14 April 2019

Say Goodbye To Riverdale (Synopsis)

RETRO BOX SET COVER

Archie, Cantina Style!
An Alternate History of The Archies
Synopsis of the 2014 graphic novel 
"Say Goodbye To Riverdale"
A Cartoons + Castanets Production
Written by Hampton Jacobs
Illustrated by Stuffed Animal
featuring fan art images based on 
ARCHIE COMICS characters

POP-ART-CHIE TIMELINE AD


A POP-ARCHIE TIMELINE

1987 - Archie Andrews, Juggy Jones and Reggie Mantle form a Punk/Rockabilly trio in Riverdale. They call themselves The Juggz; Juggy, who plays several instruments well, is lead singer and bass guitarist; Archie plays lead guitar; and Reggie plays drums.

50 AÑOS DE LOS ARCHIES AD50 AÑOS DE LOS ARCHIES INNER SLEEVE FLIP50 ANOS DE LOS ARCHIES POSTER50 ANOS DE LOS ARCHIES POSTER FLIPSIDEWHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN 199150 AÑOS DE LOS ARCHIES

PROMOS FOR THE ARCHIES'
50th ANNIVERSARY ALBUM

1988 - Juggy is uncomfortable being the band's focal point.  The Juggz become The Archies, and Archie battles Reggie for the leadership role.  He wins, but their relationship remains tense.  With help from Archie's girlfriends Veronica Lodge (on keyboards) and Betty Cooper (on tambourine), The Archies cut a demo tape.  Veronica's rich father Ram Lodge passes it along to Don Kirshner, a powerful music publisher.  Kirshner likes the tape, auditions and signs the group, then launches the Calendar label to market their music.  At his urging, Veronica and Betty are added to the band's lineup and Archie becomes lead singer.  Juggy and Reggie switch instruments.

GRANDES EXITOS LATINOS ALBUM SLEEVE DESIGNGRANDES EXITOS LATINOS INSIDE GATEFOLD

PROMOS FOR AN ARCHIES LATIN HITS
COMPILATION FROM THE YEAR 2031

1989 - The Archies' recordings are heavily augmented with studio musicians.  The group isn't happy about this, but Don Kirshner is calling the shots!  After releasing two moderate hits, The Archies score an international smash with "Sugar, Sugar".  They follow up with another American Top Ten single, "Jingle Jangle" and stage a successful summer tour.  Kirshner changes the name of his indie label from Calendar to Kirshner Records.

SUMMER TOUR 1989

THE ARCHIES' 1989 TOUR PROGRAM

1990 - Although Archie and Veronica sing lead, The Archies aren't allowed to do their own vocal backgrounds.  They lobby successfully to end this restriction; Juggy's friend Kevin Keller also starts singing backing vocals at their sessions.  Another friend, Chuck Clayton, becomes a substitute Archie on stage.  "Sunshine" is the last Archies single to chart on the Kirshner label.  Slow ticket sales for a second summer tour reflects dwindling public interest.

ARCHIE RADIO BOOKLET PG 1ARCHIE RADIO BOOKLET PG 2ARCHIE RADIO BOOKLET PG 3ARCHIE RADIO BOOKLET PG 4ARCHIE RADIO BOOKLET PG 5ARCHIE RADIO BOOKLET PG 6

INSERT BOOKLET FOR A
TWO-RECORD SET OF
TRANSCRIPTIONS FROM
"ARCHIE RADIO"

1991 - The Archies begin recording a Soul album but Don Kirshner shuts down the sessions.  He sends them back into the studio to cut THIS IS LOVE, a Bubblegum Pop album the group dislikes.  It fails to sell.  "Love Is Living In You", a single returning Juggy to lead vocal status, also flops.

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 1

1992 - The Archies fund their own album session.  They book a studio in The Bahamas and complete an album of Soul music.  They present STONED LOVE to Don Kirshner and he rejects it.  Their relationship with him begins to deteriorate.  After cutting one last unsuccessful single for Kirshner Records, the group negotiates a release from their recording contract and disbands.  



THE ARCHIES CUT THEIR FIRST 
DEMO TAPE IN 1988

1993 - 1999 - The members of The Archies pursue college education and business opportunities.  Juggy Jones marries up Betty Cooper and buys a fast-food chain from fellow musician Terry "Pop" Tate.  Together, he and Betty build the renamed Jughead's chain into a thriving restaurant brand.  Archie weds Veronica and they take executive jobs with Lodge Industries, the company Roni's father owns.  Reggie and Chuck struggle to launch solo music careers.  Kevin Keller serves a tour in the US Army and one term as a state senator.

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 2

2000 - Miserable as Lodge Industries executives, Archie and Veronica step down to found an indie label of their own.  Artistically as well as musically gifted, Chuck Clayton designs the logo.  Archie Records will never market compact discs;  releases are restricted to vinyl and digital download formats.  Arch and Roni attempt to regroup The Archies and sign them up, but their former bandmates aren't interested. They break ground for their own audio recording facility, ASS (Archie Sound Studios).  Gangsta rapper Big Ethel is the first Archie Records artist, but her career is brief: After just one single, she marries a preacher and becomes a born-again Christian.

