUS LIE PRODUCTION
A MOCK SCREENPLAY
in sixteen chapters
STORMY FOSTER
RETURNS
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CHAPTER TWELVE:
"DEADLIER THAN THE MALE"
THE YEAR 1991
DAKOTA APARTMENTS,
NEW YORK CITY
MY BIRTH NAME WAS AMBROGIO di FALCO BONAVENTURA. MY PROFESSIONAL NAME IS SIR AMBROSE NIXON. I AM A WARLOCK, A NOTED DIRECTOR OF STAGE AND SCREEN, A KNIGHT OF THE BRITISH REALM, A COUSIN BY MARRIAGE TO DELLA NIGHTSHADE AND THE BIOLOGICAL COUSIN OF HER DAUGHTER SABRINA.
THE WICCAN HIGH COUNCIL HAS TASKED ME WITH TRACING THE ACTIVITIES OF THE WOMAN KNOWN AS ALEXANDARA DIAMOND SINCE THAT AWFUL DAY WHEN SHE TOOK SABRINA'S LIFE.
THERE IS ACTUALLY NO SUCH PERSON AS ALEXANDRA DIAMOND. SHE WAS BORN TARA NATION FAWS, AND SHE DOES NOT BELONG IN THIS TIME PERIOD - BUT TARA IS NOT WHO WE ARE CONCERNED WITH. IT'S THE SOUL OF SABRINA'S ARCH-ENEMY CARMEN SERNA THAT WE’RE PITTED AGAINST. FOR MANY YEARS NOW, THAT SOUL HAS USED TARA’S BODY AS HER ZOMBIE HOST. IN ORDER TO AVOID CONFUSION, I WILL USE THE NAME “TARA” IN REFERENCE TO HER GOING FORWARD.
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IN 1961, TARA ACHIEVED HER TWIN GOALS OF MURDERING SABRINA AND PERMANENTLY IMPERSONATING ALEXANDRA CABOT. TAKING ALEXANDRA AS HER PRISONER, TARA TRIED AND FAILED TO TURN HER INTO A ZOMBIE. ENRAGED THAT XANDIE'S VOODOO CHARMS PROTECTED HER FROM SPIRIT POSSESSION, SHE DECIDED TO KILL HER!
RETURNING TO THE REALM OF LIVING DEATH WITH THAT INTENT, SHE FOUND XANDIE ALREADY DEAD - THE APPARENT RESULT OF RECENTLY ADMINISTERED TORTURE. BUT THE REAL ALEXANDRA WAS SAFE AND SOUND! THE COLD AND LIMP BODY SHE SAW WAS ME IN DISGUISE, AND IT WAS ACTUALLY I WHO ENDURED TORTURE IN XANDIE'S PLACE. AFTER I CONVINCINGLY FEIGNED HER DEATH, THE COAST WAS CLEAR FOR TARA TO PERMANENTLY ASSUME HER IDENTITY.
IT TOOK TARA OVER A DECADE TO PLOT HER NEXT MOVE. AS THE SIXTIES PROGRESSED, SHE CO-MANAGED BRITISH POP ACTS WITH XANDIE'S BROTHER LEX CABOT, INCLUDING JOSIE JAMES’S SON GREGORY. EVEN THOUGH THE CABOTS WERE NO LONGER INVOLVED WITH JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS - THE BAND WAS PURSUING A SUCCESSFUL CAREER ON THE CONTINENT - TARA WAS DIRECTLY INVOLVED IN GETTING THEM CAST IN A 1973 MOVIE.
THAT MOVIE PUSSY RIOT CAPTURED A CULT FOLLOWING THAT THRIVES TO THIS DAY, AND “ALEXANDRA CABOT ” BECAME “ALEXANDRA DIAMOND” WHEN TARA MARRIED ITS DIRECTOR. HER SECRETLY TRANSSEXUAL AND SOON-TO-BE DECEASED SPOUSE - IN ALL PROBABILITY, ANOTHER ONE OF HER MURDER VICTIMS - POINTED TARA IN THE DIRECTION OF HER NEXT EVIL ENTERPRISE.
AS YOU ALREADY KNOW, SHE QUIT THE MUSIC BUSINESS IN ORDER TO BECOME A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER. SOON, SHE WAS PREACHING AN INCREASINGLY RADICAL GOSPEL OF GENDER IDEOLOGY. IT WAS THE FIRST STEP OF AN ELABORATE PLAN TO SEIZE CONTROL OF WHAT WOULD SOON BE CALLED THE EUROPEAN UNION.
