STORMY FOSTER RETURNS: Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN: “THE SEVENTH DAWN.” TIME + PLACE: THE YEAR 2051 @ THE CABOT ESTATE, BAJA CALIFORNIA, MÉXICO.

Just to be perfectly clear: My name is Concha Alexandra Cabot y Tresvant. My hair is chestnut brown, not Lucy Ricardo red! I’ve never had anything to do with a “Diamond Trust”, and I’ve never been the wife of a transsexual. Yes, I did marry a man who turned out to be homosexual, but I can assure you that Alan M is anything but a woman trapped in a man’s body.

So I need to explain how and why the world would believe otherwise about me. It happened right after Sabrina transported me to a mind-blowing place called The Sorcerer’s Realm. Bree had just been appointed to lead the Universal Coven of Wiccans - in other words, she was a witch queen!

We were both excited for her, but celebration wasn't the reason she brought me to another dimension. She had what I’ll call a very time-sensitive problem, and it was necessary for us to meet in a place that was beyond time!

I hadn’t seen Bree since the early 2040s. Josie + The Pussy Cats' album catalog was being reissued, and I asked her to collaborate with me on an envelope-pushing promotional campaign. Back in the early Seventies, the girls were the main attraction at a Hollywood discothèque run by Irene Bang Singapore, the famous impresario. Her club also featured male go-go dancers in Speedos. The combination of bare male flesh and an all-girl band was so popular, they were turning people away!

PROMO FOR THE DÉBUT ALBUM OF JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS, MODELED BY MARK CONSUELOS.

We reasoned that what worked back then could work now, too. We hired a bunch of hunky celebrities who were willing to strip down - one of them was Toby Maxx, sax player in the new Archies group - and filmed them for a series of go-go dance ads that we posted on Youtube. They caused a sensation, and sure enough, The Pussy Cats catalog started selling out! Bree and I always knew how to get a job done right.

It's been written that we knew each other since our teens, but that isn't true. We met as colleagues in the music industry: Sabrina was my music director when I ran the A + R department at Archie Records. Then I became an independent producer, but we kept in touch. In 2039, we pooled our resources and created the Riverdale Rock Festival. Then we joined forces to produce the Broadway musical Don't Touch My Guitar! Those were massive undertakings whose success bonded us forever. By then we shared a deeper bond, though - as practicing sorceresses! Bree and I socialized in many of the same Wiccan circles but eventually I stopped practicing Voodoo - the form of Wicca that I'm most drawn to - and no longer had reason to move in those circles.

PROMO FOR THE SOUNDTRACK OF PUSSY RIOT starring JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS, MODELED BY BENSON BOONE.

As for Carmen Serna - the reason Bree wanted to meet with me - I never met her. I knew that she was a Latin Disco singer whose time on the Pop scene had come and gone very quickly, but gazing into a witch queen's crystal ball - much larger and more powerful than the one Bree kept in her home - I saw who Carmen really was: A Voodoo high priestess and a crazed bitch who’d put Sabrina through some risky changes!

She'd attempted to kill Bree in the present day. Failing that, she then lured her into the past to try over and over again! Carmen always involved Sabrina's friends in these attacks, and the most recent one had resulted in the death of a close colleague.

Both of us had worked with Fawn Ethel Mason during the early days of Archie Records; Big Ethel was a funny, delightful lady and an immensely talented lyric writer. I'd assumed that her passing was of natural causes; learning that it wasn’t left me as enraged as it had left Bree! And when I found out how Carmen had caused the death of my beloved cat Sebastian, bringing her to justice became an even more personal goal.

PROMO FOR THE JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS ALBUM LIVE @ MAX’S KANSAS CITY, MODELED BY DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON.

Carmen’s physical body was destroyed after the first time she threatened Sabrina, but her evil spirit survived. It came to reside within the body of Tara Nation Faws, a former employee of mine. Later on, Tara worked for Sabrina at her Boston studio.

I suspected Tara of having a drug problem and kicked her ass to the curb, but Bree made the mistake of giving her the benefit of the doubt! After getting fired a second time, Tara was apparently foolish enough to hook up with Carmen. For her trouble, she got turned into a zombie - still alive, but with no mind left at all. Carmen began using her like a puppeteer uses a marionette!

From the witch queen’s crystal, we learned of Carmen’s impending plan to kidnap me, drag me back to the 1950s and steal my identity. This time, my brother Alex, my friend Albert, Josie + The Pussy Cats and Josie’s son Gregory would all be caught up in her plot! Bree and I discussed what to do. Those discussions soon included Bree's cousin Ambrose, who is a very powerful sorcerer.

PROMO FOR THE ALBUM THE BEST OF JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS, MODELED BY KEVIN HART.