5 X 5 BOX SET PROMO

PROMO FOR A 2095 BOX SET OF
SOLO ALBUMS BY MEMBERS OF
THE ARCHIES

2001 - The September 11 tragedy happens!  The Archies agree to regroup and play benefit concerts for victims and their families.  Crowds go wild when Betty Jones takes the stage with her new instrument: A hot pink saxophone that she plays surprisingly well!  Response to The Archies' new performances is so positive, Betty, Juggy and Reggie reconsider their decision not to regroup.  They are the second act to join the Archie Records roster.  Kevin Keller returns as an unofficial member, playing keyboards and singing harmony in the studio.  Legendary singer/songwriter Carole King agrees to produce The Archies' comeback album.  She insists that all five group members take turns singing lead. An album's worth of song demos are completed but King unexpectedly pulls out of the project.  Archie and Veronica search for a new producer. 



THE ARCHIES IN 1989 WITH THEIR FIRST
RECORD PRODUCER, JEFF BARRY

2002 - On Reggie Mantle's recommendation, Archie and Veronica contact Ralfi Chingas; he's a Latin music arranger that Reg has worked with.  They audition and hire Chingas to be The Archies' new producer.  He urges the group to disregard stylistic restrictions.  He also concurs with Carole King's concept of five lead singers and suggests that they record a Country music album.  Tracking takes place in Memphis at the legendary Sun Studios.  So many outstanding masters are cut, ARCHIE COUNTRY is released as a double-length collection.  Despite little radio airplay, it becomes a Platinum best-seller!  Culled from the album, a cover of Charlie Rich's "Lonely Weekends" scores big as a single; Reggie sings lead.

BROADWAY BARES ARCHIE

THE ARCHIES TAKE PART IN
"BROADWAY BARES 2003", A
BENEFIT FOR AIDS RESEARCH


2003 - Mick Jagger adores ARCHIE COUNTRY and contacts The Archies.  Veronica convinces Mick to allow The Archies to cut a Rolling Stones tribute.  The resulting LIKE A ROLLING STONE LP is another double-length set, and it wins the group their second Platinum record award.  A cover of "Happy" with Betty on lead vocals is the most successful single issued from this album.  Without Kevin Keller (who only works with them in the studio), The Archies stage a successful North American tour.  Their background singers are The Vixens, actually members of Archie's office staff (which now includes Big Ethel).  They star in "US of Archie" a 4th of July TV special; ratings are dismal.  However, the USO concert that bookends the show becomes legendary. After it's made available on LP to Archie Fan Club members, US OF ARCHIE is hailed as The Archies' finest live album. Veronica launches the Archie Fan Club label.  This is a mail-order music service; in addition to The Archies, Chuck Clayton, Pop Tate, The Vixens, The Cochinada Brothers, Betty and Veronica (performing as a duo) and Midge Mercury's Gigolettes will cut masters for AFC.  Every release is a collector's item.  Cherry Vagina Music is launched as the publishing arm of Archie Records.  It's an outlet for original compositions by members of The Archies; Arch, Betty and Juggy are the most prolific songwriters.  Seldom will the group record these copyrights, but several will score hits for various Country and R & B acts.

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 3

2004 - Big Ethel hires on as Archie's private secretary and oversees the Archie Fan Club label.  Veronica dislikes the acoustics of Archie Sound Studios (ASS) and calls for extensive renovation.  While the upgrade proceeds, The Archies search out a new studio home.  They settle on Chapel of Rock in Santa Barbara, owned and operated by Jeff Barry; Barry was one of their producers during the Kirshner Records era.  He executive-produces JEFF AND ELLIE SONGBOOK, a double-length collection of mostly Girl Group hits co-written by him with former partner Ellie Greenwich.  A third Platinum record results, accompanied by three best-selling singles:  "Hip Shaker" (led by Veronica), "He Ain't No Angel" (with Betty out front) and the mega-hit "Nobody But You", sung by Reggie.  Decades later, the album will be reissued under the title HITS OF THE SIXTIES, VOLUME TWO.  A second successful national tour follows, but the members decide that large-scale tours are too time-consuming.  In the future, only small tours will be undertaken.



