Starring REGGIE MANTLE: THE BIG HURT (Chapter Four)
SABRINA THE SORCERESS:
EXCITING TABLAOS FLAMENCO, SPINNING FIERY VOCALS AND RHYTHM AGAINST THE BACKDROP OF WORLD WAR I! THEY FORM PART OF THE UNCONSCIOUS MEMORIES OF REGGIE MANTLE - A MAN WHO WAS BORN FIFTY YEARS LATER! WHAT IS THE TRUTH BEHIND THIS ANOMALY? WHO IS THE SPANISH DANCER KNOWN AS "EL NINJA"? AND WHEN HIS TRUE IDENTITY IS REVEALED, HOW WILL IT BE POSSIBLE FOR REGGIE TO AVOID . . .
A SEQUEL TO “THE FREAKING OUT
OF GERALDINE GRUNDY”
CHAPTER FOUR:
“LA GROSSE BITE”
THE TIME: AUGUST 1915
THE PLACE: BARCELONA, SPAIN
THE NARRATOR: EL NINJA
IN AUGUST OF 1915, I LEARNED THAT I WASN’T THE ONLY SINGER WHO HAD BENEFITED FROM SHARMANTE’S LARGESSE. THERE’D BEEN A HANDFUL OF OTHER MEN, SOME OF WHOM HAD BEEN LOVERS OF DONNA DANTE; THEY HAD ALSO EXCHANGED SEX FOR SONGS! HOWEVER, NONE OF THEM HAD THE TALENT TO MAKE MUCH OF AN IMPRESSION; NONE EXCEPT FOR ME AND ONE OTHER PERFORMER: A MAN NAMED TOBIAS MAXWELL.
KNOWN PROFESSIONALLY AS TOBY MAXX, HE WAS A FORMER WRESTLER LIKE I WAS. IN FACT, I RECALLED CROSSING PATHS WITH HIM IN GERMANY, ALTHOUGH WE NEVER HAD A BOUT. @ THAT TIME, HE’D WORN A MASK IN THE RING SO I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE. TOBY PRECEDED ME TO SPAIN AND WAS NOW HOLDING FORTH @ A SEEDY CLUB IN LA CALLE MONTERA; THAT WAS WHAT YOU’D CALL THE “TENDERLOIN” DISTRICT OF BARCELONA.
TOBY WAS ANOTHER ONE OF RAM’S EX-LOVERS, BUT GARCY BRISEÑO HAD DEVELOPED A YEN FOR HIM. “SÍ, HE’S MY NOVIO,” SHE TOLD ME, “AND HE’S VERY GOOD. MAYBE BETTER THAN YOU! DO YOU DOUBT ME? BUENO. LET’S GO SEE HIS ACT TOMORROW NIGHT.” DANTE AND I ACCOMPANIED GARCY TO A PLACE WITH THE SHOCKING NAME OF LA GROSSE BITE (IT MEANS “BIG PENIS” IN FRENCH)!
SHE DIDN’T LIE ABOUT TOBY MAXX. THE MAN WAS MORE THAN VERY GOOD; I FOUND HIM MESMERIZING! EVEN THOUGH HE WAS PERFORMING AN APACHE DANCE WITH SOMEONE I WAS MOST UNHAPPY TO SEE AGAIN: LA CUCHILLA! MY OLD DANCE PARTNER CARMEN SERNA! BUT SOON I BARELY NOTICED HER, BECAUSE TOBY’S PRESENCE WAS SO DOMINANT: SHIRTLESS, WITH BLUE EYES FLASHING, MUSCLES RIPPLING AND LONG BLOND HAIR WHIPPING BACK AND FORTH, HE WAS AS LITHE AS A PANTHER WHEN HE DANCED!
BUT THEN HE SANG. TOBY BELTED OUT A TANGO NUMBER CALLED “ELLA (SHE)” THAT I IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZED AS A SHARMANTE TUNE. THE ANGER IN THE LYRICS MATCHED THE FURY WITH WHICH HE FLUNG CARMEN ACROSS THE FLOOR! I TOOK NOTICE OF HIS UNUSUAL TENOR VOICE: SMOOTH AND SHARP-EDGED @ THE SAME TIME. IT WAS AN ANDROGYNOUS VOICE, NOT WHAT YOU’D EXPECT FROM SOMEONE WHO LOOKED SO VIRILE AND MASCULINE.
