WEEZY NELSON . . .
. . . A HOMICIDE DETECTIVE WHO VERY MUCH TAKES HER WORK PERSONALLY! HER BROTHER, FOLK SINGER LOVER RAMOS, WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED GANGLAND STYLE! LOVER'S EX-SINGING PARTNER NICHOLAS FREUND HAS GANGLAND TIES; HE WAS CONVICTED OF BEING AN ACCESSORY TO THE CRIME AND IMPRISONED. HOWEVER, HE'S BACK ON THE STREETS AFTER HAVING HIS SENTENCE REDUCED. NEW MURDERS ARE BEING COMMITTED, AND WEEZY THINKS NICKY IS RESPONSIBLE! DESPITE A LACK OF EVIDENCE, CAN SHE TRACE THE CRIMES BACK TO HIM AND PERMANENTLY END HIS KILLING SPREE? OR IS NICKY INNOCENT? HAS WEEZY'S HATRED FOR HIM THROWN HER OFF THE TRAIL OF THE REAL KILLER?
POP CULTURE CANTINA
presents
A MARVELOUS LIE PRODUCTION
"THE SMOKE STACK MURDERS"
A Novelette in Six Parts
featuring the Songs of
SMOKEY ROBINSON
CONCLUSION
"I'll Be Doggone"
THE TIME: THE YEAR 2063
(with flashbacks to the early 1990s)
THE PLACES: NEW YORK CITY and NASHVILLE
THE NARRATOR: MARGYEE WENZEL
News that a second murder had been committed at the Apollo Theater - and that a famous comedian had committed the first one - sparked a media frenzy! Not only was there saturation coverage in New York City, it was a headline story all over the world. Long before police investigators finished their work, more security guards had to be hired; the building was besieged by gawkers, souvenir hunters and thrill seekers! Teenagers tried to sneak into the theatre and access the crime scenes.
Smokey Robinson songs had been performed on both nights when the murders happened, so some not-so-clever tabloid writer started talking about the "Smoke-Stax" murders. How the hell could he confuse a Motown Records tribute with a Stax Records tribute? Maybe the dummkopf thought Black-owned indie labels in the Sixties were interchangeable?
That name made no sense at all, but it caught on and kept getting repeated. Over time, it evolved into “Smoke Stack Murders”. Smokey Robinson couldn't have been happy about his music being linked to homicide! I heard every songwriter tribute performance except the one by Bootsy's Rubber Band, and they were all excellent. That’s what that week of May 27th, 1990 should’ve been remembered for; instead, those great shows were superseded by lurid news coverage. I guess that’s why The Apollo never had another Motown Festival.
When I returned to the theater after being hospitalized, I went back to the dressing room where I’d been held captive. I saw that the police had taken all of Hudson’s belongings away, so I gathered my own stuff together. Jughead came in to help me and Hot Dog was there, too. Puppy put a smile back on my face, God rest his shaggy soul . . .
When we finished packing up, I went by myself to check on Toni Topaz; she was still pretty shaken up from Windsor Joy’s murder. Toni left the Apollo Theater the following year to launch a successful career as a choreographer. Eventually, she'd emulate Paula Abdul and transform herself into a Pop diva! Born in Jamaica, the vivacious singer, dancer and actress was destined to become The Archies' final new member.
It was nearly time for the group to leave town. I bid auf wiedersehen to Juggy, Archie, Betty, Veronica, Deanie and Chuck; that was the last time I saw all of them together in one place. “I’m going to have good memories of this old theater,” Betty said as she gave me a hug, “but with a murderer on the loose, honey, I can’t get out of here fast enough!” Her bandmates were just as eager to go, but Geraldine Grundy had to stay for the inquest; that's because she'd discovered Hudson's body. Chuck Clayton was staying behind, too, so that she wouldn’t be alone.
On my way out of the Apollo, I made a detour so that I could walk past the taped-off crime scene. I was still processing the reality of being liberated from Hudson Beecher’s cruelty; I'd had to deal with it for too long! Also, I couldn’t stop wondering: Who had done her in? It must've been someone she had wronged that I didn’t know about; but I owed a debt to whoever it was. That person had saved my life!