THE ARCHIES MEET THEIR NEW 
RECORD PRODUCER, RALFI CHINGAS 
IN 2002

2005 - HOT, SWEET AND LIVE, a live-in-concert album, is cut in New Orleans at the close of The Archies' 2004 tour.  Sales for the single disc LP are lukewarm.  While in The Big Easy, Juggy, Betty and Ralfi Chingas take part in jam sessions with Wynton Marsalis and other Jazz musicians.  They call on Kevin Keller to help them cut an instrumental Jazz CD.  The Peerless label markets it under the name Juggy's Jazz Excursion.  KING OF LATIN JAZZ will become one of the rarest of Archies-related collector's items.  Juggy and Kelly occasionally perform as a duet act called Blue-Eyed Soul.  They co-star in a highly-rated cable TV special celebrating the music of Marvin Gaye.  Meanwhile, Archie prepares to star in an indie film, Black Belt Smackdown!  He will also write the music score.  The Archies cut an album tribute to songwriter Toni Wine, but it's never released.  The master tape is destroyed by a vengeful sound engineer who is caught bootlegging. The group travels to South America on a mini-tour and appears in "La Diosa del Aire", a musical telenovela; songs from their aborted album provide the soundtrack, which is successful.  In Medallin, Columbia, Arch and Roni sign a South American distribution deal for their label.  Their new distributor is Discos Fuentes, an iconic Latin music company.  They also purchase the Kirshner Records catalog.  With help from Blue-Eyed Soul, Veronica cuts a solo album.  Her tribute to Olivia Newton-John fails to impress critics and generates little fan interest.  Roni is determined to promote it, but the sudden death of her father scuttles those plans.  Ram Lodge's grieving daughter goes into seclusion for the rest of the year.  Other group members occupy themselves with charity work for victims of Hurricane Katrina.

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 4

2006 - The Archies convene in London, where Archie is hard at work on the soundtrack for Black Belt Smackdown!  At Abbey Road Studios, they begin cutting a song tribute to Ron Dante, their one-time vocal coach and producer during the Kirshner Records era.  Veronica's extramarital affair with Jughead comes to light during the sessions, wreaking havoc in the studio!  The group splinters and work on the nearly-completed album grinds to a halt.  Flying back to the States with the session tapes, Reggie, Ron Dante and sound engineer Alan Mayberry finish the album.  GET IT ON TODAY becomes The Archies' second consecutive LP to under-perform in sales, but the title track scores one of their biggest hits yet when released as a single.  Betty is involved in a serious auto accident and Roni miscarries Juggy's baby; the group rallies around both women as they recover.  At Ron Dante's suggestion, The Archies agree to regroup the following year and record a Christmas album.  Chuck Clayton and Alan Mayberry become unofficial A & R chiefs of the Archie Fan Club label.



MEDIA BLITZ FOR THE ARCHIES IN 2004

2007 - While The Archies are still reeling from the events of 2006, Black Belt Smackdown is released.  Reviews are scathing!  Archie gives up on an acting career and busies himself with preparations for a special concert.  The Archies headline a show in Santa Barbara celebrating the music of Jeff Barry, and it is very well-received.  THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JEFF BARRY is recorded and filmed but never released on DVD due to legal complications.  Yet spirits are high when The Archies and Kevin Keller convene in Hollywood to cut their Christmas album.  Good feeling generated by the tribute concert and yuletide repertoire confirm the group members' commitment to continue working together.  By the time they meet in New Orleans later in the year to cut new tracks, Reggie Mantle has become a top demo singer in Nashville.  He demands a larger share of lead vocals, which becomes a source of increasing tension between him and Archie!  The new tracks feature on GREATEST HITS OF ALL-TIME, the first Archies hits compilation since the Kirshner era.  It drops simultaneously with the Christmas album; both LPs win Gold record awards.  The New Orleans sessions yield several hit singles, the biggest of which is the Rock ballad "Lady Jane".  Veronica plays lead guitar and Juggy sings lead.  Other hits include "Soul Deep Ska"(lead vocals by Archie), the country rocker "Hill Underground" (a showcase for Betty), Roni and Kelly dueting on "Reach Out In The Darkness" and a Reggie-led medley of Neil Diamond tunes.  Reg begins his transition from bass to keyboard player.  Touring music director Dilton Doiley Briseño begins taking an active role in recording sessions, and session bass player Trevor Santiago works with The Archies for the first time.

US OF ARCHIE

PROMO FOR THE 2003
4TH OF JULY CABLE
TV SPECIAL "US OF
ARCHIE"

2008 - Archie and Veronica launch the Cherry Vagina label in order to market a Reggie Mantle solo single.  The spicy lyrics of "Eunice Danvers" stall airplay, but several Country artists cover the Veronica-Kevin Keller murder ballad.  Archie, Betty, Veronica and Juggy collaborate on the follow-up single, "Ain't Nothin' Like A Heartbreaker".  It generates some airplay but after clashing anew with Archie, Reg refuses to promote it.  Chuck Clayton hires on as a song plugger for Cherry Vagina Music.  Josie + The Pussy Cats sign with Archie Records.  With Josie's nemesis Alexandra acting as producer, they record SOUL GALORE, a best-selling comeback album.  Dilton Doiley Briseño approaches Archie with a new arrangement for "Sugar, Sugar".  He loves it, and The Archies cut the remake in New Orleans.  Archie and Veronica sing the lyrics in Spanish.  The single stalls at Top Forty in the US, but sells like hotcakes in every Spanish-speaking territory!  The band undertakes a mini-tour of Spain, Portugal and Latin-America.  In Europe, Pansexual Reggie flaunts his affair with Ricky Martin and poses for nude centerfold photos; this brings his conflicts with Archie to a head.  Arch fires him from the group!  Reg signs a solo deal with Fantasy Records and cuts "Papichulo Mambo".  The Archies rejected this Spanish-language sizzler as a single candidate but now it tops the dance charts for Reggie!  While recording his debut CD in México City, he gets romantically involved with Olga San Quentin, a famous Mexican singer/songwriter and dancer.  Olga is also working with The Archies, penning lyrics for a Spanish-language album they plan to record.  Archie hires Trevor Santiago, brother of Josie + The Pussy Cats' lead singer Valerie Smith to sub for Reggie.  Trev adopts his sister's stage surname.  At Chapel of Rock, he helps the band record ÉXITOS EN ESPAÑOL, which will become the all-time best-selling Archies album in Latin America.  Dilton Doiley Briseño arranges and co-produces the double-length set with Ralfi Chingas.