We decided to let the kidnapping take place. Bree and Rosie warned me that it was likely to be a harrowing experience, and it certainly was; Carmen's Realm of Living Death was like the worst horror movie you've ever seen! But I was only her prisoner for a brief period of time, and the two of them were secretly watching over me all the while. Even if they hadn't been, I was never in danger of turning into what Tara Nation Faws became. I am still a Voodoo priestess!

The vows that I took years ago can never be renounced, and the anointing ceremony that I took part in protects me from zombification. Carmen craved my power and money so much that she tried to zombify me anyway; the bitch figured on keeping me prisoner until she could figure out how to overcome my safeguards.

Her efforts were doomed to fail, but we weren't taking any chances! Ambrose reinforced my resistance to her hexes and frustrated her attempts to drug and hypnotize me. When he successfully feigned my death during a very dangerous ritual, she gave up trying to do the impossible. Carmen's spirit was never able to occupy my mind - in order to impersonate me, she had to fall back on her powers of illusion.

It was important to Sabrina that everybody drawn into what she swore would be Carmen's final scheme was protected from harm. As the longtime mentor of Josie + The Pussy Cats, I felt that I was best positioned to watch out for the group - so that became my responsibility. She arranged for me to assume the guise of pop impresario Dagmar Diamond, in which capacity I stayed close to them. The real Dagmar was a witch and is now a Wiccan elder who resides in the upper chambers of The Sorcerer's Realm. BTW, she is of no relation to Posner “Lucky” Diamond, the movie director Carmen married while masquerading as me.

It was fun passing myself off as the kind of flamboyant and eccentric woman that Dagmar was; but who knew I'd be assuming that guise off and on for nearly three decades? I did know that in order to be successful, our scenario would have to play out over several years. The entire time, I had Val, Melly, Josie (or “Jody” as she began calling herself), Foxie, Gregory and my brother Alex completely fooled! They never once suspected who I really was; but it was really hard, having to stand by and watch Carmen do and say outrageous things in my name.

It was always part of our plan that at some point, she would believe Sabrina to be dead. Once that happened, the bitch would need a new focus for her evil ambitions! Predictably, she decided to rule the world; and although I hate to admit it, using that idiotic discipline called gender ideology as her means of doing so was a stroke of genius.

No Voodoo hex is strong enough to bring the whole world under her control, so she reasoned: Why not use drugs instead? Hormones laced with a potion that slowly transformed her followers into zombies! She could enslave billions of people by making them dependent for life on so-called gender medicine. "Alexandra Diamond" had been based in England, but she moved to Italy in order to centralize the gender cult she founded on the European continent.

Not for nothing - I love Europe and its people. I have deep roots all over that continent. All the same, I was appalled at how many otherwise sane human beings let themselves fall for such a crock: Sex "assigned at birth"? Male and female souls? Gender "euphoria”? Transwomen, breastfeeding and menstruating? “Pregnant men?” Give me a fucking break, already - what have they been smoking? Fortunately, there was significant pushback, and one of the main dissidents was a talented and charismatic young Italian rapper. I thought Stormy Foster was from Italy, but he’s actually American-born.

STORMY FOSTER’S RECORDING SESSION LOG FOR THE YEAR 1992.

His Rap songs eviscerated radical gender doctrine and held it up to ridicule. He delivered rapid-fire lyrics with humor, style, grace, precision and explosive power; his flow was as tight as any of the best rappers you can name from that era: LL Cool J, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick, Biz Markie! And it had to be tight, because in a genre as deeply homophobic as Hip-Hop was back then, an openly Gay rap star couldn’t be anything less than exceptional.

Stormy’s time in the spotlight was brief, but for a couple of years his name, face and rhyming skill took Europe, well, by storm! He even acted in a few movies. Baby boy was photogenic; both a dancer and choreographer (he adapted Hawaiian hula for Hip-Hop staging, which was really something to see); as articulate offstage as he was on; and so daring with his music samples and subject matter that he had no peers.

STORMY FOSTER, CO-STARRING IN 1992 THE MOVIE ALOMA.

Then there was that sexy, torso-baring costume he performed in. The sight of it drove his fans wild! I'm told that it was a facsimile of a costume worn by an early Gay rights icon from Hawaii. I’ve always believed that Pop stars should look like superheroes when they take the stage, and Stormy Foster certainly did.

In the late 1980s and early ‘90s, he beat the odds and found stardom performing Gay Liberation Rap music. Even more impressive, he did that during the height of AIDS hysteria, and by all accounts, his unlikely success drove the fake Alexandra even more batshit crazy than she already was! For reasons obvious and not so obvious - I will leave Rosie Nixon to share the particulars with you - he needed protection from her murderous wrath. In Sabrina’s absence, the person who stepped forward to act as his protector was her mother.

