RIDE, RIDE, BABY (Part Three)
THIRD MOTORCYCLE ROUTE:
from Miami to Milan
This is Dean Christopher again. I’m in the Archie Archives at Riverdale Music Academy, and I’m sharing with you passages from the incomplete memoir of Veronica Lodge-Andrews. She’s writing about the years 2027 and 2028, when The Archies signed a contract with Atlantic Records to record Soul music. During this time, the issue of race caused conflict in her marriage to Archie, my biological father. What a surprise to learn that he went through a period where he talked like a Gangsta rapper: Throwing street profanity around with abandon! It sure doesn’t sound like the Archie I knew; but parents go through a lot of different phases in life, just like their children do. Veronica’s revelation that she had some African-American heritage was also unexpected. In this next passage, she reveals a few more little-known facts, this time about The Archies’ manager, Nicholas “Big Nipsy” Freund and their longtime music director Dilton Doiley Briseño. You’ll also hear about when the sixty-something Archies portrayed a motorcycle gang in a music video, and about plans for an album that was never recorded. But more than anything, you’ll learn what a spicy, gutsy, take-charge lady Veronica was! Even at the age of 85, which is how old she was when she wrote about these events.
POP CULTURE CANTINA
presents
RIDE, RIDE, BABY!
THE ARCHIES IN SOUL MOTION
A Novelette in Four Parts
Inspired by the Songs of
BERT BERNS
starring
THE ARCHIES
BLUE-EYED SOUL
MARIACHI LOWRIDER
OLGUITA and REGINALD
TONI TOPAZ
THE VIXENS
Cartoon Cameo Appearances by
GLORIA ESTEFAN
MIDLAND
DARA SEDAKA
and
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
featuring LAURA PINTO and
introducing DR. LESTER E. BLUE, JR
Narrated by
DEAN CHRISTOPHER
FROM VERONICA’S MANUSCRIPT:
So after fifteen years away from the recording studio and touring, The Archies were back in business! Jason Blossom, the man we sold our indie label to, had sued the group, preventing us from recording elsewhere. Then in 2027, a judge ruled in our favor, freeing us to release new music. We signed to Atlantic Records in March, and two months later we began cutting a “comeback” album in El Paso, Texas and Memphis, Tennessee. By late June, the album was ready for release; but Atlantic had a shitload of major artist releases already in the summer and fall pipelines. Archiekins and I didn’t want this new record to get lost in the shuffle; so when Atlantic’s president, Dr. Lester Blue, Jr. suggested that we hold it back until winter, we agreed.
SONG WITH ARCHIE
However, we insisted on releasing a preview song. We chose “Aretha”, a reggaetón-tinged tribute to the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. It was always going to be the album’s lead single, because it was an awesome Bert Berns tune that Jughead performed to perfection!
We coupled it with a music video that depicted The Archies as comic book characters. It was a throwback to that lame-ass Eighties cartoon series that was based on us! I wasn’t crazy about the concept or the animation, but Betty thought it was a cute idea . . . whatever. Yet, when the track debuted on Mega-Spotify in August of 2027, nothing happened with it. Even after The Archies performed “Aretha” live on “Good Morning America”, there was no airplay at all and the streaming stats were dismal. That cheesy YouTube clip was definitely ill-conceived, but a stank video didn’t explain such a poor response to great music. We were heartbroken! Had our fans completely forgotten us?
We chose the album’s title track, “Ride, Ride, Baby,” for the second single. It was a kick-ass duet sung by Archie and Chuckii with superb brass backing from Mariachi Lowrider; but I thought it needed a remix. Archie commissioned two of the top remix producers, Wiggy G. Wampus and Señor Sweetback to reimagine it. Both of them agreed: The single needed to sound more Latin! Wiggy thought we’d been trying to imitate Puerto Rican rapper Ivy Queen’s records. “You missed her sound by a mile, didn’t you, luv?” she smirked. “No worries, we’ll get it right.” Wiggy's fake British accent set my teeth on edge! But she and the Señor had a great track record of hit productions, so we let them have at our new single.
