MOVE IT ON THE BACKBEAT!
JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS IN LONDON
DÉNOUEMENT
PART FOUR:
LONG AGO TOMORROW
It is roughly a month after that terrifying experience. I want to believe it was all a bad dream, but what I’m hearing now confirms that it wasn’t! I’m at the Cabot estate in Chelsea. Alexandra Cabot reclines in a chaise longue on the veranda of the house. She still looks unwell but much improved from how she looked in . . . in that place.
Her brother Alex and I are sitting in lounge chairs opposite her; we’re all having morning tea. Xandi is explaining, as best she can, the hellish ordeal we three had shared just weeks earlier. “We don’t belong in this time period, none of us,” she says haltingly. “You both realize that by now, don’t you? All of us but Greg James came here from the early twenty-first century.”
“'Here' meaning England in the early 1960s," Lex clarifies. "But how the fucking hell did we get here? You say that we were transported to this time and place by supernatural means. How did that happen, and who was responsible?” As Xandi replies, she suppresses a shudder. “The person responsible was a woman named Carmen Serna. She was an Adept in the art of what we would call Voodoo, or Santería. As you know, I myself dabbled in that art as a young woman.”
Actually, I know very little about this part of Alexandra’s life. As she explains it, she experimented with different religions as many young people do. Drawn to Santería lore because it figured into her family’s Hispanic background, she made an astounding discovery. “My cat Sebastian descended from a feline who’d been a living Voodoo Totem centuries ago,” she tells me. ”When I realized that he possessed the same iconic status, I couldn’t resist tapping into the powers embodied within him! I did so off and on for several years until my friend Sabrina warned me how much danger I was placing myself in. I stopped practicing Santería around 1978.”
Pausing for a sip of tea, she continues: “Bree Spellman was a master of Wicca, something that we and just a few others knew about. She told me all about Carmen Serna, but I never imagined that I would meet her, much less be impersonated by her!” A bewildered Lex shakes his head. “I don’t understand. How could I ever have mistaken her for you? I now remember a woman with red hair, sharp cheekbones and cold blue eyes. She didn’t look anything like you . . . or me! Yet somehow I accepted her as my twin sister, and Foxie did, too.” I nod in agreement. Xandi manages a weak smile. “Don’t blame yourselves. Carmen was such a master of hypnotism, she could’ve made you believe Kanye West was Taylor Swift if she’d wanted to; but her powers over time and location were far more dangerous than her illusions.”
GREG JAMES AND THE PUSSY CATS GO
THEIR SEPARATE WAYS.
I open my mouth to say something, but Xandi stops me with a motion of her hand. “Let me get this out,” she pleads. “I may not retain this knowledge for very much longer! Carmen Serna had an insane vendetta against Sabrina. Twice before she tried to kill her and her friends by hurling them back across decades. She used hypnotism to make them forget who they really were, and then she imposed false identities on them. This allowed her to manipulate people like pieces on a chessboard. Carmen staged a rigged game of chess that she thought she couldn’t lose - but everyone else involved paid a terrible price!”
Overcome by emotion, Xandi pauses, closes her eyes for a moment and then begins speaking again: “Fortunately, Sabrina uncovered her schemes and thwarted her both times. Yet Bree couldn’t prevent the death of her dear friend Fawn Ethel Mason - you knew her as Big Ethel. Carmen caused it, and had to be brought to justice! But doing that wouldn't be easy. Bree hatched a scheme to beat the Voodoo priestess at her own time travel game, and she enlisted my help. Using nothing but her own formidable power of illusion, she fooled Carmen into believing that she was me. Then she submerged her in a fantasy world set in the late 1950s. The idea was to entrap her, but Carmen saw through the ruse early on. She turned the tables on Sabrina!”
Alexandra takes another sip from her teacup before continuing: “Carmen kidnapped and tortured me! For five years, she held me prisoner in her inter-dimensional lair while she assumed my identity. Sebastian was her prisoner, too; his mystical powers were essential to her plan but Carmen found that she couldn’t hypnotize him. He alone recognized her as an impostor, which made him dangerous! However, as a living Voodoo Totem he was far too valuable to kill.
"Bending Sebastian’s will to hers was a constant struggle, but using drugs, she gained enough control over him to fashion a potent Voodoo spell like never before. That hex transported Sabrina, the two of you, Josie, Melody, Valerie and Greg here, to the British Isles, at the dawn of Rock ‘n’ Roll. You became British versions of your true selves, and Bree was brainwashed to believe that she, a woman, was the famous songwriter Burt Bacharach!
PUSSY CATS ALBUM RELEASES
1974 - 2014.