Ms. Della was privy to some of what we were doing RE Carmen Serna, but Bree didn't share everything with her. She knew full well that the former Head Witch would disapprove of our potentially deadly interactions with her. When she learned of them after the fact, you'd best believe the lady was pissed! She let Rosie and I know in no uncertain terms.

"Santa merda! The three of you are as useless in this crisis as open umbrellas in a hurricane," she fumed. "From the outset, I should have been involved in every aspect of your plans. Don't you realize what you're dealing with, and how high the stakes are? Without me and the powers inherent in the Wiccan High Council, you don't stand a chance of subduing that insane Voodoo woman."

I'd never met Della Nightshade before, but I was immediately attracted to her regality, the aura of authority she projects, and the steely confidence with which she approaches everything she does. She's so much like me - just the kind of woman you’d want protecting you. And also like me, she assumed a false identity in order to facilitate the role of guardian. A plum opportunity opened up when Josie abandoned her group to become a stooge for Carmen!

The Pussy Cats couldn’t get bookings as a duo, so a replacement was needed. Sabrina’s musical talent is a family trait passed down from her mother; Ms. Della happens to be a kick-ass singer and guitarist! She auditioned for the open spot in the band and aced it. As a performer, she adopted the stage name “Julie Bonaventura” - her late sister's name was Julie, and Bonaventura is her married surname. Neither she nor Sabrina ever used it.

Then she convinced my brother Alex, who was now manager of The Pussy Cats, that hooking up with a hot new rapper would be a great way to modernize their brand. The most obvious choice was Stormy Foster - unlike most rappers, he used a full band onstage instead of just a deejay playing tracks; but he needed a better band than the one he had. They sucked ass!

"Dagmar" knew Stormy’s manager Albert Fox - my "gal pal", who used to manage the group - and I started promoting the idea to him. Neither me nor Ms. Della take no for an answer when we want something, so Alex and Foxie soon came to an agreement. Stormy kicked his lackluster musicians to the curb, joined forces with The Pussy Cats, they went out on tour and audiences fucking ate them up. It was yet another winning combination, this time engineered by Sabrina's mother and me.

STORMY FOSTER JOINS FORCES w/JULIE + THE PUSSY CATS!

Ms. Della bonded with Stormy immediately, who gave her the professional name “Julie B.” She was the experienced musical mentor - he nicknamed her "Jewels" - and he was the eager-to-learn protégé. Seeing them together, you’d swear that they’d known each other for years. Their closeness immediately paid off when Ms. Della detected an anomaly in his spiritual aura. She discovered that Carmen had already cast a zombification spell on him! Using her superior knowledge of Wicca, she was able to reverse it.

But she wasn't the only protector he had. I later learned about an unseen guardian, detectable only by the aroma of sandlewood - a scent that for some reason Carmen was unable to smell. Who or whatever this invisible guardian was, it had been dispatched by a mysterious group of Wiccans based in the Hawaiian islands. Again, I'll defer to Rosie; he knows more about them than I do. Sabrina's stepmothers, the Witches Leslie, were also close at hand. At Ms. Della’s request, they disguised themselves as members of Stormy’s crew.

The European tour of Stormy Foster w/Julie + The Pussy Cats happened nearly three decades after Sabrina willingly sacrificed herself. It was the most daring part of our plan: Bree let Carmen Serna destroy her corporeal form! Then, inside Carmen's hideous sanctum, their spirits did battle and the bitch was made to think that she won that fight! Rosie claims that she actually did triumph over Sabrina, but I don't believe it. He’ll never convince me!

But whatever the case, Bree's spirit joined that of Carmen inside the barren mind of her zombie host, Tara Nation Faws. Bree sought to neutralize Carmen's twisted influence, but instead she became trapped - it was all she could do to suppress her more murderous impulses. Carmen in turn was forced to suppress Bree’s awesome Wiccan energy, which was too powerful for her to control. Their spiritual battle was over - now they were fighting a spiritual war.

Sabrina knew going in that imprisonment in Tara's mind was a possibility! What made it a risk worth taking was that her own physical demise would stop Carmen from using others as proxy targets. There’d be no more setting death traps in the distant past for her friends - but what a terrible price she paid in order to protect us. Bree found herself locked in a struggle with her immortal enemy that might never end!

Only it did end, suddenly, and not according to our plans. The Wiccan High Council met and unanimously declared Carmen Serna a threat to humanity. That's essentially a death sentence, and they passed a resolution to neutralize her by any means necessary! Sentence would be carried out by the Seventh Dawn - specifically, the date of February 2nd, 1991, also known as Candlemas.

The survival of Bree's soul didn't figure into that decision - if they assassinated Carmen, she would also die! Now Sabrina was the one in need of protection, and if we were going to rescue her, we had to act fast.

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