ARCHIE vs. DON KIRSHNER: "ANIMATION SITUATION"
Salem Saberhagen presents
THE ARCHIES
How's it hangin', homies? Aquí estoy Salem da Katt, your favorite shape-shifting, lucha libre-wrestling, salsa-dancing drag queen! It's about time I lay the story of the early Archies on you - the boy-AND-girl band that knocked the world on its collective nalga with songs from a Saturday morning cartoon show. “Sugar, Sugar” is the best known, but there were other hits, too, and rarities like a TV special, some unreleased albums and the mad bitchin' soundtrack to a really stank summer movie!
You already know the basic backstory - kids from Riverdale, garage band, college gigs, an audition arranged by the father of Archie's girlfriend, tagged for stardom by Don "Rock Concert" Kirshner, yadda yadda! I'm not gonna bore you with that shit. What I'm bringing is some behind-the-scenes chisme of the "now it can be told" variety, and it's strictly meant for diehard Archies fans! So if you fit that description, grab you a couple of wine coolers and chill, baby, chill.
Now, I wasn't there to witness what I'm about to tell you! In the Eighties, I was still trapped in my feline form, hanging out with my friend Sabrina the Sorceress and passing myself off as her pet gato! Claro, Bree knows The Archies, but she didn't start working with them until the early 2000s. To catch up on my Riverdale Rock history, I had to book a marathon session with Sabrina's magic crystal; it can zero in on any time period. Some people binge-watch "The Sopranos" or "Breaking Bad" - I dig crystal ball gazing!
Qué lástima that everybody can't benefit from sorcerer technology. The program selection for Wiccans, not to mention audio and picture quality is shitloads better than any network, cable, download or streaming service that you mortals have access to! But let me not waste any time: Right now I'm gonna 411 you to what I saw when I conjured up events from the years 1988 to 1992.
T R A P P E D !
. . . IN A ROCK CANDY GROOVE.
"animation situation"
THE YEAR 1988 (PART ONE)
SINGLES SESSIONS
TV SOUNDTRACK SESSIONS
JUNE 4, 6 - 10, 1988
SINGLES SESSIONS
A JEFF BARRY INTERNATIONAL PRODUCTION
A + M STUDIOS,
HOLLYWOOD
MY SHARONA
(BERTON AVERRE, DOUG FIEGER)
- unreleased
IN THE DARK
(BILLY SQUIER)
- unreleased
ROCKET IN MY POCKET
(JIMMY LLOYD, VIC McALPIN)
- unreleased
BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAY
(DORSEY + JOHNNY BURNETTE)
- unreleased
THE ARCHIES
Music Supervisor:
DON KIRSHNER
Arranger/Producer:
JEFF BARRY
Sound Engineer:
BRYANT KARIMATSU
The Archies’ 1988 contract with Calendar Records specified that the owner of the label would be their manager. It was one of the last artists contracts of that kind, which even then were seen as conflicts of interest! Sí claro, the group members had access to legal counsel but for the first and only time, they ignored it: They were eager to get everything that Don Kirshner was capable of giving them! After all, the last Rock Band he'd taken to the top of the charts was The Monkees! As much due to ambition as naiveté, The Archies surrendered their autonomy as artists in order to benefit from his well-deserved reputation as a star maker.
So they started playing that game called Fame, and right away it took a toll on them. Less than a month before their first scheduled record date, The Archies were on the verge of a nervous breakdown! ¡Ay puta! Don Kirshner had axed their music director Dilton Doiley (later known as Tony Briseño) and replaced him with two girls. It helped that the boys knew them both - Veronica was Archie’s novia - but that didn’t make integrating them into the band any easier. Betty didn’t even play an instrument! Jughead had to teach her how to beat a tambourine.
Roni was a competent keyboard player, but babe was such an emotional wreck that she could barely learn her parts: Her filthy rich father had threatened to disinherit her for joining The Archies! Back when he landed the band their audition, she hadn't joined up yet; that happened a few weeks later. Bueno, she was able to talk her Daddykins down, but that took time! So did finding a new music director - Chuck Clayton wouldn’t come on board until late fall. Reggie "Gino" Mantle stepped into the breach for the time being; dude handled all the concert staging, too (a job that he'd keep and excel at).