“Then Carmen began committing the horrendous London Lizzie murders. They always coincided with Bree Spellman’s visits to England (several of which took place before she met The Pussy Cats.) Carmen hypnotically induced Bree’s periodic blackouts and even went so far as to plant bloody clothing in her luggage. Then she traveled to Nashville in order to stage a killing in the city where Bree lived; Carmen was there at the same time that you were. Do you understand? The only reason those wealthy men died was so that she could hang the blame on Sabrina!” I hear myself gasp; this revelation is so shocking, I find it all but incomprehensible! But the shocks don’t end there.
“Two years ago”, Xandi tells us, “poor Priscilla Potts stumbled onto evidence that Carmen was the killer, so she had to be silenced. The Voodoo Adept murdered her, too, and successfully made it look like suicide! That story about Pepper being a tortured transsexual was entirely fabricated.”
Xandi’s voice caught in a sob. “Pepper was ritually strangled as a sacrifice to the Santería god Baron Criminel, also known as Baron Samedi,” she whispered, ”and that’s what she intended for you as well! But the spirit of Sabrina stopped her; by murdering Bree, she sealed her own fate! Death breaks hypnotic spells.
"As her soul lay suspended between this world and the next, Bree reclaimed her memory. By means of sorcery, still powerful even though she was no longer alive, she drew Carmen into the spirit world where they could fight on equal footing; and when she won that fight, our lives were saved.” Lex guffaws loudly. “Come on, Sis! Do you mean to have us believe that we were rescued by the ghost of Bree Spellman?”
Xandi regards her twin brother with some annoyance. “How can you doubt it? All religions engage with the spirit world; Wicca and Santería are no different. Foxie saw Sabrina and Carmen’s spirits do battle on the ceiling of the Realm of Living Death! When they both departed this mortal realm it was up to me, using Sebastian as a mystic conduit, to get us all out of that awful cavern." She begins to sob. "Before she crossed over to the other side, Bree’s final act of sorcery was to open a path for us back to this dimension. It was also Sebastian’s final act; the tremendous strain killed him!”
Alexandra’s story is so long and complex, let me attempt to summarize some of it: During their first confrontation, Sabrina had destroyed Carmen’s physical form. Her evil spirit had subsequently taken over the body of Tara Nation Faws, a recently-deceased Santería acolyte. Using Tara as her zombie, Carmen attacked Sabrina a second and then a third time. She ultimately lost her life doing so, but not before shooting her hated enemy to death!
That murder left Bree’s spirit without a host. "Carmen's black magic blocked Bree from reanimating a corpse as she had done," Xandi believes. I blanch at the memory of us interacting with the corpse of Tara Nation Faws; and merciful heavens! Greg James actually slept with her!
When Sabrina was found dead, she had a bloody hatchet clutched in her hand. Bobbies retrieved enough circumstantial evidence, planted by Carmen, to identify her as the elusive London Lizzie! In the 21st century, Bree had earned a reputation as a celebrated record producer and writer of movie soundtrack scores; now those achievements have been erased. Instead, she’ll be remembered as an insane serial killer! Could revenge be any more vindictive?
JOSIE AND THE PUSSY CATS
SING BACHARACH: A 1964
DOUBLE-DISC FRENCH
COMPILATION.
Alexandra recounts Carmen Serna’s activities in great detail - it’s fortunate that she remembers so much - but her brother demands still more. “You haven’t explained everything,” Lex protests. “In the 2020s, we were all elderly; why are we young now? Why are we still here in the past? And how is it that Josie + The Pussy Cats are alive? In the time period we come from, they’re all dead! And Greg James died before they did, in 1998. Why is he with us?”
His sister leans back on her chaise and closes her eyes again. “Sabrina could only do so much from beyond the grave; she couldn’t send us back to the time period we came from. As for your other questions,” she sighs, “I can’t answer them. I just don’t know! Maybe Josie, Valerie, Melody and Greg are alive now because we’re living in the early Sixties, long before any of them passed away.”
Opening her eyes, Alexandra abruptly leans forward. “I had to tell you what I knew while I still could. I can feel the knowledge of what happened to us fading from my memory! I assume that’s true for you, too?” We nod. “We’re going to forget that Bree Spellman wasn’t the real hatchet murderer,” she predicted. “We’ll forget that we ever thought she was Burt Bacharach. We’ll go back to believing that we belong here in the early Sixties and that we’re British instead of American.”
“So,” I dare to ask, “are we trapped in this time period . . . forever?” Solemnly, Xandi confirms my worst fear. “Sabrina is the only one who could send us back, and she’s dead! Bree did all that she could to help us before she . . .” Xandi then bursts into tears again, and this time her whole body is given over to great, heaving sobs! Reliving this awful narrative has been too much for her. As gently as I can, I pick her up off the chaise and carry her upstairs to her bedroom.
SABRINA THE SORCERESS:
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN!
