Starring REGGIE MANTLE: THE BIG HURT (Chapter Three)
SABRINA THE SORCERESS:
TIME IS LIKE A ROOM WITH A SERIES OF LOCKED DOORS. UNLOCK ONE OF THEM, AND YOUR CHILDHOOD IS LAID OUT BEFORE YOU. UNLOCK ANOTHER, AND EXPERIENCE THE ANGUISH OF ADOLESCENCE! THE NEXT OPEN DOOR PRESENTS THE CHALLENGES OF EARLY ADULTHOOD. STRESSES OF MIDDLE AND OLD AGE AWAIT YOU BEHIND SUBSEQUENT PORTALS; AND THEN THERE’S THE VERY LAST ONE. “THE LADY OR THE TIGER?” DO YOU DARE UNLOCK THAT DOOR? REGGIE MANTLE DARED, AND WHAT HE FOUND WAS . . .
THE BIG HURT
A SEQUEL TO “THE FREAKING OUT
OF GERALDINE GRUNDY”
CHAPTER THREE:
“CUATRO GATOS”
THE TIME: AUGUST 1914
THE PLACE: BERLIN, GERMANY
THE NARRATOR: EL NINJA
THE MANAGERS OF THAT BEER GARDEN IN WIESBADEN PAIRED ME WITH SEVERAL FEMALE DANCE PARTNERS. ONE OF THE WOMEN WAS VERY GOOD @ DOING THE TANGO. AFTER TWO MONTHS, WE SPLIT OFF FROM THE DANCE TROUPE AND PUT TOGETHER A DUO. AS DIE TANGO-KINDER, WE GOT POPULAR PERFORMING ON THE MUSIC HALL CIRCUIT. I HOPED THAT OUR ACT MIGHT BE MY TICKET TO STARDOM; THAT IS, UNTIL EARLY AUGUST OF 1914! THAT’S WHEN GERMAN AGGRESSION AGAINST RUSSIA AND FRANCE STARTED, GREAT BRITAIN CAME TO THEIR AID, AND WORLD WAR I BROKE OUT IN EUROPE.
SUDDENLY, NATIONALISM WAS ALL ANYONE GERMAN WANTED TO TALK ABOUT! DISDAIN FOR FOREIGNERS WAS ALWAYS A REALITY FOR IMMIGRANTS IN BERLIN, BUT IT INTENSIFIED DURING THE WAR; NATIONALIST BERLINERS ESPECIALLY HATED SCHWARZEN (DARK SKINS)!
TERRIFIED OF BEING FOUND OUT, I STARTED WEARING BROAD-BRIMMED HATS TO AVOID SUN-TANNING. EVEN THEN, I JUST DIDN’T FEEL SAFE IN GERMANY ANYMORE. I WANTED TO LEAVE BUT MY PARTNER DIDN’T, SO WE BROKE UP. I'D KEPT IN TOUCH WITH MAESTRO CÓRTEZ QUINTANILLA AND HE SUGGESTED THAT I EMIGRATE TO SPAIN, WHICH WAS HIS FATHER'S ANCESTRAL HOME.
MY OWN FATHER WAS PART MEXICAN, AND HE TAUGHT ME A BIT OF SPANISH; BUT CATALONIAN AND THE OTHER SPANISH DIALECTS PROVED TOUGH TO LEARN! IT WAS A REAL STRUGGLE TRYING TO GET A FOOTHOLD IN SPAIN, BUT ENCOURAGEMENT CAME BY WAY OF DREAMS. WEARING A SNOW-WHITE HABIT, SISTER ISABELLE APPEARED TO ME IN MY SLEEP! THAT BEAUTIFUL ANGEL URGED ME NOT TO GIVE UP, AND I DIDN'T. I FINALLY HIRED ON @ A DANCE SCHOOL, BECOMING A TANGO TEACHER. THE MONEY WASN'T BAD; MY STUDENTS CAME MOSTLY FROM THE UPPER CLASSES, BUT A FEW WERE FROM THE DEMIMONDE.