Jughead had some drama to deal with, too - Don Kirshner was afraid of perros! Dude ordered him to get rid of his beloved bearded collie, Hot Dog. Juggy refused, and Kirshner threatened him: "Drummers can always be replaced!" Ain't nothin' bitch-ass about my man Jug, though: Homeboy stood his ground! He was THE founding member of The Archies, after all, and he knew that the others would back him up - especially Veronica and Betty, who both adored Hot Dog. Besides that, Juggy brought major skills to the band: His expertise on the skins is the kind you don't run across every day!
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Somehow, they managed to hold it all together. That had a lot to do with Jughead and Betty being the kind of level-headed, stay-cool kind of people they’ve always been! Together, they became the spiritual backbone of The Archies, and soon the two of them got together in a personal relationship. Veronica welcomed this development: For several years, her big-busted best friend had been a rival for Archie’s affections! But now, that was pretty much over with.
Per their parents’ wishes, The Archies would do all of their studio and concert work in the summer, on holidays or during school breaks. Their first two national tours were both mounted in August; they wouldn’t start touring during other months until the 21st century. Most of their recording sessions got scheduled in June, July and August; but over a weekend in May 1988, they met Jeff Barry, the producer Don Kirshner had assigned to work with them. Dude invited them to a meet-and-greet at his dope-ass beach house in Santa Barbara; it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
At his first recording session with them, Jeff wasn’t interested in cutting any masters. First he needed to accustom the band to his working methods and suss them out musically. They considered themselves Punk rockers, but in reality they were all over the place: Archie dug Soul music, though he wasn’t as heavy into it as he’d later become. Juggy preferred Jazz. Gino was an Elvis Presley fanatic! When Betty and Veronica joined, they brought Country music and Dance Pop influences in with them, respectively. The Archies also had un poquito de Reggae and Latin Rock influence that their first music director Dilton Doiley had been responsible for; despite his nerdy name, Tony is Chicano!
Jeff got off to a rough start with them, cutting a couple of heavy, bar band-style Rock tunes. That kind of material didn’t show them off at their best; but he and the band found common ground with Rockabilly music. The Ricky Nelson oldie “Believe What You Say” had been in the group’s repertoire almost from the beginning! The track they made of it was good enough to be a master, even though it stayed in the vaults for years; as a result, nearly all of the songs Jeff wrote for the group during their first year as Calendar artists were Rockabilly-influenced.
EARLY JULY 1988
TV SERIES SOUNDTRACK
“THE ARCHIE SHOW”
A JEFF BARRY INTERNATIONAL PRODUCTION
THE CAPITOL TOWER, HOLLYWOOD
EVERYTHING’S ARCHIE
(“ARCHIE” SHOW THEME)
(JEFF BARRY)
- ARCHIES LP
LITTLE GREEN JACKET
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- unreleased version
THIS IS THE NIGHT
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- unreleased version
LOVE LIGHT
(JEFF BARRY)
- single flipside
YOU LITTLE ANGEL, YOU!
(JEFF BARRY)
- South American single
TRUCK DRIVER
(JEFF BARRY)
- single flipside
I’M IN LOVE
(JEFF BARRY)
- ARCHIES LP
SEVENTEEN AIN’T YOUNG
(JEFF BARRY)
- South American single
BOYS AND GIRLS
(JEFF BARRY)
- South American single flipside
BANG-SHANG-A-LANG
(JEFF BARRY)
- single
CATCHIN’ UP ON FUN
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- single flipside
CIRCLE OF BLUE
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- Canadian single
HIDE AND SEEK
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- South American single flipside
RIDE! RIDE! RIDE!
(JEFF BARRY)
- South American single
THE ARCHIES
w/ARTIE KAPLAN’S NEW YORK
Music Supervisor:
DON KIRSHNER
Music Director:
DEAN CHRISTOPHER
Arranger/Producer:
JEFF BARRY
Sound Engineer:
ZACHARY THAXTON
Don Kirshner signed The Archies in April of 1988, exactly one year after the group was founded. By May, dude had clinched a deal to give them a TV show on the Fox network. Sí, an animated cartoon series based on the group! It was a stroke of promotional genius - they didn't need to make music videos because essentially, they BECAME a music video! Not only that, the various editions of the "Archie" show gave the group an enduring Pop culture legacy; syndicated reruns are a form of immortality, after all.
Recording commenced on the TV soundtrack in July. The first record date took place at the world-famous Capitol Tower - that 13-story "stack of wax" located near the intersection of Hollywood and Vine Streets - and so would most subsequent ones. In decades past, Frank Sinatra, Nat "King" Cole, The Beach Boys and Ella Fitzgerald cut sides there. Their platters made history, and so would The Archies' releases - one in particular - but not right away.