CARMEN RECOGNIZED ME, OF COURSE, AND AFTER THEIR PERFORMANCE SHE SAUNTERED OVER TO SAY SOMETHING. NERVOUSLY, I BACKED AWAY. I DIDN’T WANT HER NEAR ME AFTER WHAT HAD HAPPENED THE LAST TIME WE MET! AND @ THAT POINT, NOBODY WAS GOING TO DISTRACT MY ATTENTION WHEN I WANTED SO BADLY TO MEET TOBY MAXX.
MY HEART POUNDED AS GARCY BRISEÑO LED DANTE AND I UPSTAIRS TO HIS DRESSING ROOM AND INTRODUCED US. TOWELING THE SWEAT OFF OF HIS MAGNIFICENT BODY, HE GRINNED AND INVITED US TO SIT DOWN. HIS SMILE WAS LIKE THE SUN COMING FROM BEHIND A BANK OF CLOUDS. I WAS SMITTEN!
TOBY MAXX AND LA CUCHILLA
DO THEIR APACHE ROUTINE.
AND I BLUSHED WITH PLEASURE WHEN HE SAID HE’D HEARD GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY ACT @ CUATRO GATOS. TOBY WANTED TO SEE ME PERFORM IN PERSON AND ASKED IF I WOULD GIVE HIM A PREVIEW. WE ALL WENT OUT BEHIND THE BISTRO; FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE, I SAW CARMEN TRAILING BEHIND. GARCY + I BEGAN SINGING THE RAM SHARMA COMPOSITION “DE MI PARA TÍ (FROM ME TO YOU)” AND DANCING FLAMENCO IN SHARMANTE’S SINGULAR STYLE.
HALFWAY THROUGH THE SONG, TOBY JOINED IN. WITHIN MINUTES HE HAD PICKED UP OUR ROUTINE AND WAS DOING IT BETTER THAN EITHER OF US! HALF-JOKING AND HALF-SERIOUS, I BLURTED: “¡COÑO! ¡SEÑOR! YOU’RE STEALING OUR MOVES!” TOBY GAVE OUT WITH A RAUCOUS LAUGH AND ADMITTED AS MUCH: “THEY’RE TOO GOOD FOR ME NOT TO TRY, AMIGO! YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO STEAL SOME OF MINE.” I WONDERED ALOUD IF THAT WAS HIS INVITATION FOR ME TO COME BACK ANOTHER NIGHT? TOBY SMILED THAT DAZZLING SMILE AGAIN AND WINKED AN EYE.
I SAW CARMEN’S FACE FLUSH WITH ANGER. “I’M AFRAID THAT WE MUST GO NOW,” I QUICKLY SAID. “IT’S BEEN A LONG NIGHT, AND I’VE GOT AN EARLY-MORNING REHEARSAL.” DANTE + I LEFT TOBY WITH GARCY + CARMEN, WHO WAS VISIBLY BESIDE HERSELF WITH RAGE! IF LOOKS COULD KILL, TOBY WOULD’VE DROPPED DEAD ON THE SPOT FROM HER GLARE. HE LATER TOLD ME SHE WAS SO INCENSED, SHE REFUSED TO SPEAK TO HIM FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS!
BUT NOTHING COULD KEEP ME FROM GOING BACK, AND I DID - ALONE, AND OFTEN. I SENSED THAT TOBY LIKED ME, AND I HOPED FOR MORE THAN JUST LIKING! I ALSO CRAVED THE THRILL OF DANCING WITH HIM, AND HE NEEDED SOMEONE TO REHEARSE WITH. CARMEN HAD NEVER REHEARSED WITH ME, AND IT CAME AS NO SURPRISE THAT SHE HADN’T CHANGED HER LAZY HABITS; SO WHENEVER I HAD FREE TIME, I’D GET TOGETHER WITH TOBY IN THE CELLAR OF LA GROSSE BITE.
HE HAD A MAKESHIFT ATHLETIC ROOM SET UP DOWN THERE. WE’D IMPROVISE ON APACHE DANCE MOVES. QUITE NATURALLY WITH THAT KIND OF ROUTINE, DANCING TURNED INTO WRESTLING, AND VICE-VERSA. “¡COÑO! LA CUCHILLA HAD BETTER WATCH OUT,” HE JOKED, “OR I’LL REPLACE HER WITH YOU!” I RUFFLED HIS SHAGGY BLONDE MANE AND SCOLDED HIM: “ESTÁS LOCO, HOMBRE!”
TOBY MAXX AND RITCHIE FONSECA REHEARSE!