ONE OF THE LEAST TALENTED WAS A CORTESANA (PROSTITUTE) NAMED CARMEN SERNA. SHE KEPT STILETTO BLADES HIDDEN IN HER HAIR, AND FOR THAT SHE WAS KNOWN AS LA CUCHILLA! THAT WOMAN COULD THROW KNIVES WITH DEADLY ACCURACY, BUT SHE COULDN’T DANCE TO SAVE HER LIFE! @ FIRST, I TRIED TO PASS CARMEN OFF TO ANOTHER TEACHER, BUT SHE INSISTED ON ME BEING HER INSTRUCTOR; SO I WORKED OUT A SERIES OF POSES TO CAMOUFLAGE HER COMPLETE LACK OF DANCE SKILLS.
I KNEW THAT LA CUCHILLA WAS HOT-TEMPERED AND POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS, BUT SHE WAS ALSO BEAUTIFUL. SHE AND I BECAME FRIENDS AND, OCCASIONALLY, LOVERS! WITH HER AMPLE PHYSICAL CHARMS, CARMEN LURED ME INTO GOING ON STAGE WITH HER AS A PROFESSIONAL DANCE DUO.
DANCES WITH LA CUCHILLA!
WE FIRST DANCED TOGETHER FOR AN AUDIENCE @ A PARTY THROWN BY ONE OF HER WELL-TO-DO “JOHNS”. SOON, THANKS TO WORD-OF-MOUTH, WE WERE APPEARING @ SIMILAR PRIVATE AFFAIRS ALL OVER BARCELONA. IT WAS LUCRATIVE WORK, BUT WE WEREN’T GETTING HIRED FOR OUR DANCING! @ THE END OF THE EVENING, CARMEN + I WERE ALWAYS SOLD OFF TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER FOR SEXUAL SERVICES - SOMETIMES SEPARATELY AND SOMETIMES TOGETHER.
WE WERE EVEN ENCOURAGED TO SEXUALIZE OUR ROUTINES SO THAT OUR CLIENTELE WOULD KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED WHAT THESE GIGS TURNED INTO; I KNEW WHAT CARMEN DID FOR A LIVING! OF COURSE, SELLING MY BODY WAS NOTHING NEW - I'D DONE IT OFF AND ON SINCE I ESCAPED FROM INDIAN SCHOOL IN OKLAHOMA - BUT DOING SO IN THAT WAY DISGUSTED ME. THE MONEY DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING; I WANTED WORK AS A DANCER!
FINALLY, ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH: I TOLD CARMEN I WAS ALL DONE WITH BEING A DANCING RENT BOY. I COULDN’T STAND FOR ANOTHER OLD WOMAN (OR MAN) TO SLOBBER OVER ME! I WAS EAGER TO BREAK FREE FROM HER CLUTCHES, TOO; EVEN THOUGH I NEVER LED CARMEN TO BELIEVE THAT I LOVED HER, SHE’D BEGUN TO THINK OTHERWISE.
LA CUCHILLA WAS BECOMING POSSESSIVE AND JEALOUS OF ANY PRETTY GIRL I SLEPT WITH! SHE EVEN THREATENED TO KNIFE ONE OF THEM. I KNEW HER TEMPER WAS VOLATILE BUT I WASN’T PREPARED FOR HER REACTION: WHEN I TOLD HER MY DECISON, SHE FLEW INTO A FLAMING RAGE!
“YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT TEACHING TANGO IF YOU QUIT ME,” SHE WARNED. “I CAN BLACKBALL YOU, CABRÓN! I’VE FUCKED MANY OF BARCELONA’S RICHEST MEN, AND I’VE GOT THEM WRAPPED AROUND MY LITTLE FINGER. I CAN PERSUADE THOSE RABOS VERDES (HORNY BASTARDS) TO DO ANYTHING I WANT!” I TOLD CARMEN TO DO HER WORST AND TURNED TO GO. SUDDENLY, A STILETTO WHIZZED BY MY HEAD AND LODGED IN THE DOOR FRAME! LA CUCHILLA DIDN’T COME BY HER NICKNAME BY CHANCE!