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 5

2009 - Olga San Quentin gives birth to Reggie Mantle's son Dante just as his solo album drops.  LOVE 2 LOVE is a norteño-flavored collection of Neil Diamond songs.  It is critically acclaimed but controversial because of pornographic videos that Reggie films to promote it.  Neil Diamond sues for defamation and copyright infringement; Fantasy Records is forced to withdraw the album from sale.  Reg is crushed!  Betty, Veronica and Juggy have stayed in touch.  They convince Reg to meet The Archies in Puerto Rico, where they are cutting a second Country album.  Olga and the baby accompany him.  Reg and Archie patch up their differences, and both Reg and Olga appear as guest artists on RETURN TO ARCHIE COUNTRY.   Album sessions stall when Veronica and Ralfi Chingas clash over musical arrangements; the two stop speaking to each other.  Archie calls in Dilton Doiley Briseño to take over as producer; he agrees to do so without taking label credit.  Dilton meets up with The Archies in New Orleans and cuts new versions of Ralfi Chingas productions that Roni disliked.  The finished double-length album is a mix of new recordings and leftover tracks from the 2002 ARCHIE COUNTRY sessions.  It scores a long-awaited fourth Platinum record award for The Archies. This latest success forces them to reconsider their ban on large-scale tours.  Their subsequent national tour becomes one of the biggest attractions of the 2009-10 concert season.  Hit singles include the ensemble vocal showcase "Love Of The Common People", Betty's star turn on "Jacky Daniels And You" (the band's first Top Ten Country record), Trevor Smith's debut lead vocal on a remake of "Jet Airliner" and "Good Deal, Lucille", a 2002 track featuring Reggie.  Reg maintains "guest artist" status but returns to the group as keyboard player; Trevor Smith officially replaces him, taking over bass duties.  Veronica moves into the lead guitarist spot while Archie plays rhythm guitar.   



CUSTOMIZED RECORD LABELS FOR 
RETRO!!! A 2025 ARCHIES BOX SET

2010 - The Archies concentrate on solo projects.  Kevin Keller has stopped recording with the group in order to pursue an acting career.  He is hired to star in a TV show about a Gay superhero.  Kelly films a pilot for "The Equalizer", but it never gets picked up.  Trevor Smith sells Archie on a Jazz vocal group called Savoy Sound.  Archie signs them to his label.  When their bad-tempered lead singer quits, Trev subs for him.  Savoy Sound's self-titled debut album draws mixed reviews and lackluster sales.  Archie arranges to cut a tribute album to Burt Bacharach, with the famous composer producing.  Critics (as well as Veronica and Bacharach himself) adore WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT, ARCHIE? but it flops.  Arch's solo single, "Made In Paris" barely charts. Jackie DeShannon contacts Betty Jones and requests that she cut an album of her compositions.  Much to Archie's chagrin, the legendary singer/songwriter arranges for Betty to sign with Jamie Records.  Many people consider Betty a vocal re-incarnation of Country legend Patsy Cline, and it's the two singers' similar phrasing that most intrigues DeShannon.  Though not a big seller upon release, Betty's PATSY, JACKIE AND ME CD quickly becomes a coveted cult item.  At Archie and Veronica's request, Juggy Jones cuts a Disco album in French.  It's aimed at getting a foothold for Archie Records in France.  When the French session musicians Jug hires don't meet his musical standards, that album becomes an Archies record in everything but name.  The Archies also help Ralfi Chingas record MAMBITO, his own best-selling solo album.  This collaboration paves a path for Chingas to resume working with them again.  The only bonafide group recording cut in 2010 is a song tribute to British Rock star Cliff Richard called MOVE IT!  This isn't an LP but a double-length extended play disc that Archie and Veronica decide not to release.  They create the Archie Americana label to market Katz + The Fiddles, Riverdale's most popular Country band.  Produced by Chuck Clayton and filled with Cherry Vagina copyrights, NASHVILLE KATZ fails to chart.  The critically-acclaimed LP ends up being a one-off release, but it launches The Fiddles on a long and lucrative career. 