BUT THE ONLY PERSON IN OUR LIVES WHO WAS LOCO WAS CARMEN SERNA. THAT PUTA BECAME DETERMINED TO SABOTAGE ME! ONE EVENING AFTER A SHOW, THIS OLD GYPSY LADY SELLING ROSES CALLED TO ME AS I LEFT CUATRO GATOS. I PURCHASED A FLOWER AND NOTICED THAT SHE WAS CRYING.
SHE TOLD ME HER NAME WAS BETHEL LESLIE, AND THAT SHE’D RECENTLY LOST HER SON IN THE WAR. “YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE HIM, MIJO”, SHE SOBBED. “EVEN YOUR LONG HAIR.” BY THEN, @ TOBY’S SUGGESTION, I HAD GROWN IT OUT. “WOULD YOU LET ME HAVE A LOCK OF IT? POR FAVOR.”
LIKE A DAMN FOOL, I ALLOWED HER TO SNIP OFF A CURL. AS SOON AS I GOT HOME, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG; MY BODY BEGAN HURTING ALL OVER! IN THE MORNING, I COULD NOT RISE FROM MY BED. I WAS PARTIALLY PARALYZED!
THOUGH STILL A YOUNG BOY, MY BROTHER DANTE HAD APPRENTICED WITH OUR TRIBE’S SHAMAN BEFORE HE WAS SENT AWAY TO INDIAN SCHOOL. HE RECOGNIZED THE SIGNS OF WITCHCRAFT! AS SOON AS I TOLD HIM ABOUT BETHEL THE GYPSY, HE KNEW WHAT HAD HAPPENED. “DON’T YOU SEE? SHE WAS A BRUJA, AND SHE CAST A SPELL ON YOU,” HE SAID GRIMLY.
THE OLD WOMAN WAS INDEED A WITCH THAT LA CUCHILLA HAD PAID TO HEX ME! DANTE BELIEVED HE KNEW HOW TO BREAK HER SPELL, BUT IT WOULD TAKE TIME; HE HAD TO ASSEMBLE CERTAIN HERBS WHICH WEREN'T EASY TO FIND IN SPAIN. IN THE MEANTIME, I WAS TOO SICK TO WORK, AND MY BOSS HORNYTOAD WAS APOPLECTIC! HE SENT WORD THAT HE’D REPLACE ME IF I DIDN’T RETURN TO CUATROS GATOS BY THE END OF THE WEEK.
THROUGH GARCY BRISEÑO, WE REACHED OUT TO TOBY MAXX. AS IT HAPPENED, LA GROSSE BITE WAS TEMPORARILY CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS; HE + CARMEN WERE PICKING UP JOBS HERE AND THERE. GARCY INQUIRED: WOULD HE SUBSTITUTE FOR ME IF, DURING MY ABSENCE, I PROMISED TO PAY HIM MY FULL SALARY? TOBY AGREED TO DO SO FOR HALF THAT! HE WAS SO ANXIOUS TO LEAVE CARMEN BEHIND, HE MIGHT EVEN HAVE DONE IT FOR FREE.
RAM SHARMA TAUGHT HIM SOME OF MY SONGS, BUT TOBY ALSO BROUGHT HIS OWN REPERTOIRE. HIS BIG SHOW-STOPPER @ CUARTRO GATOS WAS “GITANA (GYPSY WOMAN)”, WHICH HE SANG TO GARCY. AS HE DELIVERED THE LAST VERSE, SHE WOULD FLING HERSELF INTO HIS ARMS! THEN HE WOULD LOOSEN HER LONG, CASCADING BLACK HAIR, BEND HER BACKWARDS AND KISS HER PASSIONATELY. ALL THE WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE SIGHED AND SWOONED!
TOBY WAS A SMASH WITH BOTH MALE AND FEMALE PATRONS, SOME OF WHOM CAME OVER FROM LA BITE TO SEE HIM. DANTE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT, AND I WAS SO HAPPY FOR HIM. I KNEW HE WOULD BE A HIT, BUT I DIDN’T ANTICIPATE JUST HOW BIG.
DANTE’S POTIONS FINALLY BROKE THE WITCH’S SPELL, AND I WAS ABLE TO RETURN TO WORK. TOO LATE! HORNYTOAD BROKE THE BAD NEWS: HE WANTED TOBY MAXX TO REPLACE ME PERMANENTLY! “MAYBE YOU CAN TAKE HIS PLACE @ LA GROSSE BITE, NON?” HE SMIRKED.
I WAS LIVID, BUT HOW COULD I BLAME TOBY? HE HAD ONLY DONE WHAT I’D ASKED HIM TO DO. FORTUNATELY, GARCY WITNESSED THIS EXCHANGE, AND BY THEN SHE WAS FIRMLY ON MY SIDE. SHE OFFERED A SUGGESTION. “YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THEM DANCE TOGETHER, MONSIEUR,” HE SAID. “TAKE MY WORD FOR IT: THEY ARE MAGNIFICO! WHY NOT FEATURE FONSECA + MAXWELL AS A TEAM, FOR THE SAME MONEY THAT ONE DANCER WOULD BE PAID?”
THE CHEAPSKATE IMPRESARIO WAS WILLING TO TRY IT BUT BOTH TOBY + I TOOK SOME CONVINCING! VANITY AND PRIDE KICKED IN, BUT OUR FRIENDSHIP PROVED STRONGER. IT WAS DANTE WHO ULTIMATELY DECIDED US. HE PREDICTED THAT WE’D BECOME SO POPULAR, WE’D BE ABLE TO RE-NEGOTIATE TERMS ALMOST IMMEDIATELY; AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WE PRESENTED OURSELVES AS A SONG-AND-DANCE TEAM.
WE DIDN’T REALLY CREATE A NEW ACT. WE JUST BROUGHT OUR REHEARSALS TO THE STAGE, COMBINING DANCE STEPS WITH WRESTLING HOLDS. ME + TOBY ALWAYS REHEARSED SHIRTLESS, SO WE PERFORMED THAT WAY, TOO. THE CROWD WENT TREMENDO LOCO FOR OUR APACHE ROUTINE ADAPTED FOR TWO MEN. NOTHING LIKE THAT HAD EVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!
RAM + DONNA TAILORED NEW SONGS FOR US, AND WE GREW INTO A SENSATION BIGGER THAN ANYTHING HORNYTOAD HAD EVER PRESENTED. GRUDGINGLY, HE AGREED TO PAY US MORE, BUT ONLY ON CONDITION THAT HE COULD RENAME US. “FONSECA + MAXWELL, NON!” HE DECLARED. “UP ON THE MARQUEE, IT HAS NO MAGIC. FROM NOW ON, YOU WILL BE CALLED ‘TOTO + NINJA’.”
YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW NEGATIVELY A HE-MAN LIKE TOBY MAXX REACTED TO BEING CALLED “TOTO” - A TOY DOG FROM A CHILDREN’S BOOK! AND MONSIEUR HAD TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT A “NINJA” WAS. THEN I WANTED TO KNOW: “WHY NAME ME AFTER A JAPANESE ASSASSIN?” BUT HORNYTOAD WAVED OFF OUR OBJECTIONS. IN HIS DEFENSE, I MUST SAY: THE NEW NAME CAUGHT ON QUICKLY. SOON, ALL BARCELONA WAS BUZZING ABOUT US!
A BRAND NEW SPANISH SENSATION:
TOTO + NINJA!
NATURALLY, TOBY BROKE UP WITH CARMEN SERNA ONCE AND FOR ALL, AND SHE WAS FURIOUS! I LATER LEARNED THAT SHE RETURNED TO BETHEL THE GYPSY. LA CUCHILLA DEMANDED THAT SHE CAST A SPELL ON BOTH OF US!
HOW DID I LEARN THIS? IN A MANNER MOST SHOCKING. THE DAY AFTER EL DÍA DE LOS SANTOS, A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY, THE NEWSPAPER REPORTED THAT A GYPSY BRUJA WAS FOUND IN A BACK ALLEY, SUFFERING FROM MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS! WITH HER DYING BREATHS, BETHEL LESLIE CONFESSED TO HAVING RECENTLY CAST AN EVIL SPELL ON ME, EL NINJA!
SHE WAS PAID TO DO SO BY A PELIRROJA - A RED-HEADED WOMAN. THIS WOMAN THEN RETURNED TO COMMISSION ANOTHER HEX, THIS TIME ON MYSELF AND ANOTHER PERSON; BUT SHE WAS UNABLE TO PAY THE LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY BETHEL LESLIE INSISTED ON. THE OLD WOMAN DIED BEFORE SHE COULD SPEAK HER KILLER’S NAME; BUT I KNEW WHO IT WAS. THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT IN MY MIND!
BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WAS TOO CAUGHT UP IN A WHIRLWIND OF FAME TO WORRY ABOUT CARMEN FOR VERY LONG. TOTO + NINJA BECAME SO INCREDIBLY POPULAR THAT HORNYTOAD COULD NOT AFFORD US! WE LEFT BOTH CUATRO GATOS AND SHARMANTE BEHIND FOR A LUCRATIVE ENGAGEMENT @ BARCELONA’S VERSION OF THE MOULIN ROUGE.
