Say Goodbye To Riverdale Synopsis (Part Two)
Archie, Cantina Style!
An Alternate History of The Archies
Synopsis of the 2014 graphic novel
"Say Goodbye To Riverdale"
A Cartoons + Castanets Production
Written by Hampton Jacobs
Illustrated by Stuffed Animal
Costumes by Henrietta la del Barrio
featuring pop art images based on
ARCHIE COMICS characters
THE ARCHIES ATTEMPT TO CUT A NEW
SOUL ALBUM IN EARLY 2028. IT WON'T
BE COMPLETED UNTIL A DOZEN YEARS
AFTER THE GROUP HAS DISBANDED!
A POP ARCHIE TIMELINE:
(2003 - 2011)
2003 - Mick Jagger adores ARCHIE COUNTRY! and contacts The Archies. Veronica convinces Mick to allow The Archies to cut a Rolling Stones tribute. The resulting ARCHIES GET STONED LP is another double-length set, and it wins the group their second Platinum record award. A cover of "Happy" with Betty on lead vocals is the most successful single issued from this album. Without Kevin Keller (who only works with them in the studio), The Archies stage a successful North American tour. Their background singers are Big Ethel + The Vixens, who are actually Archie's office staff (and Ethel will soon become his private secretary). They star in "US of Archie" a 4th of July TV special; ratings are dismal. However, the USO concert that bookends the show becomes legendary! After it's made available on LP to Archie Fan Club members, US OF ARCHIE is hailed as The Archies' finest live album. Veronica launches the Archie Fan Club label. This is a mail-order music service; in addition to The Archies, Chuck Clayton, Pop Tate, The Vixens, The Cochinada Brothers, Betty and Veronica (performing as a duo) and Midge Mercury's Gigolettes will cut masters for AFC. Every release is a collector's item. Cherry Vagina Music (so christened by Veronica, who thinks the name is "empowering to women") is launched as the publishing arm of Archie Americana Productions. It's an outlet for original compositions by members of The Archies; Arch, Betty and Juggy are the most prolific songwriters. Seldom will the group record these copyrights, but several will score hits for various Country and R & B acts.
ARCHIES SINGLES RELEASED
BETWEEN NOVEMBER 2003 AND MARCH 2005.
2004 - Big Ethel oversees the Archie Fan Club label. Veronica dislikes the acoustics of Archie Sound Studios (ASS) and calls for extensive renovation. While the upgrade proceeds, The Archies search out a new studio home. They settle on Chapel of Rock in Santa Barbara, owned and operated by Jeff Barry; Barry was their main producer during the Kirshner Records era. He plays percussion on JEFF AND ELLIE SONGBOOK, a double-length collection of mostly Girl Group hits co-written by him with former partner Ellie Greenwich. A third Platinum record results, accompanied by three best-selling singles: "Hip Shaker" (led by Veronica), "He Ain't No Angel" (with Betty out front) and the mega-hit "Nobody But You", sung by Reggie. In 2014, the album will be reissued under the title HITS OF THE SIXTIES, VOLUME TWO. A second successful national tour follows, but the members decide that large-scale tours are too time-consuming. In the future, only small tours will be undertaken.
THE ARCHIES MEET THEIR NEW
RECORD PRODUCER, RALFI CHINGAS
IN 2002.