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 6

2011 -  Juggy's French solo album TOUT CE QU'ILS DIRENT DE MOI sells briskly in every French-speaking territory except France.  Jug also scores a hit single in Canada, "Connaissez".  It's a French translation of "Made In Paris", the same song that Archie released in English.  Arch releases another solo single, "Land Of Milk And Honey".  It's his only solo effort to make the Top Forty.  Reggie officially returns to membership in The Archies, even while planning a second stab at solo stardom.  Songwriters Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil see the group perform a medley of their songs on TV.  Impressed, they contact Veronica and propose a songbook album.  Transsexual Flamenco guitarist Jonniemae becomes The Archies' music director at this time.  She is a Ralfi Chingas discovery, and Ralfi returns to produce the Mann-Weil set; however, his in-studio fights with Barry and Cynthia make his disagreements with Roni look tame!  This will be the last Archies album he works on.  The songbook sessions are turbulent but well worth the trouble:  HITS OF THE SIXTIES yields a pair of chartbusters ("Glitter And Gold", sung by Archie and Trevor and "Love Her", a star turn for Juggy) and bags a fifth Platinum record for The Archies.  With Bree (Sabrina) Spellman as touring music director, the group embarks on what they promise will be their last national tour; it's their most successful concert series to date!  Near the end of the tour, they fly to England and cut a duet single with Josie + The Pussy Cats; Betty, Veronica and Pussy Cat drummer Melody share lead vocals.  "Stop! And You'll Become Aware" is The Archies' final hit single of the 2010s.  Kevin Keller returns to studio work with them and revives his Blue-Eyed Soul act with Juggy.  However, Veronica has bigger plans for Kelly: She signs him solo to Archie Records and steers him toward a Heavy Metal sound.  His cover of an old Pat Benatar number, "My Clone Sleeps Alone" causes a major sensation when released.  Promoted by a music video in which Kelly appears nude, it tops the charts!   



KEVIN KELLER, VERONICA AND JUGHEAD
CO-PRODUCE THE 2013 ALBUM
JUMP BACK, HONEY

2012 - Kevin Keller's Heavy Metal album ALL FIRED UP sells Double Platinum, making him the most successful openly Gay artist in history.  He wins a Best New Artist Grammy award.  While he's planning his follow-up, Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil approach him and Juggy about co-starring in a musical Cynthia is writing.  It's based on the memoir of The Righteous Brothers' Bill Medley and will be co-produced by him.  Bill wants Kelly to portray his late partner Bobby Hatfield. Barry and Cynthia want Jug to portray Bill.  After successful negotiations, Blue-Eyed Soul signs on to the project and rehearsals begin.  "Soul And Inspiration" premiers at Riverdale's Awesome Venue and after a strong opening night, the show does SRO business!  Ralfi Chingas signs on to portray his musical idol, Phil Spector and choreographer Toni Topaz appears as Medley's lover Darlene Love.  Kelly reckons that he can pursue both stage and music stardom, but he doesn't yet realize what a runaway success "Soul And Inspiration" will become.  After the show's initial run, he starts work on his follow-up album; it will take many months to complete!  Without Kelly, The Archies fly to Italy where they cut songs in Italian and compete in the San Remo Music Festival.  They also tape a TV special that expands on their "Hits Of The Sixties" tour repertoire.  Very popular in Europe, the show won't be released on DVD for many years.  In addition, the group stars in "Mambo Italiano", a racy Italian music video that wins several film awards.  Returning home, The Archies celebrate the music of Barry Gibb and The Bee Gees on a dance-floor-friendly EP.  Arch is wary of marketing a Disco record in America, so SHADOW DANCING is only released in Asian territories.  Initial sales are slow, and he decides to withdraw it from sale.  BE YOUR OWN ARCHIES, a karaoke album by Midge Mercury's Gigolettes, is the Archie Fan Club's most successful release.  It will influence several generations of teenage garage bands.

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 7

2013 - Reggie and Olga San Quentin form a popular duet act and tour the Tejano music circuit.  They sign to the Archie subsidiary Discos Falcón and cut OLGA AND REGINALD, a highly successful debut album.  Dilton Doiley Briseño produces.  Reg takes an extended leave of absence from The Archies.  "Soul And Inspiration" acquires big money backers from Europe; it makes a transatlantic relocation, from Riverdale's Awesome Venue to the Harry Lucey Theatre in London.  Again, the show scores big with audiences.  Archie negotiates the rights to a cast album; Ralfi Chingas produces it, Jonniemae conducts the orchestra and Arch writes the arrangements.  Attended by a host of music and film stars, the tracking sessions at Abbey Road are a major event!  Outstanding live-in-studio performances by Juggy, Kelly and Toni Topaz propel the album up the charts; it goes Double Platinum!  Six months into the show, Blue-Eyed Soul takes a break to help The Archies cut a new LP.  Jug suggests that they record a tribute to Rhythm and Blues pioneer Ella Mae Morse.  Veronica produces the single disc collection JUMP BACK, HONEY and hires Justin Strickland, leader of the Jazz group Savoy Sound to write arrangements.  Jonniemae returns as The Archies' music director.  Arch and Roni are adamant that The Archies play every note of music themselves, with no help from sidemen; they're determined to silence lingering accusations of not playing on their own records!  Kelly plays Jazz piano, Juggy and Archie double on reeds and brass, Trevor plays stand-up bass, and Betty blows her sax like never before!  JUMP BACK, HONEY wins unprecedented critical acclaim for The Archies and comes close to receiving a Grammy nomination.  However, the Kevin Keller-led title track fails as a single and fans are indifferent to the album.  It only sells well in Japan.  Archie Radio broadcasts via satellite for three months; various Archies members as well as Josie + The Pussy Cats, Blue-Eyed Soul, The Vixens and other Archie-affiliated acts perform live on the air.  Chuck Clayton is named CEO of Cherry Vagina Music. 