FEARING FOR MY LIFE, I RAN OUT OF HER APARTMENT BUILDING AND DOWN THE STREET. FOR PART OF MY FLIGHT, SHE WAS HOT ON MY HEELS, SCREAMING AND CURSING: “I WILL SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROAT! TONIGHT YOUR BLOOD WILL RUN IN THE GUTTERS!” I DIDN’T THINK I WOULD EVER SHAKE HER OFF, BUT I FINALLY DID!
RETURNING TO MY RENTED ROOM BY A CIRCULAR ROUTE, I FELL EXHAUSTED ON MY BED. MY HEART WAS BEATING A MILE-A-MINUTE! ALL THE SAME, I FELT A THAT HUGE WEIGHT HAD LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS. GETTING MIXED UP WITH AN UNPREDICTABLE WOMAN LIKE THAT HAD BEEN A BAD IDEA; BREAKING UP WAS WELL WORTH WHATEVER CONSEQUENCES I MIGHT SUFFER.
I SUFFERED THEM SOON ENOUGH: CARMEN MADE GOOD ON HER THREAT TO DISPARAGE ME TO HER CLIENTELE! MY ROSTER OF PRIVATE TANGO STUDENTS DWINDLED AWAY TO ALMOST NOTHING. THOUGH I TRIED HARD, I COULDN'T ENGAGE ANY NEW STUDENTS, EITHER! A FEW WEEKS LATER, THE DANCE SCHOOL FIRED ME.
I STARTED AUDITIONING AGAIN, BUT OPPORTUNITIES TO PRESENT MYSELF AS A LEGITIMATE DANCER IN SPAIN WERE FEW AND FAR-BETWEEN. THERE WAS LOTS OF STIFF COMPETITION! I BECAME VERY DEPRESSED DURING THIS TIME BUT AGAIN, SISTER ISABELLE’S PRESENCE SWEETENED MY DREAMS!
I HEARD HER SOFT, SOOTHING VOICE URGING ME TO STAY THE COURSE. SHE SEEMED TO SAY THAT ANOTHER DANCE COLLABORATION LAY IN MY FUTURE: ONE THAT WOULD BE BOTH JOYFUL AND BLESSED WITH SUCCESS! SO I SOUGHT OUT POPULAR DANCE VENUES, HOPING AND PRAYING THAT I'D FIND AN OPPORTUNITY TO JUMP INTO THE SPOTLIGHT AND SHOW WHAT I COULD DO.
THE HOTTEST CABARET IN BARCELONA WAS CALLED CUATRO GATOS. IT WAS LARGER THAN AVERAGE, AS BIG AS A CHURCH! AND ITS HABITUÉS WERE AS DEVOTED AS PARISHIONERS WOULD’VE BEEN. EVERY WEEKEND, I WOULD ATTEND THE FLOOR SHOW; IT WAS FABULOSO! JUST LIKE A MINIATURE CIRCUS, BUT FOR ADULTS ONLY: THERE WERE TOPLESS GIRLS, ACROBATIC DANCERS, KNIFE-THROWERS, JUGGLERS, CLOWNS, TORCH SINGERS, AND EVEN A DANCING BEAR! ALSO, HOT DIXIELAND JAZZ, SOMETHING BRAND NEW IMPORTED FROM THE UNITED STATES.
I VERY MUCH WANTED TO DANCE THERE, BUT I COULDN’T EVEN GET AN AUDITION! THE IMPRESARIO WAS AN ARROGANT FRENCHMAN KNOWN AS “HORNYTOAD”. IT WAS AN AMERICAN NICKNAME, AND BACK THEN THOSE WERE POPULAR AMONG EUROPEAN SHOW PEOPLE. EVERYBODY CALLED HIM THAT OR MONSIEUR - NOBODY KNEW HIS REAL NAME.