The police investigation revealed everything about Nicky Álvarez that he’d tried to hide: His criminal record, his real name and his true relationship to Glammus Vidal. Regrettably, Glammus’s biological gender was also revealed! That was the reason Hudson Beecher had been blackmailing her. There were consequences for both father and daughter: Nicky lost his job as Apollo bandleader, both for lying on his résumé and for failing to divulge that Glammus was his daughter when he helped her get hired as MC.
The Apollo’s management didn’t hold his deception against her, though, and they didn’t care that she was transsexual, either. Glammus had the kind of star quality that you couldn't ignore! Nicky encouraged her to stay on, and she remained an Apollo employee for a year or so. Ultimately, she decided to leave New York City to try her luck in Hollywood.
However, it was still the 20th century, and back then Tinseltown wasn’t so understanding of gender diversity or welcoming to gender-diverse talent! Glammus did find work here and there, but she never achieved the successful movie career she’d dreamed about. Fortunately, many doors have opened for transsexual actors since then!
As for her father, The Apollo Theater may have had no further use for him but The Archies did. During rehearsals for the Motown Festival, they’d bonded strongly with Nicky; Archie and Veronica in particular. When they heard about his job loss, they contacted him and inquired about his future plans. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do," he replied. "Right now, I just want to spend time with my daughter. She's been through a lot!"
When Nicky told them he had no immediate plans to continue in music, Arch had a suggestion: "Why don’t you go into artist management, then? You’d be great! Most managers are lawyers or corporate dudes who have zero rapport with musicians. We’ve got one of those now, and he’s a total pain in the ass!”
Veronica thought it was a great idea but Nicky was hesitant. “It’s flattering that the two of you feel that way", he protested, "but I don’t have any experience in that area. I wouldn’t know what to do!” Roni corrected him: “You don’t know now, Nicky, but you will know! Just leave the training to me.”
There’s nothing like a woman with connections, especially when it's a rich and powerful, take-charge woman like Veronica Lodge! Within days, Roni had arranged for Nicholas to apprentice at Cabot Management, one of the best talent agencies in the country. Nicky proved to be a hard worker and a quick study. Even so, his apprenticeship lasted for two years, and by the time it was finished The Archies had broken up!
In 1992, the band's creative differences with Don Kirshner reached a breaking point. They decided to buy out the remainder of their recording and management contract; but without Kirshner's strong direction, The Archies floundered. "We never intended to go our separate ways", Betty told me later, "but that's what happened."
Nicholas Freund moved to Nashville in 1993 and took on several Country music artists as clients. They included some of the biggest stars of that era: Trisha Yearwood, Shenandoah, Lee Ann Womack and Ty Herndon. Nicky was well on his way to becoming a big wheel on Nashville's Music Row; but when The Archies reformed in the year 2000, Veronica called on him again. Much to the regret of his all-star client roster, he dropped them all in order to devote full time to his benefactor!
Roni gave Nicky the faux gangster nickname "Big Nipsy", which he decided to use professionally. "A whimsical reference to Mafia ties certainly can't hurt when it comes to negotiating contracts," he joked. "Besides, it's no use trying to run away from my past." Under the management of Nicholas "Big Nipsy" Freund, The Archies became a gigantisch super group, selling out huge venues and racking up Gold and Platinum discs galore! As their occasional studio music director, Nicky helped them cut a few of those hits, too. He lived up to Archie and Veronica's expectations and then some.
Those two were excellent judges of human potential; they also predicted my success as a comedian. Archie urged me to stop writing for other people, and it was the best advice I ever got! In 1991, I launched my solo career and began a slow but steady climb up the ladder of success.
I played Zanie's Comedy Club in Nashville while Nicky was living down there. One night he was in the audience and after the show, he came backstage. We had a long talk and really got to know each other. He'd just returned from Massachusetts, where he visited Geraldine Grundy at her music school in Haverhill.