Kirshner staffers Ritchie Adams and Mark Barkan were tapped to write all of The Archies' songs before Jeff Barry got involved; they got sidelined because his business contract with Don Kirshner specified that either he or his staff would provide the material. However, several Adams-Barkan tunes did make it into the “Archie” series: “Hide And Seek” and “Catchin’ Up On Fun” were arguably the best! Both would turn up later as single flipsides.
Nothing that Ritchie and Mark wrote could compete with a dope-ass house rocker like “Bang-Shang-A-Lang”, though! Pressed up as the first single, it barreled out of the gate like a toro loco and stormed up the charts! By winter, The Archies had bagged themselves a Top Thirty chart record. Archie and Reggie had been craving a hit for so long, they freaked out when it finally happened. The two of them celebrated at an LA bar and got shit-faced drunk! Then, bless their culitos borrachos, they got into a big bar brawl. Kirshner was so pissed at them, he turned red and wrinkly like an overripe tomate! Dude gave them a strong reprimand, and you’d best believe that Betty and Veronica laid into them, too.
In South America, “Seventeen Ain’t Young” claimed hit status as well; that Rock 'n' Roll bolero was the beginning of a big fan base for The Archies south of the border. During this time, Jeff Barry was a perpetual hit machine, churning out instant classics for Andy Kim, Bobby Bloom, Robin McNamara and other top acts. In earlier years, he’d produced chartbusters for The Dixie Cups, The Shangri-Las, Neil Diamond and most important - The Monkees! Dude had even scored hits as a singing duo with his ex-wife Ellie Greenwich. Jeff was a triple threat, and expectations about what he’d do for The Archies were high.
Per Don Kirshner’s wishes, Archie and Veronica were the designated lead singers. Opportunities for the other group members to vocalize were initially few and far-between! Background harmonies were provided by two of the best session singers in Hollywood: Toni Wine and Ron Dante! Occasionally, Jeff Barry and other background vocalists would join in: Leslie Miller, Merle Miller, Susan Morse and Jamie Carr are a few of the people I saw in Sabrina's crystal. Session musicians were in the picture, too; I’ll tell you about Artie Kaplan’s group in a minute.
MID-JULY 1988
TV SERIES SOUNDTRACK
“THE ARCHIE SHOW”
A JEFF BARRY INTERNATIONAL PRODUCTION
THE CAPITOL TOWER, HOLLYWOOD
TIME FOR LOVE
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- ARCHIES LP
HOT DOG!
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- SUGAR, SUGAR LP
DON’T TOUCH MY GUITAR!
(JEFF BARRY)
- SUGAR, SUGAR LP
KISSIN’
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- SUGAR, SUGAR LP
LA DEE DOO DOWN DOWN
(JEFF BARRY)
- ARCHIES LP
YOU MAKE ME WANNA DANCE
(JEFF BARRY)
- ARCHIES LP
ROCK ‘N’ ROLL MUSIC
(JEFF BARRY)
- SUGAR, SUGAR LP
ONCE IN A LIFETIME
(JEFF BARRY)
- unreleased
THE ARCHIES
w/ARTIE KAPLAN’S NEW YORK
Music Supervisor:
DON KIRSHNER
Music Director:
DEAN CHRISTOPHER
Arranger/Producer:
JEFF BARRY
Sound Engineer:
ZACHARY THAXTON
Artie Kaplan was Don Kirshner’s longtime music contractor for studio dates; they’d been working together at least as far back as the early 1960s. When the Archies project came along, Artie had just lured several of the East Coast’s finest session guys to Los Angeles at Kirshner’s behest. These were the Rock and Jazz veterans who augmented Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead and Gino at their early recording sessions.
Hugh McCracken, Sal Di Troia and Dave Appell were excellent guitarists; all of them could play lead or rhythm and go from electric to acoustic at the drop of a hat. Jeff Barry’s songwriting partner Andy Kim would join them on occasion. Joe Mack and Chuck Rainey certainly taught Gino a thing or two about playing bass! Ron Frangipane was the go-to guy for keyboards, be it piano, organ, xylophone or synthesizer - Roni Lodge could barely keep up with him! Kaplan’s drummers were Buddy Saltzman, Gary Chester and Herbie Lovelle, but dig this: Jughead could match them beat-for-beat. Dude was a stoned bitch on the skins!