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN HELPS THE ARCHIES
COVER HIS SONG "RAMROD"
They proceeded to pump up the reggaetón rhythms to the point where the song’s old-school Soul flavor was all but obliterated. There was no melody left, all the reverb had disappeared, most of the verse was edited out and the vocals were Auto-Tuned beyond recognition! When Archie heard what they did to the vocal track, he couldn't believe it was him singing: "WTF? Did they take my voice off the fucking record?" Needless to say, he despised these new versions! So did the rest of the group, and frankly, I don’t even think Ivy Queen would’ve approved. There were four remixes in all, but they never saw light of day.
We were conflicted about what to do next, but then our music director Dilton Doiley Briseño threw his two cents in. I expected we would argue because Dilton was both a hothead and highly opinionated, but no: He just affirmed what we already knew. The Latin element in Archies music should not be overdone.
“Belatedly, ‘Aretha’ is going to break for a hit in Latin America,” he correctly predicted. “Your large following in Hispanic communities is still around and it isn’t going anywhere. Latino fans are intensely loyal, so there’s no need to drown them in reggaetón overdubs. For this project, you don’t even have to record in Spanish. In the barrio, they love vintage Soul music, especially Chicanos! With that in mind, Foolkiller and I blended some traditional Mexican sounds into his arrangements. We wanted to strike a balance between Latin music and Soul; but it’s got to be a delicate balance.”
Dilton believed that the success or failure of this project hinged on our core audience. He convinced us to try something unprecedented: Placing an English-language album on the Latin charts and then crossing over to Pop! The Archies had done something similar in 2014: ARCHIE @ THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL was a bilingual concert album that we only released in South America. It blew up down there, becoming so popular that it charted Top Ten on North-American dance club surveys! Jumping from Latin radio to Pop radio would be a totally different ballgame; but we really had no other choice. Our new music wasn’t contemporary Urban, it wasn’t contemporary Rock, and it wasn’t Adult-Contemporary, either. Targeting Dance and Latin markets was our only real option for getting airplay. Dilton promised us that he would emphasize the Latin feeling without obscuring our soulfulness like those remix producers had done.
Although electronic wizardry was second nature to him, Dilton wasn't fond of records loaded down with synthesizer gimmicks! He wanted live-in-studio overdubs for his Latin remix, so Archie and I decided he should have the best available: Musical talent from America’s pulsing heart of Latin Pop! Little Havana! In late September after completing a round of personal appearances, The Archies regrouped in Miami at the audio complex owned by Gloria Estefan and her husband Emilio.
Our half-Spanish manager Big Nipsy was a distant cousin of Gloria, but long before we knew that, Archie and I had befriended The Estefans. We got to know Emilio and Missy (her nickname) when we were promoting The Archies’ ÉXITOS EN ESPAÑOL album back in 2008; so now they were letting us use Crescent Moon Studios at a reduced rate. I immediately regretted not cutting our backing tracks there. Not that Falcon Studios was awful, but I totally fell in love with the tropical ambiance of that building! Who can resist potted palms, mosaics, grilles and bamboo blinds? Dr. Blue raved about the décor even more than I did. He accompanied us to Miami and served as executive producer on the date. Officially, he was there for The Archies but we found out later that he'd made a futile attempt to lure Gloria over to Atlantic Records!
ON BERT BERNS' HIT SONG
"CRY, BABY"
With help from some of Gloria and Emilio’s great studio musicians, we added more piano, brass and percussion to “Ride, Ride, Baby,” but not too much more. Just enough! Then Missy performed a Spanglish Rap sequence that her daughter Emily wrote, and we laid it over the song’s instrumental break. That took the record to a whole new level!
We also cut an alternate duet vocal track for “Cry Baby” in Spanish; Missy did the translation. We had to use different singers than on the English version, though: Kelly’s Spanish pronunciation was so hopelessly gringo, everybody in the studio was cracking up! He bowed out and I replaced him, but the combination of me and Jughead wasn't right for that song.