SAY GOODBYE LOBBY CARD
SAY GOODBYE BOOKLET PG 2SAY GOODBYE BOOKLET PG 3
SAY GOODBYE BOOKLET PG 4 + 5

WRAP-AROUND COVER DESIGN FOR
THE "SAY GOODBYE TO RIVERDALE"
MOVIE SOUNDTRACK ALBUM FROM

THE YEAR 2037

2014 - Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil and Bill Medley sign a deal to take "Soul And Inspiration" to Broadway.  However, their new backers insist that Hollywood stars replace Juggy and Kelly.  Blue-Eyed Soul graciously withdraw from the now-doomed production, and an angry Toni Topaz quits the show.  Archie signs Toni to his label as a solo artist.  He writes the arrangement for "Throw Down A Line", her debut single. It hits Number One on the charts and establishes Toni as a rising Reggae star.  Ralfi Chingas produces the subsequent TONI TOPAZ album, with musical accompaniment by The Bettys (Betty Jones, Bree Spellman, Midge Mercury and Jonniemae Trouten).  Betty's decision to reform her college band triggers estrangement between her and Juggy.  At the urging of her preacher husband Duke Mason (also known as Big Moose), Big Ethel quits her job as Archie's secretary to become a Gospel singer.  The Archies provide backing music for her debut album BOSOM OF ABRAHAM.  While those sessions take place, Archie and Veronica engage in dual negotiations: To get permission from the ABBA organization to cut a song tribute, and to sell their indie label to notorious corporate raider Jason Blossom!  The latter deal is reached in secret.  Permission is also granted for the new Archies album, which the band flies to Germany to record.  However, executive producer Björn Ulvaeus is unhappy with the Heavy Metal arrangements.  Even though he himself conceived the musical concept, Ulvaeus stops ABBA-NORMALITY from being released.  It's the first blow of a devastating one-two punch: Archie and Roni's bandmates are furious when they learn of Jason Blossom's purchase of Archie Records.  They refuse to record masters for him!  The sale proves so controversial, The Archies decide to go on indefinite hiatus.  Blossom retaliates, pulling their catalog from the market; he also holds back new releases.  This thwarts Archie's plan to ship the teenage Archies' unreleased Soul album as ARCHIE'S CHICANO OLDIES.

SPANISH EDDIE'S 2007

THE ARCHIES CUTTING TRACKS 
IN 2007 IN NEW ORLEANS

2015-19 - Jason Blossom's company Republic International absorbs the Archie label.  Veronica takes an A & R job with Republic.  Olguita and Reginald continue their Tejano hitmaking streak under Blossom's auspices.  He announces a deluxe hits compilation on The Archies, then deliberately cancels the release in order to anger their fans!  Josie + The Pussy Cats break up and Josie reboots the band as a "Punk Funk" ensemble called Jozetta.  Kevin Keller co-produces their first album; he's having an affair with Josie!  When he goes public about his pansexuality, it causes a media sensation that nearly destroys his (same-sex) marriage!  Kelly continues climbing the ladder of Heavy Metal stardom with two more smash hit albums.  The Bettys go on tour and also record two albums.  Betty and Juggy Jones separate, then divorce.  She begins dating TV host Anderson Cooper, who also comes out as Pansexual.  Jug draws closer to Toni Topaz.  Trevor Smith returns to work as a session musician but will transition into music publishing.  Ralfi Chingas and Jonniemae relocate to Medallin, Columbia and become A & R executives at Discos Fuentes.  Archie and Veronica sell Cherry Vagina Music to the Peer publishing group.  They also found a school, the Riverdale Music Academy, and adopt a baby girl from Ghana.  Betty breaks up her band, marries up Anderson Cooper and becomes an heir to the Vanderbilt fortune!

SURF DISCOGRAPHY 8

2020-29 - Archie cuts SAVE THE COUNTRY, a second unsuccessful solo album.  His backing vocal group includes Mal Hypster, who will join The New Archies.  Veronica clashes with Jason Blossom and quits Republic's A & R department to go independent.  After secretly marketing Archies bootlegs for several years, Blossom finally releases their cancelled hits compilation.  GOLDEN SUGAR goes Double Platinum!  Olga San Quentin retires from performing and Reggie launches a solo career.  Under the name Gino el Huapanguero, he becomes an iconic norteño performer in México.  He also mentors several young Latin musicians.  One of them, Rikki Ninja, will co-found The New Archies.  Reg, Juggy and Archie represent The Archies in Barcelona at the Latin Music Hall of Fame. The group's ÉXITOS EN ESPAÑOL album is inducted, and the trio gives a stellar live performance.  Juggy marries up Toni Topaz. The Archies sue Jason Blossom for royalty non-payment and other contract breaches, but their lawsuit is thrown out.  Blossom marries up actress Benazir Bhooty, who co-starred with Archie in the flop movie Black Belt Smackdown!  She murders Jason after catching the closeted media mogul in bed with one of Kevin Keller's old boyfriends.  Bhooty is found not guilty by reason of insanity!  Archie and Veronica reach legal settlement with Blossom's estate and approve a string of Archies reissues and compilations.  Kevin Keller turns his back on the world of Heavy Metal to become a Jazz singer; his new career falters.  A massive terrorist attack in San Francisco brings Kelly and The Archies together again for disaster relief work.