HIS STAR ATTRACTION @ CUATROS GATOS, @ LEAST IN MY MIND, WERE SHARMANTE: A QUARTET OF GYPSY ENTERTAINERS WITH THREE ROTATING SINGERS - GARCY BRISEÑO, MALACHI HIPP, AND PRIMARY LEAD VOCALIST DONNA DANTE. THEY HAD A MAJESTIC PRESENCE ABOUT THEM, AND THEY CAPTIVATED PATRONS WITH PERFORMANCES THAT WERE EQUALLY STYLISH, MELODIC AND PERCUSSIVE.
THEIR SOUND WAS AN EXCITING BLEND OF GYPSY FLAMENCO WITH AFRICAN FOLK MUSIC AND AMERICAN BLUES. I’D NEVER SEEN DANCERS BRING SUCH STYLE AND PRECISION TO THEIR STEPS, AND I’D NEVER HEARD ANYTHING LIKE THE ORIGINAL SONGS THAT DONNA WROTE WITH HER HUSBAND AND DANCE PARTNER, RAM SHARMA.
SHARMANTE PERFORMS
¡FLAMENCO BIEN SABROSO!
A HALF-PUNJABI/HALF-NIGERIAN IMMIGRANT FROM SOUTH AFRICA, RAM WAS THE GROUP’S LEADER AND THE ONLY NON-GYPSY MEMBER (ALTHOUGH HE ONLY SHARED THAT INFORMATION WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE). THE MORE I LISTENED TO HIS MUSIC, THE MORE I LONGED TO SING IT MYSELF! IT WAS THE MISSING INGREDIENT THAT I NEEDED TO MAKE MY PERFORMANCES STAND OUT.
RAM SHARMA WAS NOT EASY TO APPROACH, BUT I EVENTUALLY CORNERED HIM AND ASKED IF HE WOULD CREATE SOME SONGS JUST FOR ME. @ FIRST, HE LAUGHED ME OFF, BUT I KEPT AFTER HIM. FINALLY, HE PROPOSED AN EXCHANGE: “BUENO, AMIGO. I WILL GIVE YOU A SONG IF YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT I WANT!” WHAT DID HE WANT? “UN POQUITO DE TU NALGA, MIJO.” A PIECE OF MY ASS!
FUCKING IN ORDER TO GET AHEAD: MUCH TO MY ANNOYANCE, THAT HAD BECOME A RECURRING THEME IN MY LIFE! BUT I WON’T LIE TO YOU: BY THEN, I WAS A RANK OPPORTUNIST. MAYBE I DIDN’T LIKE USING SEX TO ADVANCE MY CAREER, BUT I NEVER SWORE IT OFF. WHENEVER A PRIZE RACING CABALLO PRESENTED ITSELF TO ME, THIS CABALLERO WAS ALWAYS READY TO RIDE!
“OPEN MARRIAGE” WAS SOMETHING THAT EUROPEANS PRACTICED LONG BEFORE IT WAS FASHIONABLE IN THE UNITED STATES. BOTH DONNA DANTE + RAM SHARMA TOOK LOVERS ON THE SIDE, AND RAM LIKED BOTH WOMEN AND MEN. SO DO I, BUT OTHER THAN A HANDFUL OF WILLING HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTERS IN GERMANY - I FOUND LOTS OF MAN-LOVING MEN THERE - I WASN’T VERY EXPERIENCED WITH WHAT THE SPANISH CALL CHIQUITIANDO.
ALL THE SAME, I THINK I HANDLED THE TASK WELL. WORKING AS A RENT BOY HAD GIVEN ME PLENTY OF PRACTICE, AND RAM DEFINITELY APPRECIATED WHAT I HAD TO OFFER! MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE I OFFERED HIM MORE THAN JUST MY NALGA: EVEN WHILE I SATISFIED HIS LUST, I MADE SURE THAT HE KNEW I COULD BE A GOOD VEHICLE FOR HIS SONGS. ÓYEME . . . I WOULD SING TO HIM IN BED!