It would’ve made a perfect duet for me and Archie, but he was suffering from laryngitis that day – by then, a regular occurrence – so I suggested to Chuck Clayton that he be my duet partner. That third try was definitely the charm: The Spanish lyrics benefited from sharply contrasting voices, and my soprano was the perfect contrast for Chuckii’s baritone. I thought we sounded great together, but Archie wasn’t happy with “Óyeme Llorona”- in fact, he really hated it - so we ended up scrapping the track. I was afraid Gloria and Emilio might be offended, but they couldn’t have been more professional. “You guys know what is and isn’t right for your audience,” they said, and it never became an issue.
WALKING HER PET PYGMY
ALLIGATOR
At the same time, we cut some alternate single candidates, and other songs that we intended to release on Atlantic EPs. Archie and Gloria Estefan sat down together and wrote “Wishful Thinking”, an original Latin Soul ballad that I sang lead on; Missy sang harmony with me, and I was thrilled! The Country band Midland was in town, and we invited them to sit in. They played and sang behind Kelly on an old Eddie Cochran number called “Stockings And Shoes”. It was one of just two non-Soul tunes we cut at this date.
Midland also backed Chuckii on a remake of Edwin Starr’s Soul stomper “Twenty-Five Miles”. Toni Topaz had promised to fly down, and she arrived in time to sing background vocals on “What'cha Gonna Do About It?”, a Doris Troy oldie. Betty was the lead singer on that one. Yes, Juggy’s second wife sang harmony vocals for his first wife! I’ll bet that kind of collaboration doesn’t happen very often.
Toni also sang background on “Ramrod”, a Bruce Springsteen tune. It’s from THE RIVER, my favorite of all his albums. The Boss felt "Ramrod" would be a great song for The Archies to cut, and he took time out of a very busy schedule to fly down and play on our track. His wife Patti came, too, and joined me and Toni on backing vocals.
Working with Bruce was an unforgettable experience, but not in the way you’d expect: Although very focused and serious, he could also be wickedly funny! When Alan M played our recording back, he jumped up and started twerking like crazy! Before long, Bruce was leading a “Twerk Line” that included Juggy, Kelly, Betty and me. Our five bouncing butts had Patti, Archie, Toni, Alan M and Dr. Blue screaming with laughter!
It broke Archiekins’ heart that he couldn’t sing lead on “Ramrod” but there was no way: His laryngitis was so bad, he could barely even whisper! However, he did co-arrange the track with Bruce, and they both loved what Jughead did with the song. So did everyone else; but without a doubt, the biggest asset to that session was The Boss’s trademark lead guitar licks. They were nothing less than awesome, and my support on rhythm guitar wasn’t too shabby, either!
And then, there was that great organ part. If you’ll pardon the expression, Kevin Keller was a stoned bitch on the keyboard! When we nailed the track in one take, Bruce hollered fuck, yeah! and gave him a high five. Kelly is such a huge Springsteen fan, I’ll bet he hasn’t washed his left hand since!
ALBUM COMPILED FROM
AI-ENHANCED REHEARSAL
TAPES WILL BE PULLED
OFF THE MARKET
We all wanted to spend more time with Bruce and Patti, but they had a flight to catch. We didn’t have much time left, either. My husband is usually very relaxed in the studio, but these sessions were an exception; he pushed us to get everything down on tape in two days! Of course, there were budgetary considerations, but that didn't explain his urgency. I never did get an explanation; something was bothering Archie, but he wouldn't open up.
Dilton was in a hurry to leave, too: He didn’t think much of Crescent Moon’s mixing desk, even though it was state-of-the-art. He preferred using equipment of his own design, that he’d recently installed at Falcon Studios; so he and Alan M took the single and album masters back to El Paso and got busy. I told them to bear the fuck down and not stop working until they had mixes guaranteed to set Latin Pop radio on fire!
The Archies stayed in Miami long enough to shoot two music videos: One for “Ride, Ride, Baby” and another for our planned third single, "Soul Motion". The first clip wasn't streamed for very long, and the second was never even put online; all the same, I think they're two of our best. Toni Topaz directed them. They were her very first directing jobs and the only videos she ever did for us; but she went on to direct many famous clips for herself and other Tropical music stars.
Toni had pitched me a concept: The Archies as a biker gang on the road! As she sketched it out in vivid detail, I started thinking: This woman can sing, act, dance and choreograph: Maybe she can direct videos, too! Why not? I challenged Toni to put her concept on film, but I wanted to stage it because I had a specific set of props in mind.