2005 - HOT, SWEET + LIVE!, a live-in-concert album, is cut in New Orleans at the close of The Archies' 2004 tour. Sales for the single disc LP are lukewarm. While in The Big Easy, Juggy, Betty and Ralfi Chingas take part in jam sessions with Wynton Marsalis and other Jazz musicians. They call on Kevin Keller to help them cut an instrumental Jazz CD. The Peerless label markets it under the name Juggy's Jazz Excursion. KING OF LATIN SOUL will become one of the rarest of Archies-related collector's items. Juggy and Kelly occasionally perform as a duet act called Blue-Eyed Soul. They co-star in a highly-rated cable TV special celebrating the music of Marvin Gaye. Meanwhile, Archie prepares to star in an indie film called Black Belt Smackdown! He will also write the music score. Returning to Memphis, The Archies cut an album tribute to songwriter Toni Wine but it's never released. The master tape is destroyed by a vengeful sound engineer who is caught bootlegging! The group then travels to South America on a mini-tour and appears in "La Diosa del Aire", a musical telenovela; songs from their aborted album provide the TV soundtrack, which is successful. In Medellín, Columbia, Arch and Roni sign a South American distribution deal for their label. Their new distributor is Discos Fuentes, an iconic Latin music company. Later in the year, they purchase the Kirshner Records catalog containing The Archies' early masters. With help from Blue-Eyed Soul, Veronica cuts a solo album. Her tribute to Olivia Newton-John fails to impress critics and generates little fan interest. Roni is determined to promote it, but the sudden death of her father scuttles those plans. Ram Lodge's grieving daughter goes into seclusion for the rest of the year. Other group members occupy themselves with charity work for victims of Hurricane Katrina.
ARCHIES SINGLES RELEASED
BETWEEN JUNE 2005 AND OCTOBER 2006.
2006 - The Archies convene in London, where Archie is hard at work on the soundtrack for Black Belt Smackdown! At Abbey Road Studios, they begin cutting a song tribute to Ron Dante, their one-time vocal coach and producer during the Kirshner Records era. Veronica's extramarital affair with Jughead comes to light during the sessions, wreaking havoc in the studio! The group splinters and work on the nearly-completed album grinds to a halt. Flying back to the States with the session tapes, Reggie and Ron Dante finish the album at ASS under the auspices of Alan Mayberry. GET IT ON TODAY! becomes The Archies' second consecutive LP to under-perform in sales, but the title track scores one of their biggest hits yet when released as a single. Reggie mounts a brief solo tour in Australia and while down under cuts an EP tribute to the Jackson Five. SUGAR DADDY won't be released until 2009. Betty is involved in a serious auto accident and Roni miscarries Juggy's baby; the group rallies around both women as they recover. At Ron Dante's suggestion, The Archies agree to regroup the following year and record a Christmas album. Chuck Clayton and Alan Mayberry become unofficial A & R chiefs of the Archie Fan Club label.
MEDIA BLITZ FOR THE ARCHIES IN 2004!
2007 - While The Archies are still reeling from the events of 2006, Black Belt Smackdown is released. Reviews are scathing! Archie gives up on an acting career and busies himself with preparations for a special concert. The Archies headline a show in Santa Barbara celebrating the music of Jeff Barry, and it is very well-received. THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JEFF BARRY is recorded and filmed but never released on DVD due to legal complications. Yet spirits are high when The Archies and Kevin Keller convene in Hollywood to cut their Christmas album. Good feeling generated by the tribute concert and yuletide repertoire confirm the group members' commitment to continue working together. By the time they meet in New Orleans later in the year to cut new tracks, Reggie "Gino" Mantle has become a top demo singer in Nashville. He demands a larger share of lead vocals, which becomes a source of increasing tension between him and Archie! The new tracks feature on GREATEST HITS OF ALL-TIME, the first Archies hits compilation since the Kirshner era. It drops simultaneously with the Christmas album; both LPs win Gold record awards. The New Orleans sessions yield several hit singles, the biggest of which is the Rock ballad "Lady Jane" - Veronica plays lead guitar and Juggy sings lead vocals. Other hits include "Soul Deep Ska"(lead vocals by Archie), the country rocker "Hill Underground" (a showcase for Betty), Roni and Kelly dueting on "Reach Out In The Darkness" and a Reggie-led medley of Neil Diamond tunes. Reg begins his transition from bass to keyboard player. Touring music director Dilton Doiley Briseño begins taking a greater role in Archies recording sessions, and session bass player Trevor Santiago works with them for the first time.
PROMO FOR "US OF ARCHIE", A 2003
FOURTH OF JULY CABLE TV SPECIAL.