The old friends had a lot of catching up to do, having missed the opportunity to do so during the Motown Festival. "When she arrived at The Apollo, Deanie recognized me as Nicholas Freund, just like Hudson Beecher had done," he revealed. "When she called me by my real name, I played dumb! I'm ashamed of having done that, but I was determined to leave my early life behind. Not that I wanted to leave her friendship along with it, but I didn't think I had any choice."
He and Deanie sat down to do some musical reminiscing. "In the late Sixties, Geraldine Grundy was Riverdale's answer to Judy Collins," he recalled, "and she had a much bigger following than Freund and Lover did; but she liked to work with us on stage. We used to appear together at Folk music clubs up in Cambridge: Deanie, Lover Ramos and I. At my suggestion, we sang some of the old songs; I guess I was trying to recapture that past I'd been running from for so long.
"So, we were harmonizing to 'The Love I Saw In You Was Just A Mirage'. That was a Smokey Robinson ballad that Deanie adapted for performing on acoustic guitar; it was one of her most popular numbers. All of a sudden, I began to cry! She said it was because I had never properly grieved Lover's death. Maybe I hadn't! All I know is, I felt that a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders."
AFTER THEIR 1990 MOTOWN FESTIVAL
APPEARANCE, THE WELL OF HIT
SINGLES BEGAN TO RUN DRY
FOR THE KIRSHNER-
ERA ARCHIES
Nicky opened up to me about his real background. Just like me, he has an extended family with more than its share of visual and performing artists! Among other well-known people, it includes Country Rock queen Linda Ronstadt and Latin Pop diva Gloria Estefan! So Hudson was wrong about Nicky not having any Hispanic heritage, but not about his Mafia birthright.
Nicky's grandfather was the notorious Cool Papa Freund, head of a vast New England crime syndicate! Gangland families protect their own, so when a pre-transition Hudson fingered Nicky as the likely murderer of Lover Ramos, she put herself in danger of mob retaliation! Nicky personally asked the Freund "enforcers" to leave Hud Beecher alone.
"I didn't want witness intimidation or worse on my conscience", he told me. "Besides, I was strictly into music; I've never been involved with anything shady! When I launched my career, I used my own resources, not my family’s influence.” Ironically, it was Lover Ramos who ended up getting involved with organized crime: Drug smuggling! And Nicky found out about it.
“I withheld evidence from the Feds so that Lover’s family wouldn’t be shamed and his memory sullied,” he admitted, “and that’s why I ended up going to prison as an accessory to murder! The high-powered attorney that Grandpa hired got my sentence reduced; but after I was released, I learned what it meant to be an ex-convict suspected of a Mafia killing: Nobody wanted to hire me! I faced having to go to work for my family in order to earn a living.” Rather than do that, he distanced himself from the Freunds more than ever by adopting a new identity and starting his music career all over again.
As to who killed Lover Ramos, Nicky never even suspected Hudson: “Lover hinted that he was planning to double-cross the gangsters he was dealing with, and I desperately warned him not to! But he just wouldn’t listen; by then, our personal relationship had ended. When he turned up dead, I was devastated but not surprised. I knew that Mafia hit men had done him in!”
Nicky still thought so: "The Hud Beecher I knew was definitely evil, but not crazy!" He refused to believe she had anything to do with Lover's death, but that didn't mean he considered her innocent of wrongdoing. "I never did trust Hud," Nicky declared. "She was a bad influence on Lover, and I've long suspected that Freund and Lover's fan club president had a Mafia entanglement of her own. What if it finally caught up to Hudson Beecher . . . backstage at the Apollo Theater? That's my guess as to why she was killed."
I agreed with Nicky; I told him that was as good an explanation as any, and then I changed the subject. However, if I'd wanted to, I could have shot down his mob hit theory - if you'll pardon my provocative choice of words! I didn’t tell him what I found that day at The Apollo, when I went back to look at the murder scene.
Just inside of the taped line, I saw something gleam in the half-light; it was partially obscured by a stage curtain. I reached down and picked it up: A gold guitar pick on a chain! Hudson’s necklace, the one with the word “Lover” engraved on the back. The one she took from Lover Ramos! I knew it well because that was always the last thing she put on when I dressed her for the stage. But then I realized I was wrong: This wasn’t Hudson’s necklace. For one thing, the chain link was broken. For another, there was a different name engraved on this pick: "Luisa". How had the police missed seeing it?