The Archies had a fleet of motorcycles built and customized just for us! They were a gift from Don Kirshner, dating back to the time we scored big with “Sugar, Sugar”. When the group broke up for the first time, those bikes went into storage and we kind of forgot about them; but when we started planning these videos, I remembered where they were: In a warehouse on the outskirts of Miami.
We rolled those bikes out of there, polished and tuned them up, then revved them up and made them the centerpiece of Toni Topaz’s two-part narrative. We looked hella fierce on those choppers, dressed in leather and vinyl gang-banger outfits! Mariachi Lowrider's outfitter, Henrietta la del Barrio created them for us on very short notice. It was a fresh and edgy new image for The Archies, and the styling was all mine; but Toni deserves credit for shooting that fantastic footage.
VERONICA'S 60th BIRTHDAY BASH IN ITALY
Speaking of leather, there’s a rather spicy story that involves our manager, Nicholas Freund. Big Nipsy was in that biker gang video with us, but Toni filmed his scenes later. He didn’t go with us to Miami. When Dilton and Alan M returned to El Paso they found him waiting there. Ostensibly, he was present to oversee the remixing, but dude was less interested in the mixes than he was in one of the engineers! Alan noticed that he and Dilton seemed awfully close! Much more than ever before. Naturally, when he told me about it I had to get the full 411. Didn’t I get a big surprise, too: Nicholas and Dilton were dating!
I consider myself an excellent judge of sexual orientation, but Dilton Doiley Briseño is the last person I would ever have tagged as Gay or Bisexual. In college, he had a major crush on Betty for a while. After that, he was involved with numerous girls; believe it or not, MIT's pint-sized Brainiac was quite the babe magnet! At no time had he ever showed any interest in men; yet when I told Kevin Keller about Dilton and Big Nipsy, he shrugged and said: “That’s old news, honey. I’ve known that Dilt was ‘bi’ for years.” Archie knew about their fling, too: In fact, it had inspired “Wishful Thinking”, the song he co-wrote with Gloria Estefan for me to sing. I was so pissed! That stinker never told me!
By that time, Dilton had been married a few times: The mother of his daughter Garcy had died, and his last marriage had ended in divorce. Kelly told me that’s when Dilton decided to really explore his bisexuality for the first time. That exploration led him into El Paso’s BDSM community! Straight-laced Dilton, into kink, sexual bondage and domination? I just couldn’t figure that! But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. He was a brilliant scientist as well as a musician, and his inquisitive mind was drawn to the complex and unusual. Boredom is anathema to geniuses, and whatever else you may say about BDSM, it isn’t boring.
Nicholas Freund, God rest his soul, had been part of the Gay leather scene for many years by then. I used to get no end of amusement, hearing about his kinky escapades in sleazy backrooms and dank dungeons! While we were cutting the backing tracks for RIDE, RIDE, BABY at Falcon Studios, Nicholas took in some of El Paso’s Gay BDSM clubs. One night in the basement of one called The Briar Patch, he got himself an eyeful: Baby boy Dilton bare-bottom naked, smeared in Crisco from head to toe and trussed up in a sling! Squeal! I wish I had been there, with my camera!
They had known each forever but just like me, Nicholas had always considered him heterosexual. One thing led to another, and they became an item! It was so cute, watching them act like lovestruck teenagers: Dilton called Nicholas chucrut (Spanish for “sauerkraut”) because of his part-German heritage, and Big Nipsy gave Dilton the nickname nalga de negro; that was in reference to his Mexican heritage. I understand a smidgen of Spanish, but I wasn't familiar with that particular slang term. Nicholas laughed and told me: "It just means he's got a bubble butt!"
Knowing how different their personalities were, I predicted that it wouldn’t last, and I was right; but while they were together, “Diltsy” had some wild times! While the two of them were kinking it up in the Lone Star State, The Archies were off making promotional appearances in Europe.