2008 - Archie and Veronica launch the Cherry Vagina label in order to market a Reggie Mantle solo single. The spicy lyrics of "Eunice Danvers" stall airplay, but several Country artists cover this murder ballad composed by Veronica and Kevin Keller. Archie, Betty, Veronica and Juggy collaborate on the follow-up single, "Ain't Nothin' Like A Heartbreaker". It generates some airplay but after clashing anew with Archie, Reg refuses to promote it. Chuck Clayton, whose status with the Archie organization has so far been unofficial, hires on as a song plugger for Cherry Vagina Music. Josie + The Pussy Cats sign with Archie Records. With Josie's nemesis Alexandra acting as producer, they record SOUL GALORE, a best-selling comeback album. Dilton Doiley Briseño approaches Archie with a new arrangement for "Sugar, Sugar". He loves it, and The Archies cut the remake in New Orleans. Archie and Veronica sing the lyrics in Spanish. The single stalls at Top Forty in the USA, but sells like hotcakes in every Spanish-speaking territory!
THE ARCHIES' EXTENDED-PLAY SINGLES
DISCOGRAPHY, 2002 - 2012.
The band undertakes a mini-tour of Spain, Italy, Portugal and Latin-America. In Europe, Pansexual Reggie flaunts his affair with Ricky Martin and poses for nude centerfold photos; this brings his conflicts with Archie to a head. Arch fires him from the group! Reg signs a solo deal with Fantasy Records and cuts "Papichulo Mambo". The Archies rejected this Spanish-language sizzler as a single candidate but now it tops the dance charts! While recording his début CD in México City, Reggie gets romantically involved with Olga San Quentín, a famous Mexican singer/songwriter and dancer. Olga is also working with The Archies, penning lyrics for a Spanish-language album they plan to record. Archie hires Trevor Santiago, brother of Josie + The Pussy Cats' lead singer Valerie Smith to sub for Reggie. Subsequently, Trev adopts his sister's stage surname. At Chapel of Rock, he helps the band record ÉXITOS EN ESPAÑOL, which will become the all-time best-selling Archies album in Latin America. Dilton Doiley Briseño arranges and co-produces the double-length set with Ralfi Chingas.
ARCHIES SINGLES RELEASED
BETWEEN MAY 2007 AND SEPTEMBER 2009.
2009 - Olga San Quentín gives birth to Reggie Mantle's son Dante Carmine just as his solo album drops. LOVE 2 LOVE is a Norteño-flavored collection of Neil Diamond songs. It is critically acclaimed but controversial because of pornographic videos that Reggie films to promote it. Neil Diamond sues for defamation and copyright infringement; Fantasy Records is forced to withdraw the album from sale. Reg is crushed but the success of his Australian EP SUGAR DADDY somewhat softens the blow. Betty, Veronica and Juggy have stayed in touch with him. They convince Reg to meet The Archies in Puerto Rico, where they are cutting a second Country album. Olga and the baby tag along. Reg and Archie patch up their differences, and both Reg and Olga appear as guest artists on RETURN TO ARCHIE COUNTRY. Album sessions stall when Veronica and Ralfi Chingas clash over musical arrangements; the two stop speaking to each other! Archie calls in Dilton Doiley Briseño to take over as producer; he meets up with The Archies in New Orleans and cuts new versions of Ralfi Chingas productions that Roni disliked. The finished double-length album is a mix of new recordings and leftover tracks from the 2002 ARCHIE COUNTRY! sessions. It scores a long-awaited fourth Platinum record award for The Archies. This latest success forces the group to reconsider their ban on large-scale tours. Their subsequent national tour becomes one of the biggest attractions of the 2009-10 concert season! Hit singles include the ensemble vocal showcase "Love Of The Common People", Betty's star turn on "Jacky Daniels And You" (the band's first Top Ten Country record), Trevor Smith's début lead vocal on a remake of "Jet Airliner" and "Good Deal, Lucille", a 2002 track featuring Reggie. Reg maintains "guest artist" status but returns to the group as keyboard player; Trevor Smith officially replaces him, taking over bass duties. Veronica moves into the lead guitarist spot while Archie plays rhythm guitar. Kevin Keller joins the tour as an opening act.
CUSTOMIZED RECORD LABELS FOR
RETRO!!! A 2075 ARCHIES BOX SET.