A loud noise startled me, and the broken necklace dropped from my hand. I turned to see Hot Dog looking up at me. His sudden bark had taken me off guard! "You've got to stop following me around, liebchen," I scolded. "Jughead is probably looking for you right now!" Before I could retrieve the necklace, puppy grabbed it in his mouth and bounded off! I ran after him, but of course, he outdistanced me. He seemed to know where he was going, and it wasn't back to Juggy.
I turned a corner in time to see him approach Police Detective Weezy Nelson. I hadn't realized that she was still there; however, she was lead investigator for both of the Apollo murders, so it made sense for her to still be hanging around. Hot Dog drew up on his haunches with the necklace hanging from his teeth. He was returning it! That necklace must’ve belonged to her. Hudson did tell me she was Lover Ramos's sister. There must've been two gold guitar picks, then: One engraved with his name, and another with hers!
When Detective Nelson bent down to take the necklace, I saw the expression on her face. It froze my blood! There was a mixture of rage and terror in her eyes; and she was furious at Hot Dog! “¡Perro maldito!” she hissed, striking him hard on his snout. “Get the fuck away from me! ¡Váyate! And don’t you dare come near me again!” The poor sheepdog ran off crying, and the detective hurried away in the opposite direction, stuffing that necklace into her jacket pocket. She glanced fearfully over her shoulder but she didn't see me; I was standing in the shadows.
Her reaction stunned me; why would the dog bringing her necklace back make Weezy Nelson react so savagely? She should've been glad to have it. Then another question flashed in my mind: What was she doing when she lost it? Almost immediately, I knew the answer: The police said Hudson had struggled with someone just before she died . . . she must have grabbed at Weezy’s neck chain! That’s how it broke! And Hot Dog saw it all happen!
PROMO FOR THE FIRST MANTEQUILLA ALBUM,
A BRISEÑO-MACK PRODUCTION FEATURING
LEAD VOCALS BY DILTON DOILEY
BRISEÑO
EPILOGUE
"The One Who Really Loves You"
There was no need for Nicky to know about that broken necklace. I didn’t tell him how Hudson Beecher admitted killing Lover Ramos and stealing the guitar pick off his body. I didn’t tell him how I'd come to believe that Hudson’s murder confession was overheard through that cracked-open wardrobe door; and I didn’t tell him what I saw when Hot Dog returned the necklace to its rightful owner, Luisa Ramos Nelson.
I’ve never told anybody these things until now. My evidence is circumstantial, so why go to the police with accusations that probably can't be proved? Besides, does it really matter after all these years? Everyone concerned in the case they call “The Smoke Stack Murders” is long dead now, and frankly, I do think justice was served. I believe in the death penalty, and Hudson deserved it for her horrible crimes! Who had more right to carry out that sentence than the sister of her first victim?
I prefer to focus on good things that happened at the 1990 Motown Festival. That show yielded several lasting romances: Jughead got engaged to Betty the following year, and they married up in 1992. Two years later, Archie and Veronica tied the knot. I attended both nuptials; Arch and Roni's were the most elaborate but Jug and Betty's were the most fun! L'chaim! There's nothing like a Jewish wedding when the in-laws get a little tipsy! Unfortunately, their marriage didn't last but they stayed on the best of terms with each other. Betty even attended Juggy's wedding to Toni Topaz in 2022!
Chuck Clayton and Deanie Grundy were also a couple. I don't think they ever got married, but shortly after they appeared at The Apollo they went public with their secret relationship. Their May/December romance had been blossoming ever since Chuck was Deanie's star music student at Riverdale High School! Not that they acted on it back then. It took years for that love to burst into full bloom, but after it did they shared a deep bond that lasted until his unfortunate early death in the year 2035.
The most surprising relationship to come out of that show involved someone who wasn't there. As I told you, Jazz guitarist Rod Mack established an ongoing relationship with The Archies and played on several of their recording sessions. At a date for their last studio album, recorded in 2031, Rod met up with Dilton Doiley Briseño. Dilton had started sitting in on Archies sessions toward the end of their Kirshner period, and after the group reformed in 2000, his input into their music increased. He co-produced several hit singles and albums for them.