SEVERAL SWEATY ENCOUNTERS LATER, RAM SHARMA WROTE A SONG FOR ME WITH HIS WIFE CALLED “CONSERJE (HANDY MAN).” I SANG IT SO WELL THAT THEY GAVE ME MORE! THEY ALSO COACHED ME IN THEIR UNIQUE STYLE OF DANCING. RAM SUPPORTED MY AMBITIONS, AND I’M SURE IT WASN’T BECAUSE OF OUR BEDROOM ACTIVITIES; HE SAW THAT I HAD REAL TALENT, AND SO DID DONNA!
I URGED THEM TO SET UP AN AUDITION FOR ME WITH THE VERY RETICENT HORNYTOAD, AND @ LONG LAST I MET WITH HIM. DONNA DANTE WAS THERE WHEN I PERFORMED “HANDY MAN”, “MUÉSTRAME (SHOW ME)” AND “¿BAILARAS (DO YOU WANNA DANCE)?” IN HIS UPSTAIRS OFFICE.
I SANG AND ALSO DANCED - RAM HAD HELPED ME HONE A COMPLICATED FLAMENCO ROUTINE - AND I COULD TELL THAT MONSIEUR WAS IMPRESSED. STILL, HE CLAIMED THAT HE HAD ENOUGH PEOPLE ON HIS PAYROLL AND DIDN’T WANT ANY MORE. THAT’S WHEN DONNA DANTE INTERVENED.
“UN MOMENTO, MONSIEUR,” SHE SAID. “YOU NEED SOMEONE TO DANCE WITH NEGROSO, N’EST-CE PAS?” NEGROSO WAS HORNYTOAD’S TRAINED DANCING BEAR. “YOU ASKED ME TO DO IT, BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I LET THAT BEAST COME NEAR ME! WHAT ABOUT FONSECA HERE? YOU CAN DO IT, QUE NO, RICO? CLARO QUE SÍ. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HIM A CHANCE?”
IT WASN’T WHAT I’D HAVE PREFERRED, BUT I LEAPT THROUGH THE DOOR THAT DONNA OPENED FOR ME! CHEROKEES VIEW WILD ANIMALS AS THEIR NEIGHBORS; I RESPECTED NEGROSO BUT DIDN’T FEAR HIM. WE ACTUALLY WORKED WELL TOGETHER AND BECAME A FEATURED ATTRACTION. HOWEVER, AS A CONDITION OF WORKING WITH THE BEAR, I EXTRACTED FROM HORNYTOAD THE PROMISE TO GIVE ME OCCASIONAL SOLO APPEARANCES!
FONSECA AND NEGROSO THE BEAR
GO INTO THEIR DANCE.
FOR THOSE SHOWCASES, I WAS BACKED BY SHARMANTE. WE MADE A BIG IMPRESSION ON AUDIENCES! OUR SPECIALTY WAS THIS NUMBER CALLED “ROMPIENDO (BREAK UP)”, A SONG I PERFORMED TO AN EXCITING CIRCLE DANCE. @ ITS CLIMAX, GARCY + DONNA WOULD RUN UP FROM BEHIND, KNOCK ME TO THE FLOOR AND RIP MY SHIRT OFF. THE CROWD ATE US UP EVERY SINGLE TIME!
EVEN A STUBBORN MAN LIKE HORNYTOAD COULD SEE THAT A HOT NEW ACT HAD BEEN BORN. BEFORE LONG, HE KNEW THAT HE NEEDED TO GET SOMEBODY ELSE FOR THE DANCING BEAR SEGMENT! AND THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED AFTER I’D BEEN PERFORMING @ CUATRO GATOS FOR SIX MONTHS.
I WON’T PRETEND THAT ALL THE MEMBERS OF SHARMANTE WERE THRILLED TO SHARE A STAGE WITH ME. MALACHI HIPP AND GARCY BRISEÑO WERE ACTUALLY QUITE UPSET ABOUT IT! ESPECIALLY MAL, THE RED-HEADED GYPSY. “I’M A MUCH BETTER SINGER THAN HE IS,” HE FUMED. “WHY PUT THE SPOTLIGHT ON HIM? WHY NOT ME?”