DIFFERENT INTERPRETATIONS OF GENDER IDEOLOGY EXIST. THE ONE THAT TARA NATION FAWS SUPPORTS PATHOLOGIZES HOMOSEXUALITY! IT TEACHES THAT 1) HOMOSEXUAL AND BISEXUAL BEHAVIOR IS BOTH ABNORMAL AND HARMFUL (2), IT RESULTS FROM A CHILD'S GENDER BEING INCORRECTLY "ASSIGNED" AT BIRTH AND 3) EITHER GENDER ROLE “AFFIRMATION” OR MEDICAL SEX CHANGE IS THE WAY TO “CURE” IT.
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THE SOLDIERS OF MERCY
RUN AMOK!
IN EUROPE, THERE IS NOW A MARAUDING BAND OF "GENDER ENFORCERS” KNOWN AS THE SOLDIERS OF MERCY. COMPRISED OF BOTH NAZIS AND NEO-NAZIS, THEY HAVE NO OFFICIAL CONNECTION TO TARA’S CULT, THE DIAMOND TRUST. THESE “SOLDIERS” KIDNAP PEOPLE WHO DISPLAY GENDER NON-CONFORMITY AND TRANSPORT THEM TO DESIGNATED MEDICAL FACILITIES. GENDER IDEOLOGUE PHYSICIANS THEN PROCEED TO TRANSITION THESE "TRANSGRESSORS" AGAINST THEIR WILL.
AFTER THE FACT, PRE-DATED AND SIGNED CONSENT FORMS ALWAYS APPEAR; THUS FAR, THESE DUBIOUS DOCUMENTS HAVE MANAGED TO STAVE OFF LEGAL ACTION. IN HER PUBLIC STATEMENTS, TARA STOPS JUST SHORT OF APPROVING ABDUCTIONS AND FORCED SEX CHANGES BUT IN ACTUALITY, SHE FULLY APPROVES! THEY’RE CARRIED OUT ON HER ORDERS.
THUS, TARA NATION FAWS HAS PROVEN TO BE FAR MORE OF A THREAT TO SEX AND GENDER DIVERSITY THAN HER NOTORIOUS NAZI ANCESTOR, "DEACON" DIAMOND FAWS EVER WAS. INCIDENTALLY, BOTH TARA AND HER LATE HUSBAND LUCKY DIAMOND ARE RELATED TO HIM - THE LINK BETWEEN THE TWO ANTI-GAY CAMPAIGNS COULD NOT BE ANY MORE DIRECT.
TARA IS OBSESSED WITH EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE SABRINA WAS ASSOCIATED WITH, AND HER DEATH DID NOT CURE THAT OBSESSION. WHEN SHE NEEDED HELPERS TO ASSIST IN FACILITATING A SCHEME FOR CONTINENTAL DOMINATION, TARA RECRUITED HER FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES. UNDERSTAND THAT MY USE OF THE WORD “RECRUIT” IS RELATIVE! NO FREE WILL WAS INVOLVED IN HOW SHE ACQUIRED HER THREE PRIMARY DELEGATES: EVANGELINE CHROME, HER HUSBAND TOBIAS MAXWELL, AND THE FORMER JOSIE JAMES.
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STORMY FOSTER
SUMMER FASHION SPREAD
EVANGELINE "VANGIE" CHROME WAS ONCE KNOWN AS SINGER FONZI NERO. BORN IN THE YEAR 2052, "THE FONZ" WILL HAVE HOPED TO BECOME THE KIND OF STAR THAT STORMY FOSTER IS, BUT THE ODDS WERE STACKED AGAINST HIM. HIS BIRTH NAME IS NERO BLOSSOM, AND HE’S THE SON OF POP SINGER RIKKI NINJA AND ARTIST MANAGER PATSY KATE BLOSSOM. FONZI WILL SUFFER FROM SEVERE BODY DYSMORPHIA FOR A UNIQUE REASON: HE IS IN REALITY A CANINE! A RED POODLE, TO BE PRECISE.
SABRINA WILL HAVE TRANSFERRED HIS LIFE ESSENCE INTO THE BODY OF A STILLBORN BABY, AND THOUGH SHE’LL HAVE MEANT WELL - SHE DOES IT TO PRESERVE NERO’S LIFE ESSENCE - IT’S A GRAVE MISTAKE. THE SOUL TRANSFER LEAVES HIM TRAPPED IN A STATE THAT’S NEITHER FULLY ANIMAL NOR HUMAN! THE TRAUMA OF IT WILL NEVER DIMINISH, GRADUALLY MAKING HIM SUICIDAL.