Both Rod and Dilton worked sessions for Archie Records but somehow, they'd never worked together. They'd never even met! When they finally did, a strong mutual admiration sprung up between them. Then they became friends, and Rod confided that he wanted to break into the production end of the music business. Dilton suggested that they form a partnership. The first Briseño-Mack credit appeared on a Rod Mack solo album (his last). It wasn't a hit, but their next project was: A studio group called Mantequilla, whose début album dropped in 2034. The partners followed up with a string of Latin Pop smashes. Along the way, their business relations turned personal and they fell in love! I know all this because I kept in touch with Rod over the years.
"One night we were mixing tracks for a rapper named Iron-Fist Boricua," Rod told me, "and the next thing we knew, Tony was laying naked in a dungeon sling and I was fisting him . . . it seemed to happen just that fast! But we're not just a BDSM couple, we're best friends; and what's better than making music with the man you love? I can't imagine feeling any happier than I do now." So, just like Chuck and Deanie, and Archie and Veronica, Rod Mack and Dilton Doiley Briseño became soulmates for life! That's why I remember The Apollo Theater as a love nest rather than a house of horrors - a love nest with a lover's serenade of superb Smokey Robinson songs.
There's a reason why I've led you on this lengthy trip down memory lane. For the 75th anniversary of The Archies' first recording session, their Motown Festival concert is finally going to get a legitimate release! Reissue label Vox Sound + Image has asked me to contribute to their deluxe album package; that's one of the perks of being a comedy legend! These festival memories that I’ve jotted down will be condensed and edited into liner notes. However, I’m going to preserve the full text for my memoirs, which I’m in the process of writing.
THE 2065 COMPILATION ARCHIE SINGS
SOUL WILL BE THE FIRST LEGITIMATE
ALBUM TO FEATURE MOTOWN
FESTIVAL RECORDINGS
Sadly, Margyee Wenzel won't live to complete her memoirs; she will die in late 2063. The Vox album will be delayed but released as a compilation two years later. Due to licensing problems, only three Motown Festival tracks are featured; and one of them, "Archie's Motown Medley" appears in a heavily edited version. Fans eager to hear the Apollo concert in its entirety are disappointed with Archie Sings Soul, and sales are tepid!
Four decades will pass, during which time The Walt Disney Company acquires The Archies' music catalog from Vox. Finally in the year 2165, exactly 100 years after the release of Archie Sings Soul, the complete Archie @ The Apollo recordings and Margyee's liner notes will see light of day! They'll be included in a vinyl box set that collects all of the band's LP recordings for the Kirshner label.
Until that time, the bootleg album Smoke Stack will weather over a dozen new pressings and survive all attempts to pull it off the market. It's destined to become one of The Archies' most famous recordings, and its popularity will never wane!
"THE SMOKE STACK MURDERS"
A MARVELOUS LIE PRODUCTION
starring
THE ARCHIES
ARCHIE ANDREWS
CHUCK CLAYTON
BETTY COOPER
JUGGY JONES
VERONICA LODGE
with
NICHOLAS FREUND
GERALDINE GRUNDY
TONI TOPAZ
featuring Jughead's pet
HOT DOG
introducing
HUDSON BEECHER
ROD MACK
WEEZY NELSON
GLAMMUS VIDAL
and
MARGYEE WENZEL
special cameo appearances by
WANDA SYKES
and
CLAUDETTE ROBINSON
THE FIRST LADY OF MOTOWN
Music Consultation by TARQUIN GARRISON
Story Concept by MICHAEL V. SKEEN
Text by HAMPTON JACOBS
Costumes by HENRIETTA la del BARRIO
in the design style of BOYD CLOPTON
Art by STUFFED ANIMAL
This mock screenplay is dedicated to
William "Smokey" Robinson
Thanks to MARGIE WENZIL, MIMOZA VREKA,
JUDY PARISELLA and RODERICK MACK!
Special thanks to DARYL HALL and JOHN OATES
for additional inspiration.