WE HAD ORCHESTRAL ACCOMPANIMENT THERE, BUT FOR A PORTION OF OUR FEE, RAM + DONNA CONTINUED WRITING SONGS FOR US. MONSIEUR WASN’T HAPPY ABOUT THIS, BUT RAM SHARMA WOULD NOT BE DICTATED TO! HE TOLD HORNYTOAD: “¡YA BASTA! YOU PAY FOR MY SERVICES, BUT YOU DO NOT OWN MIS CANCIONES! I GIVE THEM TO WHOMEVER I PLEASE.” THE IMPRESARIO BACKED OFF, WARY OF LOSING HIS ONLY OTHER STAR ATTRACTION!
BY MID-1916, TOTO + NINJA HAD BECOME THE TOAST OF SPAIN. WE WERE WINED, DINED AND CELEBRATED ALL OVER THE COUNTRY! IN PARTS OF SWITZERLAND, PORTUGAL, BELGIUM, FRANCE AND ITALY, TOO. TOBY + I APPEARED @ ALL THE TOP CABARETS, BUT OUR “HOME BASE” BECAME THE MOULIN ROUGE.
THAT’S WHERE CARMEN SERNA SUDDENLY REAPPEARED; SHE SNEAKED BACKSTAGE ONE NIGHT WITH A MAN SHE CALLED HER MANAGER; I RECOGNIZED HIM AS A PIMP! NEITHER OF US HAD SEEN HER IN NEARLY A YEAR, AND WE CERTAINLY WERE NOT PLEASED TO MAKE HER ACQUAINTANCE AGAIN.
LA CUCHILLA LOOKED HARD AND CHEAP! SHE’D MADE NUMEROUS UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS TO RETURN TO PERFORMING, SOMETIMES WITH PARTNERS BUT MORE OFTEN WITHOUT. “I NEED MEN WITH ME IN ORDER TO CONJURE THE MAGIC MY FANS WANT TO SEE,” SHE CONFESSED, "BUT NOT JUST ANY MEN. I WANT YOU! WITH YOUR SPLENDID VOICES AND GLISTENING BODIES. JUST IMAGINE WHAT THE THREE OF US COULD DO . . . TOGETHER!”
TO OUR HORROR, SHE PROPOSED JOINING OUR ACT. CARMEN WANTED TO CHANGE OUR NAME TO BELLEZA Y FUERZA (“BEAUTY AND BRAWN”)! HER “MANAGER” PREDICTED THAT WE’D ALL THREE REACH UNCHARTED HEIGHTS OF FAME. WITH HIM POCKETING A HEFTY COMMISSION, OF COURSE!
BOTH TOBY + I DISSOLVED IN FITS OF LAUGHTER! “¡MUJER! YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS?” I BLURTED BETWEEN GUFFAWS. OH, BUT SHE WAS. CARMEN WAS PLAYING A HIGH-STAKES GAME WITH US, AND NOW SHE BRANDISHED HER TRUMP CARD: MY SECRET! UNBEKNOWNST TO ME, SHE HAD INGRATIATED HERSELF WITH A MEMBER OF SHARMANTE: MALACHI HIPP, WHO WAS JEALOUS OF US BOTH.
MAL HAD EYES FOR HIS DANCE PARTNER (AND TOBY’S LOVER) GARCY BRISEÑO, AND HE STILL RESENTED MY SOLO SUCCESS! HE’D REVEALED TO CARMEN THAT I WAS CHEROKEE PASSING MYSELF OFF AS WHITE. TOBY DENOUNCED HER ACCUSATION: "IT'S A DAMN LIE!" I HAD NEVER TOLD HIM ABOUT MY HERITAGE; I CONSIDERED DOING SO SEVERAL TIMES BUT ALWAYS BACKED DOWN. I GUESS I FEARED THAT HE WOULDN'T LIKE ME AS MUCH AS I WANTED HIM TO!
“ES LA VERDAD," CARMEN HISSED @ ME THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH. "YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE! YOU’RE NOTHING BUT UN SALVAJE BÁRBARO (A BLOODY SAVAGE)! RECONSIDER MY OFFER, OR I SWEAR BY MY COÑO THAT I’LL RUIN YOU BOTH! INSTEAD OF ‘TOTO + NINJA’, THEY’LL START CALLING YOU TOTO AND THE TAR BABY!”
"GEMINI"