It’s all I can do to keep myself from sobbing! How does one accept such a sobering reality? After I return to the veranda, Lex and I sit for a long time without speaking. I break the silence with a declaration: “There’s no point in feeling sorry for ourselves, is there? We’ve got to follow the British custom and keep a stiff upper lip. I, for one feel grateful. I’m getting an extension on life!”
I decide that it’s time for a shocking revelation of my own. “Back in the time period we came from,” I tell Lex, “I’d been diagnosed with terminal cancer.” He stares at me in utter disbelief. “It’s true,” I insist. “I never told anyone else about it; I was probably weeks away from death. But would you believe I feel better now than I have in years? My doctor here in London has confirmed that I’m in excellent health. No cancer anywhere! It’s nothing less than a bloody miracle!
“As for Josie, Valerie and Melody,” I add, “they’re walking around in a permanent state of astonishment. Can you imagine how over the moon they must feel to be alive again? And Josie can scarcely look at her son without crying tears of joy.
"The last time she saw Greg, he was on his deathbed, wasting away in the final stages of AIDS. Now he’s a strapping young man again, as full of life as can be! What’s more, he’s enjoying a career as a performer that he hardly could’ve dreamed of before." Lex nods. "And it’s as if there never was a rift between mother and son. The incredible nature of Josie’s reunion with Greg makes it all the more sweet; they’re closer than ever!”
When Bree Spellman was named as London Lizzie, Fleet Street wasted no time drawing the public’s attention to her arranger credits on Pussy Cats singles. The tabloids are running wild with daft speculations; we’re being subjected to headlines like Pussy Cats Connected to Hatchet Killer! and Lizzie’s Lady Rockers: What Did They Know And When Did They Know It? Even though the notoriety has triggered a spike in record sales - a belated Triumph single pairing “Long Ago Tomorrow” with “The Miracle Of Saint-Marie” is nudging the Top Ten even as I speak - this is hardly the sort of fame a Pop group craves! My staff and I are laser-focused on distancing the girls from Carmen Serna’s hideous crimes.
Triumph RGM 701
LONG AGO TOMORROW
featuring VAL/
THE MIRACLE OF SAINT-MARIE
featuring GREG*
JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS
AN RGM SOUND PRODUCTION
*A CABOT TWINS PRODUCTION
June 1962, double-sided Top Ten hit
We’ve decided to have our cake and eat it, too. Greg James is going to embark on a solo career after all, but he’ll appear with Josie’s band periodically. With Val as primary lead singer, The Pussy Cats are in the process of reinventing themselves. The furore over their links to Bree Spellman will die down, and when it does they’ll have a new look, a new label, a new production team and brand new material.
Sabrina won’t be remembered as an identity thief, though that’s small consolation. Xandi told us that it was also part of Carmen’s plan to smear Sabrina with an impostor scandal; but when she died, any and all evidence that she had passed herself off as Burt Bacharach disappeared. Aside from recording early versions of his hit compositions, Josie + The Pussy Cats never had any relationship with Mr. Bacharach and probably never will! Serial killer scandal is enough to make him keep his distance from us; but given our success with his material, why did he do so in the past? Rumor has it that he couldn't bear Joe Meek’s gimmick-laden productions of his songs!
PUSSY CATS IN PARIS!
Arguably, Greg James is the one who’ll be most negatively affected by Mr. Bacharach’s aloofness, but Lex has big plans for him. He’s signed Greg to British Decca, which means he’ll be selling off Triumph Records. Joe Meek has already divested from the label and hopes to launch one of his own. I’ve sold out, too, and I just signed The Pussy Cats to a new contract with Barclay Records in France. Quincy Jones is a colleague of CEO Eddie Barclay, and he wants to produce the girls! After finalizing some paperwork, Josie, Valerie, Melody and I are headed to Paris for a total career reboot; we’re all rather excited about it.
Taking Greg’s place on our trip across the Channel will be Myrna Munro; she's quit sewing G-strings at The Fish ‘n’ Chips and is finally coming to work for us full-time! Myrna's a woman of few words, but Melly assures me that her aunt relishes the chance to start over: “Sure and she’s gonna become a famous costumer, just like Edith Head in Hollywood. Auntie told me she's always longed for that!”
Josie is still reticent to part with Greg. He’s her son, after all, and you’d never meet a woman with a stronger maternal instinct than she’s got. “We’ve gone a long journey together, he and I”, she told me, ”through bad times and good, and in two different time periods! How can I let go of him? I’m not ready for the journey to end. For all of his grown-up ways, Greg is still just a boy!”
I took her hands in mine and spoke earnestly: “He’s spread his wings and is ready to fly alone. They’re strong wings, thanks to you; but isn't it your turn now? You and Melly and Val. You’ve already blazed a trail for women in Rock ‘n’ Roll; now let’s see how far you can go without having to stand in Greg James’ shadow.”