A SECOND ATLANTIC RECORDS ALBUM
BY THE ARCHIES
Even though our first Atlantic album was still in the can, we started recording our second one in January of 2028. We flew to Italy at the request of RAI Television; their entertainment division asked us to take part in a televised tribute to songwriters Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil. Because of our album HITS OF THE SIXTIES: SONGS OF MANN + WEIL, The Archies are considered definitive interpreters of their catalog. We’d also sung Barry and Cynthia’s hits on a TV special that aired in Europe back in 2012.
This time we performed “I Just Can't Help Believin'” with Juggy and Kelly sharing lead vocals; “Good, Good Lovin'”, a Country/Soul duet for Betty and Chuckii; "New World Comin'”, a solo for me; and “Shades Of Gray” which we sang as an ensemble. The show was taped before a capacity crowd at Teatro Dal Verme. That's in Milan, one of my favorite places on the planet! The day after we finished shooting was my 60th birthday, so the group threw me a big-ass party!
It was at La Bisteccheria, my favorite Milanese steakhouse. Waiters wheeled in this huge birthday cake and a nearly naked Chuck Clayton jumped out of it! That delighted me, because Chuckii used to do the same thing at our Archie Records office parties! But I looked over at Archie, and he had this shocked look on his face. I guess he’d forgotten that those cake stunts had been his idea; and maybe he thought this one was too raunchy for the Italian celebrities in attendance. He shouldn’t have worried: They loved it as much as I did!
THE ARCHIES ROCK IT BARRIO-STYLE
@ TEATRO DAL VERME IN MILAN
There were so many stars there that night, I can't remember them all: Italian Pop singer Mahmood was there, and actor Luca Zingaretti. Supermodel Giorgia Palmas arrived fashionably late with soccer star Mario Balotelli on her arm. They were just in time to hear Andrea Bocelli’s son Matteo sing a birthday aria for me! Archie also invited our old friend, Milanese producer D’Angelo Wong, and his birthday present to me was a session at Grand Prix Studios.
The Archies had recorded there with him in the early Teens; we cut some Rock songs in Italian for our fan club members. Dandy was just the A + R director then but now he owned the studio, and he’d just had it refurbished. We used my complimentary record date to begin cutting demos for the next album. The day we cut them, Toni was with Juggy and our old colleague Rod Mack was there, too. No longer based in London, he was now splitting his time between France, Spain and Italy. Rod happened to be playing a Jazz gig nearby in Venice, so he flew in and helped us out.
Our next album was going to be a collection of vintage R & B classics from the Atlantic catalog. I think Archie was intimidated by the pedigree of material; he didn’t have us jump in and cut masters right away like we’d done with RIDE, RIDE, BABY. This time, he wanted everything carefully laid out beforehand. We cut eight demos, including ones for Eddie Floyd’s “Knock On Wood”, Wilson Pickett’s “Mustang Sally” and Aretha Franklin’s “Since You’ve Been Gone” with Betty on lead vocals. Rod and Chuck teamed up to sing Ben E. King's "Supernatural Thing", and we also tried Sister Sledge’s “We Are Family” as a trio performance by Toni, Betty and me. Those last two were the only demos that I liked!
I wasn’t comfortable going down the Soul route again; I felt we had made our definitive statement in that genre on the previous album. However, another Soul record was in our contract and the rest of the group was gung-ho, so I resigned myself to making HARD TO HANDLE! That was the working title Archie chose for the new project.
Versions of hits by Ray Charles, Otis Redding, The Spinners and Tyrone Davis were also in the lineup, and I remember Kelly in particular being very eager to get started. He had no idea that we’d never get to record the album! None of us did. The Archies logged just one more recording session under Atlantic Records’ auspices – one that I didn’t attend.
GET ON IT, BABY
GET ON THE BIKE!
GET ON IT, BABY
ROLL ALL NIGHT
DO YOU LIKE IT?
THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT!
DO YOU LIKE, IT, GIRL?
DO YOU LIKE IT LIKE THAT?
HOLD ON, BABY!
HOLD ON TIGHT
HOLD ON, GIRL
IT FEELS ALL RIGHT
Music + Lyrics by
JEFF BARRY + BERT BERNS
©Copyright 1966 Sloopy II Music/
Sony ATV Music/Trio Music/
Universal Songs of Polygram International
(BMI)