NERO THE DOG IS A CASUALTY OF TARA’S INSANE VENDETTA AGAINST SABRINA, AND THE TRANSFER OF HIS SOUL INFURIATES HER. HER FIRST INSTINCT IS TO DESTROY THE BABY - BUT THEN SHE DECIDES THAT CONTROLLING HIM IS MUCH MORE TO HER ADVANTAGE. TOWARD THAT END, TARA WILL CALLOUSLY EXPLOIT FONZI NERO'S DYSPHORIA! SHE TRAVELS FORWARD IN TIME AND SEEKS HIM OUT AS A YOUNG MAN ON THE BRINK OF SUICIDE. TARA CONVINCES HIM THAT MISASSIGNED GENDER IS THE SOURCE OF HIS MISERY. "THE FONZ" AGREES TO ACCOMPANY HER INTO THE PAST, BACK TO THE LATE 1980s WHERE SHE SHEPHERDS HIM THROUGH MEDICAL SEX CHANGE.
POST-SURGERY, FONZI NERO IS KNOWN AS VANGIE. OF COURSE, BEING A TRANSWOMAN DOESN’T CURE HIS DYSPHORIA - HE’LL CONTINUE TO SUFFER AND BE AN EVEN GREATER SUICIDE RISK UNLESS HE UNDERGOES A VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF INTERVENTION!
TOBIAS MAXWELL IS BETTER KNOWN AS TOBY MAXX, A HIGHLY-RESPECTED SAXOPHONE PLAYER THAT SABRINA WILL DISCOVER IN 2037. TOBY WILL APPEAR TO DIE IN A 2071 MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT THAT TARA TRAVELS INTO THE FUTURE TO ENGINEER! HAVING SENT HIM INTO A DEATHLIKE TRANCE, SHE LATER REVIVES HIM AND PERFORMS A ZOMBIFICATION RITUAL. THIS DANGEROUS SERIES OF HEXES ALMOST ALWAYS DESTROYS THE MIND OF THE SUBJECT! WHILE TOBY MAXX AVOIDS THAT DIRE FATE, HE MAY AS WELL NOT HAVE - HE NO LONGER HAS ANY WILL OF HIS OWN!
THE 2050s IS WHEN TARA WILL BEGIN LAYING DEATH TRAPS FOR SABRINA’S FRIENDS IN THE DISTANT PAST. HER OBJECTIVE IS TO LURE MY COUSIN TO HER AFOREMENTIONED DEMISE: THE FIRST TRAP WILL THREATEN THE NEW ARCHIES, A SUCCESSOR GROUP TO THE ARCHIES THAT INCLUDES TOBY MAXX. THE SECOND TRAP WILL BRING ABOUT THE DEATH OF FAWN "BIG ETHEL" MASON AND NEARLY KILL ARCHIES MEMBER REGGIE MANTLE!
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SPILL THE WINE
REGGIE'S FIRST HIT SOLO ALBUM REISSUED
WITH BONUS TRACKS BY THE ARCHIES
THE THIRD TRAP TARGETS SABRINA THROUGH JOSIE AND THE PUSSY CATS, AND THAT IS THE ONE THAT WILL SUCCEED - OR WE CAN SAY THAT IT HAS SUCCEEDED FROM THE VANTAGE POINT OF 1991. AS A RESULT, THE GROUP’S EXISTENCE HAS BEEN PROFOUNDLY ALTERED: THEIR MUSIC CAREER NOW BEGINS 20 YEARS EARLIER THAN BEFORE! THIS LIKELY IRREVOCABLE CHANGE SETS THE STAGE FOR YET ANOTHER “RECRUITMENT.”
I KNOW JOSIE JAMES QUITE WELL - WE WERE LOVERS FOR A TIME - AND I ASSURE YOU THAT SHE WASN'T THE LEAST BIT CONFUSED ABOUT HER GENDER. THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO POSSIBILITY THAT SHE WAS A WILLING CONVERT TO TARA’S TEACHINGS! I’M CONVINCED THAT SHE WAS COERCED INTO ADOPTING A “NON-BINARY” PERSONA AND SUBSEQUENTLY DENOUNCING HER OWN BISEXUALITY.
WITH HER LACKEYS IN PLACE, TARA DECIDED TO CREATE A TEAM OF “EVANGELISTS”. IN THE PROCESS OF GROOMING VANGIE CHROME, TOBY MAXX AND "JODY" JAMES FOR WHAT SHE CALLED “MISSIONARY WORK”, SHE BONDED THEM TOGETHER AS A FAMILY OF SORTS. SHE STAGE-MANAGED THE WEDDING OF TOBY TO VANGIE AND ENCOURAGED THE YOUNG COUPLE TO VIEW THE OLDER "JODY" AS A PARENTAL FIGURE. BEFORE LONG, THE THREE OF THEM BECAME TRAVELING SNAKE OIL VENDORS, PEDDLING POISONOUS GENDER IDEOLOGY.