KIC Image

The Archies:
Archer St. Christopher "Archie" Andrews
Mary Elizabeth "Betty" Cooper
Forsythe Jerome "Juggy" Jones III
Kevin Luther "Kelly" Keller 
Veronica Yvette "Roni" Lodge-Andrews
Reginald Whitney "Gino" Mantle III 
Trevor Hampton "Trev Smith" Santiago
"Toni" Topaz Antoinette Braithwaite

RETRO HERALD

2030 - With Kevin Keller on lead vocals, The Archies record a single for disaster relief.  Bree Spellman writes the arrangement and Ralfi Chingas co-produces with Jonniemae.  The stunning remake of Scott McKenzie's "San Francisco" tops the charts and creates new demand for Archies music.  Archie, Betty, Veronica and Juggy regroup, and Kelly officially joins as Reggie's replacement.  Archie has begun having serious vocal problems, so Kelly replaces him as primary lead vocalist.  Neither Reg nor Trev are on board this time around, but both agree to contribute to the farewell album the group decides to record.

KIC Image 2

2031 - The Archies sign with Discos Fuentes, South-American distributor for the now-defunct Archie label.  They seek out Latin-flavored songs to cut.  Kevin Keller suggests an album devoted to the hits of Jay + The Americans, his all-time favorite group.  He, Veronica and Juggy produce it on the East Coast at ASS (Archie Sound Studios), although Dilton Doiley Briseño cuts Reggie's vocals in El Paso and Trevor Smith does his own tracking in London.  Betty also plans to record her parts separately.  This arrangement infuriates Archie, who demands that everyone be in the studio together!  Compromises are reached: Betty joins the others at ASS and Archie, Reg and Trev meet up in Medallin, Colombia.  At Discos Fuentes, Jonniemae supervises two tracks featuring their trio vocals.  In a time of increasingly hard-edged music, critics dismiss the ballad-heavy GRASS WILL SING FOR YOU album as irrelevant fluff.  However, music buyers are hungry for something different, and this three-record set fits the bill.  With practically no airplay, it sells Double Platinum, and an EP of remixes from the album scores big in dance clubs.  In response to popular demand, The Archies book a farewell world tour.  Juggy's wife Toni Topaz signs on as both opening act and Trevor Smith's touring replacement; however, both Trev and Reggie join the tour at specific dates.  "Adiós Amigos from The Archies" breaks records and registers as the most lucrative concert series of the early 2030s!

WORLD TOUR FINALE REDUX

FINALE OF THE ARCHIES' FAREWELL
WORLD TOUR IN RIVERDALE

2032 -3 - While appearing in Germany, The Archies and Toni Topaz cut a theme song for Radio Luxembourg. They also track a hits compilation in India with songs performed in various Indian languages. ARCHIE SUPERSTAR becomes Asia's best-selling Archies album ever and "Girl" (sung in Bengali) scores a major hit. The farewell tour ends on a sentimental note in Riverdale, with a massive crowd in attendance. After the last song, "Say Goodbye To Riverdale", the President of the United States salutes The Archies via a special video hookup. Post-tour, the group makes just two more public appearances: An episode of PBS-TV's "Austin City Limits" devoted to the songs of Laura Nyro, and an "MTV Unplugged" farewell special. A final recording session takes place at ASS; Toni Topaz and Kevin Keller sing lead on "Go All The Way" and three more selections slated for future release on compilations. The final full group meeting takes place in Bora Bora. Toni Topaz is officially made a member of The Archies, and then the group votes to disband for the last time. Their third vote establishes a brand called Archies, Incorporated. Henceforth, this brand name will be used to market the group's image. It will appear on Betty Cooper's group biography which drops in early 2035. ADIÓS AMIGOS (later retitled SAY GOODBYE TO RIVERDALE) will top the best-selling book lists and form the basis for a successful 2037 movie musical. In mid-2033, three board members of Archies, Incorporated fulfill an old contract obligation: Archie, Betty and Kelly cut soundtrack vocals for "Philadelphia Freedom", an indie film. Bree Spellman, who will found The New Archies, produces the sessions. The movie scores big in France and yields a long-overdue French hit for The Archies: "Push Push" with Betty singing lead. This is the last time more than two band members will be together in the same place.


T-BIRDS SESSION

SOUNDTRACK RECORDING SESSIONS 
FOR THE INDIE LESBIAN ROMANCE
"PHILADELPHIA FREEDOM"

EXCERPTS FROM THE LINER NOTES OF RETRO!!!
A DELUXE ARCHIES BOX SET FROM THE YEAR 2075

Archie Andrews thanks . . .