HOWEVER, RAM SHARMA LED THE GROUP WITH A STRONG HAND, AND THEY DID WHAT HE WANTED. EVEN THOUGH MY FLING WITH HIM EVOLVED INTO SOMETHING THAT WAS ON-AGAIN-OFF-AGAIN, RAM REMAINED FIRMLY IN MY CORNER; HE EVEN LET DONNA AND I SING DUETS. I FELT LIKE I’D HITCHED A RIDE ON A STAR; MY DREAMS WERE FINALLY COMING TRUE!
RIGHT AFTER I BECAME A HEADLINER @ CUATRO GATOS, SISTER ISABELLE APPEARED TO ME IN A NEW DREAM. SHE TOLD ME THAT MY LITTLE BROTHER DANTE HAD RUN AWAY FROM THE INDIAN SCHOOL @ ANADARKO AND WAS STRUGGLING TO SURVIVE! SHE ALSO REVEALED WHERE HE WAS: IN NEW YORK CITY, WHERE HE’D GONE TO LOOK FOR ME. NEVER ONCE DID I DOUBT THE VERACITY OF THIS VISION.
I STILL HAD FRIENDS IN NEW YORK, AND I WROTE TO THEM: “HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROTHER? CAN YOU FIND HIM FOR ME?” THEY HAD AND THEY DID, AND TWO MONTHS LATER THEY PUT US IN TOUCH. I WAS OVERJOYED!
@ LAST, WE COULD BE REUNITED. I IMMEDIATELY SENT DANTE MONEY AND A ONE-WAY TICKET TO BARCELONA. IT SEEMED THAT YEARS PASSED BEFORE I FINALLY MET HIS BOAT @ PORT VELL. WE CRIED AND HUGGED EACH OTHER FOR THE LONGEST TIME! I URGED HIM TO SMILE, BECAUSE THE HARD TIMES WERE FINALLY OVER. “I’M GOING TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU, CONEJO,” I ASSURED HIM; BUT RIDING BACK INTO THE CITY, I SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT HIS PRESENCE COULD CAUSE A PROBLEM FOR ME.
DANTE WAS SO VERY DARK-SKINNED, THERE WAS JUST NO WAY HE COULD EVER PASS FOR WHITE! COULD I RISK HAVING IT KNOWN THAT HE WAS MY BROTHER? NO . . . ¡JAMAS! I WASN’T ABOUT TO THREATEN THE SUCCESS I’D JUST ACHIEVED.
THERE WAS NO LEGAL SEGREGATION IN EUROPE, BUT THAT DIDN’T MEAN STEREOTYPING AND RACIAL HOSTILITY DIDN’T PUT LIMITS ON PEOPLE OF COLOR. IF YOU WERE AMBITIOUS, LIKE ALL OF US @ CUATRO GATOS WERE, YOU OPTED NOT TO PUBLICIZE YOUR DIFFERENCE; IT WAS THE SAFEST THING TO DO, AND BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!
I INSISTED THAT DANTE PRETEND TO BE MY VALET. QUITE UNDERSTANDABLY, HE WASN’T HAPPY! SHARMANTE DIDN’T LIKE IT EITHER WHEN I CONFIDED IN THEM. RAM SHARMA ACCUSED ME OF BEING ASHAMED OF MY CHEROKEE BLOOD, BUT WHO WAS HE TO TALK? HE KEPT HIS HALF-BREED BACKGROUND UNDER COVER AND LET PEOPLE THINK THAT HE WAS A DARKER-SKINNED GYPSY. @ ANY RATE, THE GROUP PROMISED TO KEEP MY SECRET AND THAT PROMISE WAS KEPT . . . FOR A WHILE.
END OF CHAPTER THREE
"LA GROSSE BITE"