2010 - The Archies concentrate on solo projects. Kevin Keller has stopped recording with the group in order to pursue an acting career. He is hired to star in a TV show about a Gay superhero. Kelly films a pilot for "The Equalizer" but it never gets picked up. Trevor Smith sells Archie on a Jazz vocal group called Savoy Sound. Archie signs them to his label. When their bad-tempered lead singer quits, Trev subs for him. Savoy Sound's self-titled début album draws mixed reviews and lackluster sales. Archie arranges to cut a tribute album to Burt Bacharach, with the famous composer producing. Critics (as well as Veronica and Bacharach himself) adore WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT, ARCHIE? but it flops. Arch's solo single, "Made In Paris" barely charts. Jackie DeShannon contacts Betty Jones and requests that she cut an album of her compositions. Much to Archie's chagrin, the legendary singer/songwriter arranges for Betty to sign with Jamie Records. Many people consider Betty a vocal re-incarnation of Country legend Patsy Cline, and it's the two singers' similar phrasing that most intrigues DeShannon. Though not a big seller upon release, Betty's PATSY, JACKIE AND ME CD quickly becomes a coveted cult item. At Archie and Veronica's request, Juggy Jones cuts a Disco album in French. It's aimed at getting a foothold for Archie Records in France. When the French session musicians Jug hires don't meet his musical standards, that album becomes an Archies record in everything but name! Members of the band also help Ralfi Chingas record MAMBITO, his own best-selling solo album. This collaboration paves a path for Chingas to resume working with the band again. The only group recording cut in 2010 is a song tribute to British Rock star Cliff Richard called MOVE IT! This isn't an LP but a double-length extended play disc that Archie and Veronica decide not to release. They create the Archie Americana label to market Katz + The Fiddles, Riverdale's most popular Country band. Produced by Chuck Clayton and filled with Cherry Vagina copyrights, NASHVILLE KATZ fails to chart. The critically-acclaimed LP ends up being a one-off release, but it launches The Fiddles on a long and lucrative career.
ARCHIES SINGLES RELEASED
BETWEEN DECEMBER 2009 AND JULY 2011.
2011 - Juggy's French solo album TOUT CE QU'ILS DIRENT DE MOI sells briskly in every French-speaking territory except France! Jug also scores a hit single in Canada, "Connaissez". It's a French translation of "Made In Paris", the same song that Archie released in English. Arch releases another solo single, "Land Of Milk And Honey". It's his only solo effort to make the Top Forty. Reggie officially returns to membership in The Archies, even while planning a second stab at solo stardom. Songwriters Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil see the group perform a medley of their songs in concert. Impressed, they contact Veronica and propose a songbook album. Transsexual Flamenco guitarist Jonniemae becomes The Archies' music director at this time; she is a Ralfi Chingas discovery, and Ralfi returns to produce the Mann-Weil set. However, his in-studio fights with Barry and Cynthia make his disagreements with Roni look tame! This will be the last Archies album he supervises. The songbook sessions are turbulent but well worth the trouble: HITS OF THE SIXTIES yields a pair of chartbusters ("Glitter And Gold", sung by Archie and Trevor and "Love Her!", a star turn for Juggy) and bags a fifth Platinum record for The Archies. With Bree (Sabrina) Spellman as touring music director, the group embarks on what they promise will be their last national tour; it's their most successful concert series to date! Near the end of the tour, they fly to England and cut a duet single with Josie + The Pussy Cats; Betty, Veronica and Pussy Cat drummer Melody share lead vocals. "Stop! And You'll Become Aware" is The Archies' final Top Forty Pop single of the 2010s. Kevin Keller tours with them again as an opening act and revives his Blue-Eyed Soul act with Juggy. However, Veronica has bigger plans for Kelly: She signs him solo to Archie Records and steers him toward a Heavy Metal sound. His cover of an old Pat Benatar number, "My Clone Sleeps Alone" causes a major sensation when released. Promoted by a music video in which Kelly appears nude, it tops the charts!
THE FIRST MAJOR ARCHIE RECORDS
RETROSPECTIVE WILL BE MARKETED
IN SOUTH AMERICA IN 2042.