Don Kirshner, who discovered, groomed and shepherded us onto the Pop music charts; Jeff Barry, executive producer of our Archie Country! collections, who wrote and produced most of our early hits, and whose catalog of Rock 'n' Roll standards gave us our Jeff + Ellie Songbook; Mick Jagger, without whose patronage our smash hit Like A Rolling Stone album would never have happened; Ron Dante, who wrote the fantastic songs we recorded for our Get It On Today! LP, and who produced my favorite Archies record: Stoned Love; Carole King, who single-handedly revamped our vocal presentation and set the stage for our comeback success; Ralfi Chingas, the key element in The Archies' career revival, a f*cking musical genius in the studio and the best damn Tex-Mex cook this side of the Rio Grande; "Spanish" Eddie Roxchild, Ralfi's better half, owner of the late, great Spanish Eddie's Bar + Grill, and our favorite remix engineer; Dilton Doiley Briseño (whose daughter is Pop Diva Garcy Briseño), the Emperor of Geek, who helmed our phenomenally successful Éxitos en Español and Return To Archie Country projects and made The Archies' induction into the Latin Rock Hall of Fame an unqualified triumph; Barry Mann + Cynthia Weil, who invited us to plumb their excellent song catalog for our Hits Of The Sixties album (Veronica's favorite); Laura Pinto, who made recording movie soundtrack music as fun for me as it was challenging; Justin Strickland, who brought new dimensions to our sound with his musical arrangements for Jump Back, Honey! and The Grass Will Sing For YouJonniemae Trouten, who along with her dog Nero was an essential element in our later recordings;Timothy Garland, vocal coach extraordinaire, who kept my singing voice viable long after it would otherwise have bit the dust; Mal Hypster (Tim's son), famous TV personality and New Archies member who keeps trying to convince me I started a Rock 'n' Roll revolution; Raj + Amisha Patel, for producing and directing our concert film and sparking much craziness on our world tour; Bree Spellman, who became our touring music director and didn't let us down when Roni and I asked her to put a new Archies band together; Jason Blossom, whose purchase of my record label made Riverdale Music Academy possible; Mike Pellerito, who held down the business end so I could concentrate on bustin' my nut creatively; all of our great roadies, especially Kix Panunzio, who became our road manager; Big Nipsy Freund, our "mobbed up" business manager, who always had our backs; Marcy Lodge Katzenbaum, my "cousin-in-law", who held up the legal end come thick or thin; Alan Mayberry, business partner, bosom buddy and audio wizard, who never let The Archies sound less than f*cking awesome on vinyl; Rey Cochino, Chuck Clayton, Terry "Pop" Tate and all the other great sidemen we jammed with in the studio; The Vixens, The Cochinada Brothers, Zoot Suit Muchachas, Andy Yoshida, Gayme and The Sashimi Sisters, who sang fabulous backing vocals for us on tour; Fawn Mason, formerly known as Big Ethel, the best private secretary I ever had and now a Gospel music star; Waldo Weatherbee + Geraldine Grundy, our biggest hometown boosters; and Mary + Fred Andrews (Mom + Dad), for always believing and understanding.

RETRO SAMPLER

Special thanks from Archie to . . .

My fabulous band mates 
Betty Cooper, Juggy Jones, Kelly Keller, 
Reggie Mantle, Trev Smith and Toni Topaz: 
We were family, we were the best, and we are forever!!!

The New Archies: 
Garcy Briseño, Donna Dante, Frankie Fujiyama, Mal Hypster, Toby Maxx, Rikki Ninja, Lana Suzuki and Ramsay Khalid Sharma. You were nobody's spin-off band, that's for damn sure! The music you made never failed to astound me.

SAY GOODBYE ARTICLE

FUTURE NEW ARCHIES MEMBERS 
MAL HYPSTER AND GARCY BRISEÑO 
FEATURE ON THE "SAY GOODBYE 
TO RIVERDALE" SOUNDTRACK ALBUM

Dr. Hermione Andrews:
My wonderful daughter, of whom I am fiercely proud! Maya, you are my hero.

Veronica: 
My beloved wife, the mother of my child, my business partner, lover, friend, counselor, nurse, cheerleader, source of abundant laughter, inspiration and musical magic (as well as other kinds) . . . honey, you made me a man, and a very happy one. My memories of you are precious, but they aren't nearly enough. I miss you so much!

ARCHIE FOREVER COVER

FRONT AND BACK COVERS OF AN
ARCHIES HITS COMPILATION
FROM THE YEAR 2129

Archie Andrews will write the RETRO!!! liner notes in September of 2073.  He will pass away that same year.  Vox Sound Plus Image (the media conglomerate that buys up Jason Blossom's estate) will dedicate the box set to his memory.  An entirely different version of the adult Archies appears this summer in a new Pop Culture Cantina/Cartoons and Castanets production.  Don't miss THE FREAKING OUT OF GERALDINE GRUNDY!

IT'S MY PUSSY AND I'LL FUCK WHO I WANT TO