THEIR MOST IMPORTANT MISSION TOOK THEM TO THE UNCHARTED ISLAND REFUGE OF THE ANCIENT KAUWA PEOPLE. POWERFUL VOODOO SPELLS ENABLED THEM TO ACCESS PAJARO ISLAND AND RECRUIT A PHALANX OF GERMAN SOLDIERS WHO’D BEEN MAROONED THERE SINCE 1944. VANGIE, TOBY AND "JODY" SUBJECTED THESE UNREFORMED NAZIS TO INTENSE BRAINWASHING TECHNIQUES, AFTER WHICH THEY BECAME THE SO-CALLED SOLDIERS OF MERCY - THOSE MARAUDING KIDNAPPERS THAT I REFERENCED EARLIER!
NOW I SHALL EXPLAIN TARA’S INTEREST IN THE YOUNG MAN ONCE KNOWN AS DON SEÑORITO. RECENTLY, HE ADOPTED THE NAME STORMY FOSTER, IN HONOR OF A KAUWANI ICON. LET ME STOP HERE AND UNPACK HIS COMPLICATED LINEAGE: HE WAS BORN JONAH BLOSSOM, BUT ACTUALLY IS THE SON OF FUTURE POP SUPERSTAR GARCY BRISEÑO. TARA’S LATE BROTHER, DESMOND DIAMOND FAWS, IS HIS FATHER. JONAH WAS ACCIDENTALLY CONCEIVED AS HER FIRST TIME WARP DEATH TRAP PLAYED OUT.
WHO IS McKENZIE ABSALOM?
DURING THAT EXTENDED SOJOURN BACK TO THE 1960s, TARA HYPNOTIZED JONAH’S FUTURE PARENTS AND IMPOSED FALSE IDENTITIES ON THEM. GARCY BELIEVED HERSELF TO BE VERONICA LODGE, AND DESMOND IMPERSONATED JASON BLOSSOM, ONE OF VERONICA'S ACTUAL ROMANTIC SUITORS. THIS HOAX IS NO DOUBT THE ORIGIN OF RUMORS THAT JONAH MAY BE MS. LODGE'S GRANDSON! AT ONE TIME, JONAH HIMSELF BELIEVED THOSE RUMORS.
HE MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT A LODGE. HOWEVER, THE LAD'S CONNECTION TO THE ARCHIES IS REAL. HIS MATERNAL GRANDFATHER IS THE GROUP’S LONGTIME MUSIC DIRECTOR, DILTON DOILEY BRISEÑO - BUT JONAH BLOSSOM HAS ANOTHER, FAR MORE ASTOUNDING FAMILY CONNECTION!
GARCY BRISEÑO'S MOTHER WAS GIULIA FRANCESCA BELLA DONNA - THE LATE TWIN SISTER OF DELLA NIGHTSHADE, WHO IS SABRINA'S MOTHER. SO WHILE JONAH IS OF NO RELATION TO NIRMAHL BEN ABSALOM, THE ORIGINAL STORMY FOSTER - “McKENZIE ABSALOM” IS JUST ANOTHER ONE OF HIS STAGE NAMES - HE IS A BIOLOGICAL COUSIN TO BOTH MYSELF AND SABRINA! AND BY WAY OF JONAH'S BLOODLINE, SABRINA IS RELATED TO TARA NATION FAWS, HIS AUNT ON HIS FATHER’S SIDE.
SO JONAH BLOSSOM IS THE BLOOD LINK BETWEEN A MURDERESS AND HER VICTIM - BUT IT’S MAGIC MORE THAN BLOOD THAT DRAWS TARA’S INTEREST. BOTH JONAH’S GRANDMOTHER GIULIA AND HIS MOTHER GARCY INHERITED DORMANT WICCAN POWERS. SO DID HE. WICCANS KNOW THAT WITCHCRAFT WHICH REMAINS DORMANT THROUGH THREE GENERATIONS IS IMMENSELY POTENT! IT’S LIKE A VEIN OF PURE URANIUM, AND IT CAN BE TAPPED IF YOU KNOW HOW.
TARA SENSES THIS TREMENDOUS POTENTIAL WITHIN HER NEPHEW AND IS DETERMINED TO HARNESS IT. SHE SEES RAPPER STORMY FOSTER AS THE FINAL INGREDIENT IN HER RECIPE FOR CONTINENTAL, AND EVENTUALLY, WORLD CONQUEST!
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