“It’s a fresh start for all of us,” Lex agrees. “What I get out of it is more time with sweet Valerie, the love of my life; we're getting married in Paris as soon as I can get away. So, bugger it all for a lark! There’s nothing for us to do now but . . . live. We’re young adults again, and there’s nothing wrong with that for damn sure.” He bolts from his chair and takes my arm. “We’d better go now or we’ll be late for The Pussy Cats’ appearance with Greg on the BBC.”
Today we’re also going to sign off on the release of CATNIP, our long-delayed Josie + The Pussy Cats album! It’s a fine record, and I predict it will score a major success.
Triumph Records XLP/XLPS 38236
YOU’LL NEVER GET TO HEAVEN*
WALK ON BY**
ANYONE WHO HAD A HEART**
LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE***
IF I NEVER GET TO LOVE YOU
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF***
TRAINS AND BOATS AND PLANES***
LOOK IN MY EYES, MARIA***
BLUE ON BLUE*
REACH OUT FOR ME**
ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME***
LITTLE BUDDY, FALLING STAR
LONELINESS REMEMBERS WHAT HAPPINESS FORGETS**
LOVING IS A WAY OF LIVING***
Music by Burt Bacharach
Lyrics by Hal David
except for “Little Buddy, Falling Star”
by Bob Hilliard
CATNIP
JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS
*featuring MELLY
**featuring VAL
***featuring GREG
AN RGM SOUND PRODUCTION
July 1962, Top Thirty hit
EPILOGUE
When we open the door to Lex’s car, I hear a familiar mewling. “Pep!” I exclaim as my tuxedo cat leaps into my arms. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Have you been here in the car all this time?” Pep is the offspring of Sebastian, who sired a brood of kittens prior to his demise. Xandi gave them all away and I adopted the cutest one. Pep was so tiny and fragile, she almost didn’t survive; but I lavished her with so much loving care I practically forbad her to die! As you might have guessed, I named her after our late colleague Priscilla “Pepper” Potts.
As we drive off, I’m startled to hear Pep snarl savagely! She’s looking back toward the Cabot house. I turn my head in the same direction and am profoundly startled by what I see: Is that a red-headed woman standing at the window of Alexandra’s bedroom? Hastily, I put on my glasses and look again.
No. What was I thinking? It’s just Xandi, waving goodbye to us. A trick of the light momentarily made her look different. That and my imagination, working overtime after all the incredible things I’ve just heard! I smooth Pep’s ruffled fur and speak softly to her as we ride to Broadcasting House - as much to soothe my own nerves as hers, I must admit.
TO BE CONTINUED IN 2025
THE CARMEN SERNA SAGA CONCLUDES WITH
"THE VENGEANCE OF
DELLA NIGHTSHADE!"
POP CULTURE CANTINA
Presents
A MARVELOUS LIE PRODUCTION
MOVE IT ON THE BACKBEAT!
A GOOD CAST IS WORTH REPEATING:
JOSIE + THE PUSSY CATS*
ALEXANDER "LEX" CABOT*
DAGMAR DIAMOND
GREG JAMES
MYRNA MUNRO
PRISCILLA “PEPPER” POTTS*
FISH 'N' CHIPS
special guest star
SABRINA THE SORCERESS*
special cameo appearance by
SALEM da KATT*
appearing as Alexandra Cabot*
CARMEN SERNA
THE NARRATOR
ALBERT FOX*
*based on characters created by George Gladir and Dan De Carlo
and controlled by Archie Comic Publications
CARTOON CAMEO APPEARANCES BY
JOE MEEK
BURT BACHARACH, JIMMY CLIFF, JOAN COLLINS, JACK GOOD, LEE HAZLEWOOD, MICK JAGGER, QUINCY JONES, BYRON LEE, LEE PERRY, PETER TOSH, ROBBIE SHAKESPEARE, BUNNY WAILER, CHERRY WAINER AND THE VERNONS GIRLS
DEDICATED TO
JUDY PARISELLA “MADAME AXE”
CONCEPT BY LAURA PINTO and HAMPTON JACOBS
TEXT BY HAMPTON JACOBS
COSTUMES BY HENRIETTA la del BARRIO
ART BY STUFFED ANIMAL
SPECIAL THANKS TO
DEB DELMAN, JAMETTA COOLEY
MICHAEL V. SKEEN
and
GENYA RAVAN
visual and voice model for
MISS JOSIE DE CARLO
LYRICS WRITTEN BY HAL DAVID, MACK DAVID,
BOB HILLIARD and SYDNEY SHAW
Pop Culture Cantina strongly recommends the book
BURT BACHARACH: SONG BY SONG
By Serene Dominic
(Schirmer Trade Books, 2003)