Jeff Barry had a big thing for Latin percussion; he helped Betty diversify her percussion skills and can be heard playing maracas, congas and bongós on the tracks along with frequent partner-in-crime Bobby Bloom. Bobby died tragically shortly after The Archies’ Calendar Records heyday ended, but he lived long enough to score some hits of his own, like “Montego Bay.” ¡Qué me gusta esta canción!
Just in case you're wondering: The Dean Christopher who served as music director at early Archies tracking sessions is not the same person as Archie's son - obviously, since Dean Christopher Andrews was born in 2006! However, the younger Dean was named after the elder one - his adopted abuelito! And for a while, Jeff Barry was Dino's adopted great uncle . . . it gets HELLA complicated! But that's a can of worms best left for my homegirl Sabrina to open. Suffice it to say that in 1988, Neither Archie nor Jeff nor Dean had a clue about their future family connection.
As you can see, selections that appeared on two different Archies albums were recorded at the same sessions; but technically speaking, The Archies weren't making albums at this point! They were cutting music for a cartoon soundtrack. That said, their cartoon music was designed to have as much commercial appeal as anything you'd hear on the radio. The unreleased song “Once In A Lifetime" sounded hella commercial to The Illusion, a neo-psychedelic Rock ensemble; Jeff Barry gave them a demo, and they wasted no time tracking their own version! It was the first of many Archies rejects that would be salvaged by other acts.
TV SERIES SOUNDTRACK
“THE ARCHIE SHOW”
A JEFF BARRY INTERNATIONAL PRODUCTION
A + M STUDIOS, HOLLYWOOD
DO THE HAMBURGER HOP
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE VERONICA WALK
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE BANANA SPLIT
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE MILK SHAKE
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE BETTY
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE FLY BALL
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- discarded
DO THE DRAG
(RITCHIE ADAMS, MARK BARKAN)
- unreleased
DO THE TOUCHDOWN
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE ANGEL
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE GRUNDY
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE SURFER
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE STICK SHIFT
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE ROCKET SHIP
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE WEATHERBEE
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE INDIAN
(JEFF BARRY)
- unreleased
DO THE JUGHEAD
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE BEANIE
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
DO THE BUBBLEGUM
(JEFF BARRY)
- FUNHOUSE CD
THE ARCHIES
Music Supervisor:
DON KIRSHNER
Music Director:
DEAN CHRISTOPHER
Arranger/Producer:
JEFF BARRY
Sound Engineer:
BRYANT KARIMATSU
Don Kirshner always wanted more seasoned musicians in the studio to support The Archies; hence, Artie Kaplan and his vatos! However, for these minute-long dance numbers, Jeff Barry favored a raw garage-band sound. Recalling his first record date with Archie, Jughead, Reggie, Veronica and Betty, he knew they were fully equipped to supply it. Dude gave the New York musicians a few days off, and then he and The Archies got down to tracking some stone-cold butt rockers!
Archie remembered these Dance Rock sessions as his favorites. They proved so popular with TV viewers, they were recycled for all three seasons of the cartoon series. None of them were released at the time, but in the mid-1990s, Don Kirshner licensed a few to K-Tel Music for a mail-order compilation. ¡Ay puta! That FUNHOUSE CD sounded like shit, it was so poorly mastered! All the same, it's become like the Holy Grail of Archies collectors!
In August 1989, Kirshner gave The Archies a tour of Filmation Studios, where the TV series was produced. Jughead brought Hot Dog along for the tour, and the animators fell in love with him! They followed him around with sketch pads and then ran back to their drawing boards, eager to incorporate the shaggiest shaggy dog who ever lived into the show! As a booty-shakin' cartoon canine, Hot Dog ended up demonstrating the majority of what became known as "The Archie Dances."
The TV series scored a smash hit right from the jump! In the space of only six months, The Archies went from one of countless regional bar bands to the hottest property in the music business. Don Kirshner damn sure worked his magic for them: They had new members, a new look, a single on the radio, a CD about to drop and a fucking TV series to boot! The group's career trajectory pointed straight up; they were riding that Rock star elevator and getting ready to punch a higher floor!
ARCHIE'S BITCHIN' SUMMER TOUR
June 1989
Albuquerque NM - The Pit
Denver CO - The Fillmore
Salt Lake City UT - Huntsman Center
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ARCHIE vs. DON KIRSHNER:
